


Un-Freakin'-Believable

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Smallville RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-21
Updated: 2009-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-08 01:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 43
Words: 41,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8825413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared and Jensen spent a whirlwind drunken night together. This is the aftermath.Completely and totally for Magos186 because she is un-freakin'-believable herself.
  Chapter 42 and epilogue up!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: Um, yeah, so... This is my first M-Preg ever, first attempted ever. So any and all reviews are uber helpful. Seriously, any help is a huge help. Thanks guys and gals.

* * *

Jared could feel his chin wobbling. This getting ridiculous.

 

"You're crying? You are not crying!"

 

"No, I'm not crying," Jared wiped his hands on his pants trying to fight the urge to wipe at his itchy eyes.

 

Eric sighed, "You gonna tell me why you aren't crying?"

 

"Well, it's just... Dean is so... And Castiel... And, And-" That's when Jared fell completely apart.

 

"Um..." Eric just sat there, eyes about to pop out of his head. "Um, are you... Uh..."

 

Jared waved his hand, trying to say not to worry. Eric pulled out his phone, keying something. A moment later, the door slammed open. Jensen stood there, breathing ragged, jacket only on one arm, phone in his hand. "What's the emergency, Eric?

 

"Wait, Jared? Are you _crying_?"

 

"No," Jared sobbed once, and then with a hitch of his breath, sank into the chair, disolving completely into tears. 

 

"Eric... Could we have a sec?" Jensen asked, fixing his jacket.

 

"All the time you need," Eric said, sounding completely out of his element. He hurried from the room and then Jensen closed the door behind him.

 

"Hey, hey, hey," Jensen said, crouching down in front of Jared. He reached out, his hands hovering just over Jared's knees, and then dropped them into his own lap. "What's going on with you, man? You've been off for a while now... You haven't even come to hang out with me, Tommy and Mikey... I mean, what's going on?" Jared pulled in a shuddering breath. "Jay, seriously... Talk to me. We used to be able to talk."

 

"I know," Jared murmured, pushing his palms into his eyes, trying to pull himself together.

 

"As a matter of fact," Jensen said, something finally dawning on him. "We talked all the time until... Oh." He finished, pulling away, literally and then stood up. "Is this because we slept together?

 

"Cause we swore it wouldn't change anything... We were drunk and we both wrote it off as a lost night, never to be repeated-"

 

"You don't like me anymore?" Jared whimpered, he could hear the wavering in his voice as he continued, "Why? Why don't you like me anymore?" 

 

Jensen shook his head, "What? It was your idea not to do it again!"

 

"But you agreed! You didn't even," he sniffed, the sob in his voice making it pretty unclear as to what the hell he was saying. "You didn't even fight me on it." He sniffed again, a huge stuttering breath.

 

“I didn’t think you wanted me to. And I mean,” Jensen sighed, looking a little freaked out too. “You’ve been depressed since then, I thought it was a mistake in your mind…” he looked at Jared a little closer. “Have you been eating more?”

 

Jared was shocked out of tears, “Are you calling me _fat_?!?”

 

“What?!” Jensen tried to backtrack, “No! I’m not calling you fat, why would I call you fat? You aren’t fat. You’re beautiful, you know that!”

 

Jared scoffed, “First you call me fat, and now you’re placating me. And lying! Beautiful,” Jared rolled his eyes. 

 

Jensen froze.

 

“What? Now you aren’t going to say anything? Brilliant, Jensen, really!” Jared said, wiping angry tears.

 

“Words are very dangerous around you right now, Jay.”

 

“Oh, that’s nice! Now you can’t even talk to the fat bitch, is that it?”

 

“Ahh,” Jensen said, looking as if where ever he stepped what ever he said he would be shot at or something.

 

“No, you’re right,” Jared said, tears abating finally. “I mean, I have been eating more lately… And I am getting chubby… I have a pooch,” he pouted, wiping away the last of his tears.

 

“You do not have a pooch,” Jensen said.

 

Jared stood up, and smiled, “Thanks for lying to me. I feel better now.”

 

“Yeah, no problem,” Jensen said, sounding surprised, but hugging Jared all the same. “And I wasn’t lying.”

 

“Yeah, you were,” Jared said. “But it’s okay, you only said it cause you lo…”

 

“Cause I what?” Jensen asked, not letting Jared out of his arms even as the younger man attempted to pull back. “Cause I love you?”

 

“I was just… It was joke… I mean, I know you don’t… That is to say-”

 

“Cause I do, you know.” Jensen said, hugging him again. “You’re the best friend a guy could hope for and you’re damn sexy, not a bad thing when we get drunk and have hazy sex.” Jared chuckled a little, eyes watery again.

 

“Oh, my god,” Jared murmured, wiping at his eyes.

 

“What?” Jensen asked, looking up into Jared’s eyes.

 

“Nothing, I’m just as emotional as a pregnant wom- Oh, my god.”

 

“What?”

 

“Oh. My. GOD!”

 

“What?!”

 

Jared didn’t answer, just looked at Jensen with huge eyes. That’s when Jensen figured out what he meant. 

 

How did Jared know that Jensen figured it out? Because that’s when Jensen passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

“Wait, he passed out?”

 

Jared nodded and sank onto the couch, then realizing he was on the phone, “Yeah, he really passed out. Can you blame him though?”

 

“No… Not really,” Chad said. And then he laughed, “You are such a girl.”

 

“Fuck you,” Jared laughed, somewhere in his mind glad that he wasn’t about to start crying again. Crying every other moment was really damn tiring. “But do you know what this means, don’t you?”

 

“What what means?”

 

“If I am pregnant. You know what that means, right?”

 

Chad scoffed, “You can’t be pregnant. You’re a guy.”

 

“Chad? Guys can get pregnant.”

 

“No… No, they can’t.”

 

Jared set down his bottle of water, “Yes, they can. Soul-mates… If guys are soul-mates, they can get pregnant.”

 

“Oh, come on- Soul-mates, Jared? You really are turning into a woman.”

 

“Chad, soul-mates doesn’t necessarily mean what people take it as. A soul mate can be as simple as people meant to be best friends. That’s what Jen and I have.”

 

“You’re on crack…” Jared could practically hear Chad shaking his head. “So, have you taken a test then, Mr. No-it-is-a-possibility-that-I-could-really-be-pregnant?”

 

“Jensen’s getting one now,” Jared sighed, “Once he woke up again, he told Eric that we had to go and keep talking and then we took off, even though Jen would only drive about five miles an hour, and he dropped me off at my house and then he told me he was going to get a test and he would be right back. As a matter of fact,” Jared sat up, listening, “I think that’s him now. Call you later?”

 

“As soon as you find out what the rest of the world already knows, that you can’t get pregnant because you’re a guy.” Jared rolled his eyes and hung up on Chad before he was forced to listen to another word.

 

Jensen came half sprinting in a moment later, a brown paper bag under his arm. “So, I didn’t know which kind was best, so I got one of each.”

 

“One of each?” Jared asked, and then Jensen dumped the bag of pregnancy tests on the coffee table. “Oh, you really got one of each? Um, Jen, I appreciate that, but I don’t think I have that much pee in me.”

 

Jensen flushed bright red, “Well, they say that you can pee into a cup and like dip the tests into it… And that way you can do them all at once instead of one at a time… And… Yeah, I just…”

 

“Want to be sure,” Jared said, smiling. “I know.”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen said, running a hand through his hair. “Oh, and I just want you to know that I dumped Daneel.” 

 

“What, why?”

 

“What do you mean, why? Why do you think?”

 

“Jen… Just cause we’re having a kid together, doesn’t mean that the fact that we aren’t in a relationship is going to change.”

 

“Oh, well… Right,” Jensen said, all of a sudden particularly focused on unwrapping all the pregnancy tests. 

 

“Jen?” Jared was surprised, it seemed like Jensen was a little more invested in this than he expected.

 

“Hmm? Here,” he said, “Help me get these open, we should, you know, do this thing.”

 

“Right,” Jared said, and the two fell quiet as they opened all the pregnancy tests. 

 

“Okay, so I guess I should go pee in a cup now,” Jared said, filling the awkward silence after they finished opening them all.

 

“Yeah, and here,” Jensen said, putting all the tests back into the brown bag again and handing it to Jared. “Um, should I get you a cup, or…?”

 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll get one, there are cups in the bathroom. I’ll just go and let you know when I’m done?”

 

“Sounds good,” Jensen said, awkwardly trying to settle himself on the couch.

 

“Okay,” Jared said again, clutching the brown bag and then walked out. He locked himself in the bathroom and sank onto the toilet seat. This was weird. And not good-weird, weird-weird; weird-weird bordering on bad-weird.

 

Oh, well, there would be time to think about that later. Like after he found out if he was actually pregnant.

 

After he peed in the cup and dipped each of the eighteen -yes, eighteen- tests into said pee and washed his hands, he sat back down on the toilet. He’d lined the tests up in the tub and made a mental note to make sure to show women that were pregnant and had to pee on things how much more he appreciated what they had to do with their pee to find out that they were indeed procreating.

 

His cell phone beeped a moment later, Chad again. He hit ignore and then realized time was up. 

 

He took a deep breath and stood, “Jensen?” Jared called, “It’s time to check them.”

 

“Um, okay…” Jensen came to the bathroom a moment later.

 

“So,” Jared said, pulling his lower lip between his teeth.

 

“So,” Jensen echoed, “Should we look together?”

 

“Sounds good,” Jared said, his voice just as quiet.

 

They both looked at the row of tests, all eighteen, one after another. 

 

They both looked at the series of blue plus signs. All of them positive. “Holy crap.”


	3. Chapter 3

“You okay?” Jared asked, hoping that Jensen would actually answer this time. Alas, he didn’t. He still just sat there on the couch where Jared had led him, still staring blankly into the air, his face pale.

 

“Okay,” Jared said, clapping Jensen’s knee a few times and then walked into the kitchen. He filled the tea kettle, flipping on the electric stove to boil some water. Then he pulled out his phone. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“So, it’s an it!” Jared said, leaning on the counter next to the stove.

 

“Wait,” Chad said, after an extremely long pause. “You’re actually _pregnant_?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“But… Holy shit, dude.”

 

“Yep,” Jared said, and then pushed off the counter with a sigh. He pulled open a cabinet and pulled down his stash of tea and canister of coffee, tossing the latter into the trash with a pout. “How’s Jensen taking it?”

 

“He said ‘Holy crap’ and then stopped functioning all together. He got really pale so I sat him down on the couch and that’s all that happened so far.

 

“So, I am making tea because I really want coffee and can’t have coffee or it will have two heads or something.” Jared looked through the dusty box of tea. “And I can’t remember ever having bought tea, so it scares me and I think I’m going to go out and buy more, but I’m a little afraid to leave Jensen alone.”

 

Chad made some kind of noise in agreement, “I think he’s old enough to be left home alone, JT.”

 

Jared chucked the scary tea into the trash on top of the coffee, and then turned the kettle off. “Yeah, maybe… He’s just so out of it.”

 

“So leave him a note,” Chad said, sounding way too amused.

 

“Chad? Drop the mocking tone, yeah? Imagine you just found out you were going to be a daddy after one drunken night, okay?” He paused, “Okay, imagine you aren’t a man-whore and were going to be a daddy.”

 

“Screw you,” Chad laughed.

 

“Okay, I’m going to get tea. I’ll call you later, after Jensen’s snapped out of it.” 

 

“Okay, call me whenever, ‘Kenzie is mad at me so I’m not going home tonight, so I’ll be up for a while.”

 

“Good to know,” Jared scoffed, and slipped his phone back into his pocket. He grabbed a sheet of paper from the pad attached to the fridge and wrote Jen a quick note.

 

‘ _Want coffee, can’t have coffee. Going to buy tea. Be back soon._ ‘

 

Then he walked back into the living room. “Jensen?” Jensen didn’t even blink in acknowledgement, “Right, well, I’m going to buy some tea. And here’s a note telling you the same thing just in case you aren’t hearing a word I’m telling you.” Jared nodded once, satisfied that he’d done his part and then laid the note on the table just in front of Jensen. He nodded again and then walked out and got into his car, heading towards the twenty-four hour convenience store, because he had no idea what time it was. He bought one of each of the small selection and then hurried back home.

 

He was welcomed by a crash. That was unsettling.

 

“Jensen?”

 

“In here!” Jensen hollered back, and Jared hurried towards the sound.

 

Jared felt his jaw drop, “What. Are. You. Doing?!”

 

Jensen stood up, a dust smudge on his cheek and a dusty bottle of gin from under the sink, “How long has that been there?” Jared asked, setting the bag of tea onto the counter.

 

“I was going to ask you the same thing,” Jensen snapped, “And more-over, where did you go? You can’t just take off without a word!”

 

“I left you a note,” Jared said, a little laugh in his voice, “What are you freaking out about?”

 

“I blinked and you were gone!” Jensen said, chucking the bottle of gin into the trash bag, where it crashed loudly against other bottles. 

 

“You were sitting there for over an hour, Jensen,” Jared said, clicking the kettle back on. Jensen batted his hands away.

 

“I can do that, you- Go sit down. How do you want your tea? Which kind do you want?” Jensen asked, looking at the selection. 

 

“Jen? I can make my own tea.”

 

“Look, you don’t want me to be the father of your baby, and that’s fine, if that’s what you want, what you really want, I’m not going to ignore that, but you know what? The least I can do is take away the temptations of booze and crap and make you tea!” Jensen swore loudly as his foot connected with the bag of bottles, and Jared just backed out of the room, tears in his eyes once more.

 

He settled on the couch, and pressed his hands to his eyes in an effort to keep the tears back.

 

A few deep breaths later, and Jared was completely tear free, just down to watery eyes when Jensen walked in with a cup of tea, “Here.”

 

“Thanks,” Jared murmured, trying to hide his face.

 

“Are… Are you crying?” Jensen asked, a completely shell-shocked tone coloring his voice. He sank on to the coffee table in front of Jared, setting the tea down by his side and reached out and held Jared’s hands in his.

 

“No,” Jared lied, his voice watery.

 

“Why are you crying, Jay?” Jensen murmured, squeezing Jared’s hands lightly.

 

He looked at Jensen quickly and then away, “Because you don’t want to be the father of our baby,” Jared whispered, not trusting his voice not to crack if it was any louder decibel.

 

Jensen dropped Jared’s hands in surprise.


	4. Chapter 4

But a split second later, Jensen reached for Jared’s hands again. “Jared, sweetie? You are the one that said we weren’t in a relationship. You are the one that made that perfectly clear, not me. You haven’t even asked what I wanted, and that’s fine. 

 

“You and the baby… _Our_ baby… That’s what’s important here. I want to be involved, as involved as you feel safe enough to let me be involved.” Jensen held Jared’s hand in one of his, the free hand reaching up and carefully wiping away Jared’s tears. “Now, who wants some tea while I go and throw out the bag of booze?”

 

Jared gave a watery laugh, but as Jensen stood, Jared refused to let go of his hands. Jensen looked down at him, eyebrow raised, and Jared gave a little tug and Jensen bent over, “What?”

 

“Thanks,” Jared whispered, and craned his neck a little, tugging a little more and pressed a kiss to Jensen’s cheek. Their hands broke apart, but Jensen stayed bent for a moment before blushing bright red and running a hand through his hair and heading back out.

 

As soon as Jared heard the back door close, he slipped his phone back out of his pocket and dialed Chad again.

 

“Hel-”

 

“I think he wants to be a part of our lives,” Jared said, his voice filled with shock and awe.

 

“Well, duh-”

 

“And I think I want him to be,” Jared said, just as quietly.

 

“Again, duh-”

 

“I mean… What do I mean? What does this mean?”

 

“Um…”

 

“Okay, he’s coming back, talk to you later.” Jared hung up as Jensen came back into the living room, sugar and a cup of milk in his hands. 

 

“I just remembered I didn’t give you milk or sugar,” Jensen rambled. “So, I thought… Yeah, here.” He said, handing them both to Jared awkwardly.

 

“Jen?”

 

“Yeah?” Jensen asked, turning around from where he’d been about to leave the room.

 

“Um…” Jared set the two cups down next to his tea. “Do you… I mean, you want to be involved? With the baby?”

 

“With the baby,” Jensen nodded, his dropping his voice to a whisper, “With you.”

 

“With me?” Jared said. “Are you sure?

 

“I mean, just because we’re having a kid together doesn’t mean you should feel obligated to try and date me. I mean, as I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m crazy with hormones and shit like that and I’m going to be huge… are you sure that this is the best thing for your sanity? As clearly, I am insane.”

 

Jensen chuckled a little, looking adorable with the dust smudge still on his cheek. Jared stepped closer, reached up and wiped the smudge away. Jensen caught Jared’s hand as it fell, linking their fingers together. 

 

Jared looked down at their joined hands and flushed a little as he looked back into Jensen’s eyes. “So,” he whispered.

 

“So, indeed,” Jensen whispered back.

 

“How do you think this is going to work? ‘Cause, I mean, I have no idea.”

 

“Let’s not rush things,” Jensen said with a shrug, “I mean, over every thing, I want to make sure that nothing changes the relationship I’m going to have with my kid, okay?”

 

“Okay,” Jared agree.

 

“Good, now I’m going to keep getting rid of crap,” Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand lightly and then dropped it. “Now sit down and enjoy your tea. Call me if you need anything.”

 

Jared nodded and then sat down on the couch. He took the tea bag out and laid it on the little plate before scooping in some sugar and a little bit of milk to make it cold. He sipped it, apple cinnamon tea was no where near as good as coffee. He pulled his phone back out and dialed Chad.

 

“Hel-”

 

“When,” Jared whispered, casting a look towards the kitchen where Jensen was throwing who knew what into the trash, and then continued, his voice still low, “When did Jensen and I venture out of the friendship zone?”

 

“Probably when you slept with him,” Chad laughed.

 

“Shut up,” Jared hissed, but then after another look towards the kitchen, continued again. “But I mean, this doesn’t feel like love. I mean, not the love I’m used to feeling.”

 

“JT… You just got together with this guy, it’s no surprise that you aren’t in love with him yet. You guys have been friends for a really long time, that doesn’t just change because you decided to change it. It takes time.”

 

Jared shook his head, and then took a drink, “When did you get smart?”

 

“I don’t know,” Chad agreed, “It’s kinda freaking me out.”

 

“Yeah, no kidding,” Jared laughed, taking another drink.

 

“So, did you tell your mom yet? Or Kripke? How’re you gonna keep working on the show if you’re pregnant.”

 

“I don’t know, and no, I haven’t told anyone but Jensen yet. Well, and you.” Jared set his tea down. “I should do that.”

 

“Yeah, but tomorrow, isn’t it like two AM there?”

 

“Oh, yeah… You’re right…” Jared looked at his watch.

 

“You have to talk to Jensen now, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah, I think I really do. Talk to you later,” Jared said, setting his phone on the table.


	5. Chapter 5

Jared sipped his tea, and then sat the half empty mug on the table next to the milk and sugar. As he waited for Jensen to come back, he laid down on the couch. He just wanted to rest his eyes for a moment…

 

He jolted awake, a sharp pain in his side. He took a deep breath and the pain eased a little. He looked around, and sure enough, there was Jensen sprawled across the loveseat, one foot on the floor, the other leg bent and propped up against the back. 

 

“Jen?” Jared murmured, with a smile that was cut short with a gasp with pain. His hands flew to his abdomen. “Jen!” He called, gritting his teeth against the pain.

 

“Jared?” Jensen murmured sleepily, barely waking up, but then he saw the look on Jared’s face, “Jay! What is it? Are you okay?”

 

“My…” He gritted his teeth again, “My stomach… It really hurts.” He looked at Jensen with huge eyes, “I think we need to go to the hospital.”

 

“The baby?” Jensen asked, “You’re worried about the baby?”

 

“It _really_ hurts,” Jared whimpered.

 

“Okay, okay, sweetie,” Jensen said, standing up. “Go get in the car, I’ll be out in a second; I’m gonna call Kripke, let him know we’re going to the hospital.”

 

“Okay,” Jared agreed, the rippling pain abating for a moment. “I’ll be in the car.”

 

Jared climbed in, putting the seat back a little as the pain rocked through him again. He cursed under his breath, but then Jensen was there.

 

He started the car and then linked their hands together. “Everything’s going to be fine, Jay. Squeeze my hand if it hurts too much, okay?”

 

Jared gave a light squeeze, the pain making him nauseous. Jensen had to have broken at least sixty seven laws getting them to the hospital as fast as he did, but Jared was more than okay with that.

 

When they got to the Emergency room, Jensen settled Jared in a chair and filled out the paper work for him before he came back. “I’m gonna get a cup of coffee… You want anything?”

 

Jared shook his head, as of now the pain was gone and that was more than okay with Jared, too. He took deep steadying breaths, letting it calm him a little. Until Jensen had said the word baby, he hadn’t let himself think that anything could be wrong with their kid.

 

But now he couldn’t think anything else.

 

He jumped a little when Jensen sat down next to him, but then Jen’s arm was curled around him, and he felt a little better.

 

They sat there quietly for twenty minutes before Jensen started to get a little twitchy.

 

“Jen,” Jared said quietly, “Calm your pretty self down. I’ll be fine, everything will be fine… Besides, there are some people here that look a little worse off, okay?”

 

Jensen growled a little under his breath, but seemed to behave himself a little better after that.

 

“Ms. Padalecki?” The nurse finally called. 

 

Jared pushed himself from the seat, pelvis first. “It’s mister, actually.”

 

“Oh, no; I’m sorry sir- I meant Ms. Padalecki? It says here that she’s pregnant and experiencing some stomach pain.”

 

“Yeah, that’s him,” Jensen said, standing a little behind Jared for support.

 

“I’m sorry?” Her voice was high and squeaky.

 

“Here,” Jensen said, reaching into his jacket and pulling out the bag of pregnancy tests. “If these aren’t enough proof have him take another.”

 

“Okay…” she looked absolutely stricken, clearly out of her element. “Um, yeah. I’m sorry, let me take you to get your insurance info and then we do some basics- Height, weight, blood pressure… And, uh, then we’ll get you settled in your room.”

 

Jared was barely paying attention, because as she was speaking another wave of nauseating pain swept over him. He whimpered and crossed his arms over his abdomen, Jensen leapt to his side, “You okay?”

 

“No,” Jared grunted.

 

“Here,” Jensen said to the nurse. “I’ll give you all the info you need, just get him to a doctor.”

 

The nurse nodded shakily but then snapped into helpful mode and got Jared a wheel chair and directed another nurse to take him back to room nine.

 

Jared hurried into the hospital gown as the pain let up again, and then laid back in the bed.

 

Luckily, Jensen was back in the room before Jared could talk himself into a huge freak out.

 

“Hey,” He said slowly, as Jensen walked into the room, “Hey,” Jensen echoed, settling himself into the lone seat next to the bed.

 

“I’m scared,” Jared said simply as Jensen sat back.

 

“Me, too,” Jensen whispered back. “But it’ll be fine. We’re in a hospital, we’re safe.”

 

Jared nodded, feeling a little empty. He held out his hand and Jensen took it, each of their palms sweaty from fears untold. Even that simple act, the fact that Jensen was there, holding his hand made Jared feel that much better, that much safer.

 

It seemed to hold the same effect on Jensen.

 

Jared looked over at Jensen, for the first time seeing the pale face, the tight pressed lips… Jensen was freaking the hell out.

 

Somehow even that comforted Jared, and he found himself giving Jen’s hand a little squeeze, “Thanks for being here.”

 

“Where else would I be?”

 

Jared smiled, Jensen didn’t even know how incredible he was. The very fact that in his mind there was no other place that he could be… Jared smiled a little wider, amazing.

 

Then the pain hit him again.


	6. Chapter 6

  
Author's notes: :: sings :: Because **Magos** is amazing... :: stops singing :: Uh, right... I give you (insert drum roll here) The next chapter! ... I am such a dork, lol.

* * *

Jared was doing everything in his power not to throw a hissy fit. But seriously… COME ON!!!

 

“Jay… How you doin’?”

 

Jared growled at Jensen, know that while Jen wasn’t actually trying to goad him… Goading was precisely what he was doing.

 

“How do you think I’m doing?” he growled. “I’ve just been put on a week of bed rest!”

 

“Jay,” Jensen said slowly, “Come on, you heard the doctor…

 

\-----

 

_“So, what seems to be the trouble?” the doctor said as she bustled in._

_“My…” Jensen looked at Jared quickly and then back at the doctor, “Jared’s pregnant.”_

_“Oh, my,” She leaned against the counter. “Are you two the parents?”_

_“Yes,” Jensen said, “I’m the other father.”_

_“Oh, wow, congratulations!” She looked so pleased, surprised, but really happy. “This is so rare! You’re really very lucky.”_

_“Thanks,” Jensen flushed, Jared doing the same._

_“No, thank you,” She beamed at them, “I’ll be able to meet some amazing people in my field… Oh, wow…” She couldn’t seem to wrap her head around it._

_“Well, thanks,” Jared gritted out, clutching his abdomen, “But I’m really worried here.”_

_“Of course, I’m so sorry. How far along are you?”_

_“I’m not sure,” the words were uttered quietly through gritted teeth, not exactly a lie. He and Jensen had shared more than one drunken night together on that god-forsaken week after Sandy left him; not that Jensen seemed to remember._

_“I take it this was unplanned then?” Jared nodded. “Well, it’s nothing to worry about._

_“As this is such a rare condition and a dying field, it’s lucky I studied it, but the idea intrigued me. Long story short, the male that is determined to have the body strong enough to bear the changes needed to bear a child becomes pregnant and for about a month nothing big happens._

_“Then the body begins to adjust. It’s usually quite painful, but it’s nothing to be alarmed about,” she smiled at them. “All it requires is a week of total bed-rest. And, while I’m am sorry to say it, you’re going to be in quite a bit of pain._

_“Again, it’s nothing to worry about. After that, the body should be fully adjusted to the fetus and all of its growth needs, but until that happens…”_

_“Bed rest?” Jensen said, asking, but not really needing an answer._

_“For a week,” Jared grumbled._

_“That’s right,” the doctor chirped. “And you should come back to the hospital some time after that week, earliest possible convenience, of course, and I’m going to get you started on some pre-natal vitamins. The only thing that’s any cause for worry is if you notice any bleeding- Free flowing or under the skin.” She looked at them seriously, “If you notice that, come straight back here. Call my cell phone,” she handed them her card, a cell phone and home phone number scrawled carefully across the back, “And call it when you’re leaving your house so that I can be here and ready for you by the time you get here. Okay?”_

_Jensen nodded, pocketing the card, “Is there anything else you need to do?”_

_“If you’d like,” she smiled, “It’s too early to see much, but I can do an ultra-sound to make sure that everything is progressing properly?”_

_“We’d like,” Jensen answered, “We’d like that very much.” The doctor nodded and then pointed to the door, “I’m just going to order an ultra sound then.”_

_Jared nodded, pain abating momentarily. As soon as she left he couldn’t help but tease Jensen a little, “The stronger male bears the child.”_

_“Yeah,” Jensen scoffed, “Or the one that took it up the butt.”_

_Jared burned bright red, “Fine, you carry the next one then.”_

_Jensen quirked a brow, “Next one?”_

_This time, Jared was glad that the pain hit him then. It gave him an excuse to hold Jensen’s hand that much tighter- As well as avoiding the question…_

 

\-----

 

“Yeah,” Jared admitted, “I heard the doctor, but still… This totally sucks!”

 

“Actually,” Jensen said, glancing at him as he drove them home from picking up the prescription. “I don’t think it could have come at a better time.”

 

“Excuse me?” Jared said, gob smacked.

 

“Think about it for a sec, Jay,” Jensen said, a total air of innocence. “With this week of bed rest, the writers can do a totally Dean centric episode, and you can film your shots after we finish- One of those pluses to having started shooting early. And by the time you start to show, and by the time you’re about to give birth… We’ll be on a shooting hiatus… It’s a miracle in more ways than one, this baby and its timing.”

 

Jared looked at him, smiling, “You’ve really thought this out, haven’t you?”

 

“Haven’t been able to think of much else, Jay…” He looked around carefully before he turned. “I know how much you love what you do… If I had any part in making that not possible…” He shook his head a little, unable to look at Jared. “Well, I’d hate myself if I caused that.

 

“But the timing,” he said, forcing cheer into his voice, “I mean, this way… You can have the baby during hiatus and… By the time we start shooting again, you should be all healed up… Maybe we can even bring the kid to set, you know? Hire a nanny for when we’re shooting together and then, uh, we can sit with it when we’re waiting, you know?”

 

Jared bit his lip, tears welling in his eyes as he felt the love wash over him. “Aw,” he murmured, and then looked at his stomach, “You’re gonna be so loved, baby.”

 

Jensen looked over at him, sniffing through his smile. His beautiful, teary, perfect smile. Jared smiled back, how could he not?


	7. Chapter 7

  
Author's notes: Again for **Magos186** because, really, who could not love this girl? ^^

\-----

* * *

Jared was crying when Jensen got home that morning after wrap. All out sobbing, and it scared the crap out of Jensen.

 

He’d opened the door and could hear Jared crying all the way in the master bedroom. He ran up the stairs, practically kicking the damn door in. He hurried over to the bed, and pulled Jared’s sob-wracked frame against his chest, hugging the younger man. “Jay, what’s wrong man?”

 

“I ca-can’t believe he bl-bl-bl…” He pulled in a heavy breath, “Blamed hi-hi-his s-s-s-s-s-son!” he finished in a stuttering wail. 

 

“Who, sweetie?” Jensen asked, rubbing Jared’s shoulder, trying to soothe the man in his arms. God the amount of emotions Jared was dispensing at any given moment was enough to make him want to scream.

 

“Lionel,” Jared whimpered, sniffing and pulling back and wiping his eyes.

 

Jensen shook his head a little, “Lionel? Lionel who?”

 

“Luthor,” Jared sniffed, in a duh tone of voice.

 

“Lionel… _Luthor_?”

 

“Yeah, he blamed Lex for his blindness even though he just saved him from freakin’ dying,” Jared said, rant and anger coating his voice now that the tears had let up. 

 

“What season of Smallville are you on, Jay?” 

 

Jared sighed heavily, “I’m only on season one because I kept napping so I could stay up with you for a bit.”

 

“That sounds vaguely ominous,” Jensen said, taking information that Jared wanted to stay up with him as a sort-of threat. Like he wanted to talk to Jensen about ending their just started relationship.

 

“No, nothing like that,” Jared said, tugging Jensen’s jacket a little, and kissing him lightly. “Just, with you gonna be at work all the time and me, well, not… I just know I’m not going to see you much this week. That and…” Jared trailed off, his face burning bright red.

 

“What?” Jensen asked around a laugh. “Come on,” he teased, turning Jared’s face towards him again, “You know you can tell me anything.”

 

“It’s not so much tell, as ask,” Jared said, peeking at Jensen through his hair, and then staring fixedly at the DVD’s screensaver on the TV.

 

“Ask away, sweetie. I’d give you a kidney f you needed it- You know that.” Jensen settled himself on the bed next to Jared.

 

“I’m just… I’m really hungry.” 

 

“Okay, I’ll go whip something up for you-”

 

“No, um,” Jared blushed even more red. “I want cereal.”

 

“Okay, I can get you a bowl of… You’re shaking your head?”

 

“I know how tired you are after shooting, how tired I normally am after shooting and you’re doing it all this week… I feel so mean even thinking of asking you to go out and buy-”

 

“Don’t,” Jensen said, pushing the sense of exhaustion out and down within him. “I’ll be back in a bit, okay? Maybe a bath’ll help with the pain.”

 

“What pain?” Jared said, the picture of innocence. 

 

“Even if you aren’t in pain right now? I’m sure that’s not true for the whole time I was gone,” Jared tipped his head, hiding his face- point for Jensen, and point made. “So, I’ll run you a bath and then we’ll eat with cereal and hang out when I get back, sound good?”

 

“Nope,” Jared said, sliding to the edge of the bed. “Sounds perfect,” he kissed Jensen’s cheek and then strolled to the bathroom, sending him a wink over his shoulder before shutting the door behind him.

 

Jensen shook his head, a little smile on his face until he realized he had no idea what the hell kind of cereal Jared wanted. ‘Oh, well,’ he thought, ‘Simply the best for my baby.’ The smile turned into a smirk, ‘Both of them…’

 

He shook his head and turned around heading into the early morning light, one of those fun things about shooting in the dark all the time was that you became what is essentially a nocturnal creature.

 

He was just getting out of his parked car at the supermarket when he realized he had _no_ idea what kind of cereal that Jared wanted. Crrrap.

 

Which one? Crap, crap, crap, CRAP!

 

Wait- He had an answer for this! He slid his phone out of his pocket, hitting the speed dial. 

 

“Hey, man,” he said when his friend answered. “You mind helping me out?”

 

“No, what’s up?” Mike coughed a little.

 

“Act like you’re stoned,” Jensen said, “And tell me what kind of cereal you want.”

 

“Act?” Mike laughed, “Where are you?”

 

“Um, corner of Fifth and Talon, at the grocery store.”

 

“Be there in five.”

 

Jensen looked at the phone in his hand and shrugged, sitting on the hood of his car to wait.

 

As he stared at his folded his hand, he realized something. He hadn’t told Mikey, or Tommy, or Christian- Hell, even Kripke didn’t know that he and Jared were going to be proud papa’s. 

 

All of a sudden this seemed like a perfect time for him to utter his favorite swear word.

 

Loudly, and repeatedly. 

 

“Shit. Shit. SHIT.” Hell, maybe even another, “FUCK!”

 

“You didn’t have to tell me where you were if you didn’t want me showing up,” Mike said, pulling off his sunglasses.

 

As soon as he did, he realized why Mike had thought it so amusing that Jensen had asked him to act stoned. Jensen chuckled- And then the reality of the situation set in. _shit._


	8. Chapter 8

  
Author's notes: So much credit must go to May because she was my muse for so much of this! Love ya, doll! And to Jensen fo the cereal ideas! XD

\-----

* * *

“So, why are you freakin’ out?” Mikey asked, sliding onto the hood next to Jensen.

 

“I’m not, I just-”

 

“Decided to call me in a panic over _cereal_? Dude, I’m not that far gone.” Jensen shook his head with a little laugh. But seriously, how was he supposed to do this?

 

He had to tell Mikey right now that not only was he dating Jared (thank God Mikey knew he was Bi) but that Jared was having a kid, too- His kid.

 

This was bound to be fun.

 

Mikey pulled out his bowl, lighter flicking in the darkness for a moment, and then he turned to Jensen, voice strangled slightly as he held the smoke in, “So, talk to me, and then let’s get some Coco Krispies, because those are just fuckin’ awesome.”

 

Jensen laughed again, and then took the bowl, shocking himself as Mike leaned over at lit it. He inhaled deeply, one cough escaping him. “Damn,” he hacked, Mike always did get the best shit. Jensen exhaled slowly, letting the calm settle into his frame before jumping up and shaking his arms out. “Ready?”

 

“Sure,” Mike said, tapping the bowl on the hood and blowing the ashes away. He slid the bowl and lighter into his inside pocket and then grabbed a cart while he caught up to Jensen. 

 

The sight of Mike standing on the slim bar and holding onto the cart as he pushed it with one foot was, well, pretty priceless. Jensen shook his head as Mike passed him by, and crashed into the door frame.

 

“It was a squeaky cart, anyway,” Mike muttered as Jensen steered a different one.

 

They walked towards the cereal aisle, Mike grabbing random brightly colored packages and tossing them into the cart as they caught his fancy.

 

“So,” Jensen said, looking pointedly away from Mike. “Jared and I… You know that we’re close, right?”

 

“Couldn’t be peasier if you tried,” Mike agreed, tossing a bag of water balloons into the cart. 

 

“Well, sure,” Jensen said, half trying to figure that out, “Anyway, you’ve known that he and I were pretty close for a while-”

 

“Were?” Mike asked, grabbing the other end of the cart. “Did nova go supernova?”

 

“What?!”

 

“You switched to past tense, what happened? Did Sasquatch accidentally step on you?”

 

“What, no!” Jensen shook his head, hoping that he wouldn’t somehow be sucked into Mike’s stoned thought process. Clearly, it was a losing battle. “Jared and I are… That is… Jay and I have started dating.” Jensen tensed, waiting for the reaction.

 

“Ah, apparently you could be peasier, way to prove me wrong,” Mike scoffed, grabbing the cart and turning it down the cereal aisle. 

 

Jensen shook his head, and turned to see Mike munching on some Cookie Crisp. “What happened to Coco Krispies?”

 

He shook his head as he watched Mike tip a handful of cereal into his mouth. “Mmm,” he moaned, crunching on his mouthful, “Delicious.”

 

“Lovely,” Jensen muttered, for the first time in a long time seeing just how many kinds of cereal that there were.

 

Jensen started to feel the calming of the top notch weed he’d hit starting to wear off as he looked at all the boxes surrounding him.

 

“Dude, breathe,” Mike said, dropping the box and stepping in its spilled contents as he moved to clutch Jensen’s shoulders.

 

“But Jared wants cereal,” Jensen panted, his breaths coming in sharp pants as he worked himself into a panic.

 

“So, call and ask him what he wants, bitch boy.”

 

Jensen let the insult slide in his hysteria induced loss of control, “I can’t! He’s in the bath! And he’s on bed rest! He shouldn’t be walking!”

 

“Whoa, bed rest? What’s wrong with him?” Mike asked, shaking Jensen slightly.

 

“He’s pregnant! He’s having my kid and I can’t even fucking get him the cereal he wants because I’m an idiot and didn’t ask him what kind of cereal he wanted!”

 

“Oh,” Mike said, “Why don’t you just get one of each? Wouldn’t want the craving fairy to get pissed and make you some back out here.”

 

“I… What?” Jensen said, Mike’s calm demeanor breaking though. 

 

“Dude, even if you knew what cereal he wanted when you left, by the time you got back he’d have changed his mind.”

 

Jensen looked at Mike, and Mike shot him a huge dorky smile and then lunged for a box of cereal, “Dude! Get some Fruity Pebbles! Fruity Pebbles are the shit!”

 

“One of each?” Jensen asked, looking around at the 723 varities.

 

“Hell yeah,” Mike agreed, mouth bulging with brightly colored bits. “Can’t hurt.”

 

Jensen nodded and started chucking boxes at random into his cart. He was about half way down the aisle when Mike sat down hard in the middle of it.

 

“Whoa, Mikey? You okay?” Jensen asked, crouching in front of him.

 

“Jared’s _pregnant_?”

 

“What? Yeah.” Jensen said, and Mike stared at him with his huge glassy eyes for a long moment before he started laughing. 

 

“Ah ha ha,” Mike laughed hysterically, “Dude, he’s gonna get so huge!”

 

Jensen shook his head in amusement, and left Mikey laying in the middle of the aisle, laughing his ass off.


	9. Chapter 9

  
Author's notes: For the Amazing Magos, because she has that wonderful brain sloshing around in her skull. And May? Thanks for being my self-proclaimed fangirl, you mean so much to me, because of what an amazing person you are. Love ya, chicadee!

\-----

* * *

Jensen did, for whatever reason, wait for Mikey to pick his ass up of the ground and haul himself into the car before he drove home. When they got there, Mike just leaned against the car munching on Coco Krispies and watched Jensen carry the 476 boxes of cereal into Jared’s house.

 

After he was done, Jensen walked back to the door and held it open.

 

“Finally!” Mike exclaimed, bounding up the stairs and launching himself onto the bed next to Jared. He bounced up and down a few times with the force of his leap onto the bed, and then rolled over, scooting up the bed until he was a mirror image of Jared; both leaning back against the head board, eyes on the TV.

 

“What’re we watching?” Mike asked.

 

“Smallville,” Jared said, pausing it and flushing.

 

“Oh,” Mikey’s face fell, “Can we maybe _not_ watch that?”

 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jared said, “I don’t like watching myself either.”

 

Mike shrugged, and Jensen sat down on the end of the bed as Jared flicked the screen off. “You okay, Mikey?”

 

“Of course, Jenny bean,” Mike said, clearly forcing a grin. “Congrats, Jay.”

 

“What?” Jared’s face turned bright red, “Thanks… Hey, know what? You’re the first person other than Chad that knows… You want to call and tell To-”

 

“No,” Mike said quickly, “I mean, you should tell him when you want, not just because I’m here.”

 

Jensen tossed Jared a look just in time to see Jared throwing the same look his way.

 

“Mike, are you okay?” Jensen felt his brow furrow, “I mean, since when do you get that fucking stoned by yourself?”

 

Mike looked down at his hands as he played with the air between them. “You know what sucks most about getting so comfortable on Smallville? Knowing that I lost the job because I’m a fucking idiot and just couldn’t put my bull shit aside and make it work with Tom.”

 

Jensen swallowed. He’d had his suspicions for a while, but since he never asked… They never told. Just like they’d never asked about him and Jared.

 

“Mike… You want to talk about it?” Jared whispered. Mikey shook his head and rubbed his eyes surreptitiously. 

 

“Well,” Jensen cleared his throat, “I’m gonna get you some cereal. What would you like, Jay?”

 

“What do you have?”

 

“Everything, literally everything.”

 

“Okay, then,” Jared smiled, half of his face covered with the hugeness of his grin. “I’ll take some cornflakes, a few Crunch Berries, with a handful of Raisin Bran, maybe a little bit of Fruit loops. Oh, and some Reese’s Puffs for good measure.”

 

Jensen stuck his tongue out at the concoction, but nodded and left to go and get it all the same.

 

When he came back upstairs, giant bowl in one hand and spoon in the other, he was only a little surprised to see Jared holding a softly crying Mike against him. He set the spoon and bowl on Jared’s nightstand and settled onto the other side of the bed, the six-foot man slouched between them.

 

Jensen laid a tentative hand on Mike’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as Jared’s hand continued its soothing motions along his back.

 

A few moments later, Mike sniffed heartily and sat up, “How is it possible that you’re the pregnant one and I’m the one crying?”

 

Jared laughed, and Jensen punched his shoulder lightly. “Cause you’re just that special, Rosey,” Jared said, digging into the cereal.

 

Jensen gagged a little and made a strange noise, his tongue feeling fuzzy. 

 

Mike, while not crying anymore was still stoned apparently, because he snaked the spoon for Jared and shoved a huge bite in his mouth before Jared got it back. He wrapped his arm around the bowl protectively as Mike laughed around his huge mouthful.

 

“Bitch,” Jared grumbled shoving another bite in his mouth as he cast Mike a side-long distrusting glance.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Mike chuckled, “So, what are you to married women gonna do tonight?”

 

Jensen quirked a brow, “Married women?”

 

“The way I see it?” Mike said leaning back and looking at Jensen, “You’re gonna be popping out another in no time, you two were made for each other.”

 

“Pansy,” Jensen laughed, as Mike ruined the seriousness of the moment by screwing his face up life the immature -but loveable- twit that he was.

 

“Okay, boys,” Jared said, setting the -and Jensen didn’t even want to know how he did it- empty bowl on the bed side table. “What’re we going to do tonight.”

 

“What we always do?” Mike said, ignoring the fact that Tom wasn’t there like always.

 

“Um, what we always do is drink, which I can’t do and then play video games and we usually end up wrestling, which I also can’t do,” Jared said, not sounding the least bit like he was distressed by this news. And that was something that left Jensen with a nice warm fuzzy feeling.

 

“So, let’s watch a movie instead,” said Jensen, shrugging when the two other men looked at him. “I’m sure we can find something that’s suitably mock worthy that’s on in the middle of the night in the middle of the week.”

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Jared said, carefully getting off the bed. “I’m gonna hit the bathroom, Jen why don’t you make popcorn and grab you and Mike some beers?”

 

“Sure,” Jensen said, loving that Jared waited to get started until Jensen had kissed his cheek lightly.

 

Only when Jensen had shoved a bag of popcorn into the microwave did he realize that Mike had followed him downstairs.

 

“Fuck,” Jensen uttered as Mike scared the crap out of him when he leapt onto the counter, letting his legs swing back and forth.

 

“See?” Mike said, making a whip sound as he flicked his wrist, “Married women.”


	10. Chapter 10

All for my muse Magos, she’s beyond incredible. I hope this makes her day. ::hugs::

 

\-----

 

Jared shifted slightly, throwing his arm over his eyes in the early afternoon light.

 

“Wait, shh shh shh,” Jensen hushed.

 

“What’s up?” Mike whispered back.

 

“Just seeing if Jay’s awake; he always does that when he’s waking up.” Jensen murmured, “But I guess if he was awake he’d be asking what’re we’re talking about, so I think we’re good.”

 

Jared left his eyes closed, and kept his breathing low and easy, fighting not to fall back asleep.

 

“How long have you been living together?” Mike asked, shifting slightly.

 

“Not long,” Jensen laughed lowly, “Just something I picked up on set.”

 

“Ah,” Mike murmured, “Yeah, it was like that with me and Tom, too. I still remember the first time I admitted that there was something more between us…

 

“It was a scene for the season three premier, and Tom had to rip his shirt open…” Mike’s voice got a very far away tinge, “And, I mean, the man has abs of steel, but… All I could look at was the swell of his hip. The way that his hip jutted out above the waist band of his jeans… It was addictive; I couldn’t look away, that’s when I knew…”

 

“Yeah, I had that moment with Jay, too,” Jensen whispered back, “We… We were filming the season one finale and there was this one scene where he’s reading and I’m doing something in the trunk and I was supposed to give him a sign to get him to start. 

 

“I fucked up so many takes,” Jensen laughed. Jared smiled a little, remembering. It was amusing now, but it sure hadn’t been at the time. “And I fucked them all up for the same reason- Jay… He has this little bored habit. He does this thing where he flips his pen or pencil around his thumb. And I just stood at the trunk and watched that pencil go ‘round and ‘round his thumb, practically drooling… That’s when I knew that I liked him as more than a friend.”

 

“When did you two finally get together?” Mike asked.

 

Jared felt the bed shift, hearing Jensen shrug, “I knew he didn’t see me that way, so I didn’t say anything. Then Sandy dumped him and I got him really drunk- Next thing I knew I had a lap full of Padalecki, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

 

“Not that you tried to say no.”

 

“Not that I tried to say no,” Jensen agreed. “What about you and Tom? I mean, what happened?”

 

“You know me,” Mike said, a soft self deprecating laugh escaping him. “I have to be Rosey, have to be that punk ass guy that nothing sticks to…

 

“It just… It got to be too much for me, the way I felt about him, when I realized what it was… That, you know, I l…” Mike couldn’t say the word, but Jared could feel Jensen nodding. “I just, I couldn’t hide it anymore. I told him that I couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t share him, I told him it was all or nothing, and before he could even answer… His phone rang; it was Jamie…” Mike paused, taking a deep breath, even his whisper was shaking a little. “And Tommy… He just held up a finger, like just a sec, you know?”

 

Jared felt Jensen nod again. 

 

“That’s when I knew,” Mike murmured, shrugging. “I talked to Beeman and everybody and yhey said it wouldn’t be a problem to basically write me out of the show… So that was that.”

 

“Jesus,” Jensen murmured. “I’m sorry, Mike.”

 

“I just wanted what you and Jay Bear have,” Mike sighed, “That one on one, you know? Hell, I’d settle down, have kids if that’s what he wanted… And every time I see him, I still hope for that little flash of hip…” Mike laughed.

 

“I’m all bout the pencil flips still,” Jensen agreed.

 

“It was Jen’s eyes for me,” Jared murmured, rolling onto his back. “We were talking, I can’t even remember what about, but Jen just got so passionate about it… He was gesturing and leaning towards me and just… He was so excited,” Jared smiled. “His eyes… When I looked at the, I actually dropped my coffee.

 

“They looked like they were on _fire_ with all the passion behind them, and I felt like I could see his soul in ‘em… 

 

“And then,” Jared whispered, “Just for a second, they flashed blue. And the gold flecks swallowed his irises and the green bled through… And they were still glowing with his passion… Never seen anything sexier in my life.” Jared looked over at them, swallowing harshly as Jensen’s eyes flashed at him over Mike’s head, “Sorry about listening in,” Jared apologized.

 

“No, it’s okay,” Mike said, forcing a smile. And man was a good actor, only reason Jared knew it was forced was because it didn’t melt the black ice in his eyes. 

 

“No, it’s not,” Jared said, but when he opened his mouth to speak again, his words melted into a whimper of pain. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” he muttered, seeing the flash of panic on Jensen’s face.

 

“Shh,” Jensen hushed, leaping off the bed and hurrying around, pulling Jared against him as he linked their hands. “Squeeze if it hurts too bad.” 

 

Jared nodded, biting his lower lips tightly as he clutched Jensen’s hand, swearing he could feel his stomach moving around.

 

“Are you okay?” Mike asked, sliding to a crouch.

 

Jared nodded, squeezing Jen’s hand tighter.

 

“Should I can an ambulance?” Mike asked, as Jared let out a pained grunt, pain rippling across his abdomen.

 

“Nuh,” Jared grunted, shaking his head in the negative. Mike’s eyes flicked up to Jensen’s, but Jensen shook his head, too. “Give it a sec, it’ll pass,” he murmured softly.

 

And in a few moments, it did. Jared breathed heavily, slowly uncurling his hand. Jensen kissed the top of his head.

 

“My body,” Jared breathed slowly, looking at Mike, “It’s adjusting to the baby. It’s nothing to worry about, but it hurts like a bitch. 

 

“Really helps having Jen around to cling to when it does,” he smiled a little.

 

“Well, there you go,” Jensen said. 

 

Mike and Jared looked at him blankly.

 

“Mikey, will you baby-sit Jared for me this week?”

 

Mike laughed, “Sure, I’ll baby sit your baby- Both of them.”


	11. Chapter 11

  
Author's notes: All for Magos, because she put up with all my cracked out blarg-ness and totally inspired the idea for this and the next chapter.

\-----

* * *

Jensen left for work, leaving Mikey and Jared on Jared’s bed with a stack of DVDs and a giant stack of cereal boxes.

 

After wrap, which was surprisingly early all things considered, Jensen decided he was going to do something… something that might be considered particularly stupid.

 

He got in his car and started to drive.

 

Not home; no driving home after a day of shooting would just make too damn much sense.

 

No, he started driving _away_ from home. 

 

He started driving to his old set. If Mikey stopped smoking for ten minutes and he found out about this? Jensen was going to get his ass kicked and he was okay with that. It was more than worth it if he could do some kind of good… Oh yeah, more than worth it.

 

He sighed and settled his foot a little heavier than was needed on the gas pedal as he hit the highway. 

 

Smallville was just about to wrap when he pulled on set, thankful that they had the same security guard working the gate today that they did four seasons ago. He just nodded and let Jensen pass, no questions asked.

 

Jensen parked and leaned against his car. Tom’s was still there, and that meant that the man was, clearly, not all that far away.

 

And Jensen was right; oh, how he loved when he was right. 

 

He could feel his hands shaking as he leaned against the car and Tom started walking towards him. 

 

“Hey, Jen! What’re you doing here?” Tom asked, flashing those giant pearly whites and those freakin’ dimples that made him look boyish even though he was six-three.

 

“Um, I saw Mikey and-”

 

Tom’s head whipped around, casting paranoid glances in all directions. “You want to head to a bar? You can pick, I’ll follow you.”

 

“Sure!” That’s what Jensen should have said. But no, Jensen had to be all… Jensen. So instead he said, “Why don’t we head back to my place? You can still follow…?”

 

“Sounds good,” Tom nodded, sliding into his car.

 

They were almost at Jared’s exit when Jensen’s phone chirped to life. He watched the road for a careful moment and then quickly scooped his phone up from its resting place on the passenger’s seat. 

 

“Lo?” He asked, glancing in the rear-view mirror.

 

“Hey, you wrap yet?”

 

“Yeah, a little bit ago. What’s up?”

 

“Nothing, I was just thinking that maybe you should head home and pick up some clothes, then maybe this week end we can pack some more stuff up and you can officially move in?”

 

Jensen laughed a little, “Did you just ask me to move in over the phone, Jay?”

 

There was a long pause, “Is that bad?”

 

Jensen laughed again, “No, it sounds about right for us, Jay.”

 

“I have a feeling that I should be insulted by that, but… Well, I’m not.” Jared chuckled along with Jensen, but then covered the phone, not completely muffling his words. ‘ _No, Mike, I’m not going to ask him to get you a pizza with weed in the sauce… No, I’m not. … No, I’m not! Shut up, Mike, I’m talking to my boy._ ’ Jared paused, “Okay, you’re laughing- How much of that did you hear?”

 

“I’m thinking I heard all of it. Tell him that I’m not getting him a weed pizza.”

 

There was a long pause, “I will not tell him that.”

 

Jensen laughed, “Why not?”

 

“Because I will not give him any more reason to bug me to bug you about weed- Shut up Mikey!”

 

Jensen laughed, “Okay, I’ll let you get back to your attempts to keep Mike’s mind off a weed pizza.”

 

“Wish me luck?”

 

“Of course, babe. Luck,” Jensen said, and Jared laughed a thank you out before ending the call.

 

Jensen flicked his brights on for a second and then turned off, Tom following as he started towards his house. Well, his old house apparently.

 

When he got there he waited, ignoring the weird look that Tom sent his way by simply opening the door and letting Tom in.

 

“So, you want to talk here?” Tom asked.

 

“Seems best, doesn’t it?” Jensen called, heading down the hall to his bedroom. “Why don’t you grab a beer? I’ll be out in a few.”

 

“Okay,” Tom called back, sounding a little baffled, but Jensen heard the fridge open all the same. He smiled a little to himself and shoved some clothes at random into a duffle bag before walking out and meeting Tom in the living room.

 

“So, what’s up?” Tom asked, “Did Mikey send you?”

 

“No,” Jensen said, snagging the unopened beer from the coffee table.

 

“But since you mentioned it, what the fuck happened between you two? Far as I knew, you were a pretty solid match.”

 

Tommy shrugged, “No, Jamie and I were solid… Mikey and I… It just jumped up on me, and there was no way to fight it, so I didn’t. But, I couldn’t just leave Jamie in a lurch… I mean, she’s been there for me through so much.”

 

“Including your affair with Mikey, Tom… That wasn’t really fair to her either. Wasn’t fair to either of you.”

 

Tom half nodded, “Look, until I figure out what to do… I mean, I know Mike’s hurting and Jamie knows I’m hurting, even if she doesn’t know the reason… So until I figure out what to do? Can we just not talk about it? Can I just not think about it? Please, it’s the only thing I’ve been able to think about and I think I’ll go insane if I think about it for one more second. Please, distract me, I’m begging you.”

 

“Okay,” Jensen nodded, “Jared’s pregnant. With my kid.”

 

“What?” Tom cried, the bottle slipping from his hand and crashing to the cherry wood floor.

 

“Yep, he’s having my baby,” Jensen said, “Oh, and we’ve started dating, you know, in case you missed that.”


	12. Chapter 12

  
Author's notes: For my amazing beta for this chap, Magos. And for her because she's just awesome.

\-----

* * *

“You… He’s… Oh…”

 

That’s the last thing Tom said. Jensen did the whole waving the hand in the face, snapping the fingers thing, but Tom just continued to gape at him, mouth flopped open.

 

Jensen sighed, amusement having worn off, and picked up Tom’s beer, getting a towel to toss on the mess. He threw the bottle into the recycling bin and then settled onto the counter to finish his own beer. He felt bad drinking around Jared, and it wasn’t like he was going to bring the beer to Jay’s house. That didn’t make much sense, now did it? No, no it did not.

 

He dropped his own empty beer bottle into the bin and shuffled back into the living room.

 

Tom was still gaping at the spot where Jensen had been sitting, and Jensen picked up his bag. “Okay, I’m heading to Jay’s house- Do you want to follow, or do you want a ride?” Tom didn’t do anything. “Okay, time to get up big boy,” Jensen murmured, and then physically forced Tom into action. Tom was acting like a giant sleeping child, dragging his feet along the ground, only moving them on his own accord when Jensen threatened to push him down the stairs if he didn’t.

 

Jensen dragged Tom around the car, half shoving half helping Tom into the car after he unlocked the door.

 

It was a little weird, driving to Jared’s house knowing that Mike was there. It was even weirder knowing that Tom was in the car but not saying a damn thing, barely doing a damn thing to let Jensen know he was even there.

 

When Jensen pulled into Jared’s drive way, he turned off the car and sighed.

 

_There’s something I should tell you_ , he thought.

 

He stared at his hands on the wheel. He should say something, he should warn Tommy. Tommy was his friend. Fuck, he had to say something. “Tom.”

 

Tom looked at him, “I can’t believe Jared’s pregnant… That’s insane… I didn’t even know you guys were dating-”

 

“Jamie didn’t fuckin’ know about you and Mike! Why’s it such a big deal?” Jensen snapped, the tension within him making him snap.

 

“Jen…” Tom frowned, the words clearly hitting him like a punch to the gut. 

 

“Sorry,” Jensen murmured, unable to decipher if he really was or not.

 

“No, you’re right, Jen… It wasn’t fair, what I did to Jamie… But the thing is,” Tom waited until Jensen met his eyes. “I’d do it all over again, Jen. I loved Jamie, I did. Hell, I still do… But the thing is, Mike completely changed what I thought love was… He’s… I mean, he and I…

 

“I don’t know why he wasted his time with me,” Tom whispered.

 

“Because it wasn’t wasting time to him, Tom.” Tom’s blue eyes flashed up to Jensen’s. “It wasn’t. It was so much more to him, and you just… You let him walk away- How could you do that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Tom uttered. 

 

“That’s not good enough,” Jensen said. “You owe him more than that… You owe yourself more than that, Tom.”

 

Tom bowed his head, “I don’t know! I don’t know why I let him walk away!”

 

Jensen laid his hand on Tom’s shoulder, “Then you’d better figure it out, soon.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because Mike’s inside,” Jensen said, “And you’d better have a better reason than that when you talk to him.”

 

Tom gaped at him again and Jensen shrugged. “Yeah, I did set you up like that, but if it helps? I’m pretty sure Mike’s gonna kick my ass when he finds out I picked you up.”

 

“It doesn’t really help, Jen.”

 

“Yeah, I figured. Worth a shot.” Jensen smiled at Tom and Tom just shook his head, a little smile on his face, too.

 

“You ready to go in?” Jensen asked.

 

“No,” Tom breathed.

 

“Okay,” Jensen said, settling back in his seat. And there they sat. For a good long while until all of a sudden, Jensen’s phone chirped Jared’s ring tone once again.

 

“Hello?”

 

“You coming in? I heard you pull up,” Jared said.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be in in a few,” Jensen answered. “Just wanted to hear the next song.”

 

“Goof,” Jared murmured, the single word acting as a loving caress.

 

“See you in a few,” Jensen said with a smile, and the call disconnected.

 

“Okay, you’ve got about three minutes, five if Jay isn’t really waiting- Hope that’s long enough.”

 

Tom gave a jerky nod, but they both knew it wasn’t. Oh, well; Tom shouldn’t have been a freakin’ jackass to Mikey. That would have solved all their problems before they’d even had one.

 

Tom sat there for a long time and then nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”

 

Jensen nodded and they got out almost in unison. Jensen bounded up the steps ahead of Tom and unlocked the door.

 

“Because you’re a fucking asshole that deserves to have his spleen ripped out and his head on a pike!” Jared screamed and then dissolved into tears.

 

Jensen dropped his duffle and sprinted up the stairs, “Jay, what’s wrong?”

 

Jared reached out and Jensen slid easily into his arms.

 

“What the fuck did you do to Jared?” Tom growled, bursting into the room. Two steps carried him across the room and he pulled Mike up by his shirt.

 

Mike’s jaw dropped, “Tommy?!” he gasped, his hands wrapping around Tom’s wrists.

 

 

“It wasn’t Mike!” Jared hollered between sobs. “It wasn’t Mike!” He repeated, more quietly, his face half buried in Jensen’s chest. “It was Chad.”


	13. Chapter 13

All for Magos, the girl who can give a hug better with words across the internet than I think anyone else could, possibly ever. She’s the best, and I just thought I would let everyone know. XD And it is her that is to thank for the sap included in this here chapter. Hope you like it!

 

\-----

 

Jensen softly unwrapped Jared’s arms from his hips, and laid him on the bed. The time for questions would come when Jared didn’t cry himself to sleep.

 

“You,” he pointed at Mike, “And you,” he pointed at Tom, his voice a husky growl. “Downstairs. Now.”

 

Mike looked like he wanted to argue, but he snapped his mouth shut when he looked at Jensen’s face and just marched out of the room with Tom hot on his heels.

 

Jensen clenched his jaw, and picked up Jared’s cell phone. He scrolled through the numbers, but didn’t call Chad. Oh- he _wanted_ to call Chad, but he wanted Jared to explain why he had to scream at him before he called to scream at him.

 

He sighed, and set Jared’s phone on the nightstand, kissing Jared’s brow, furrowed as it was even in sleep.

 

He crossed the room, snapping off the light and casting one last look at Jared before quietly closing the door and walking downstairs.

 

Jensen couldn’t help but freeze as he caught sight of the den.

 

Mike and Tom were standing there just looking at each other.

 

“You left,” Tom murmured.

 

Mike shrugged, “You let me.”

 

“I’m so-”

 

“Don’t speak,” Mike said, “Nothing’s changed.”

 

“ _Everything’s_ changed,” Tom disagreed. 

 

They stood there, looking at one another, and then as if giving in to some type of magnetism, the two came together.

 

Tom’s hands stretched out on Mike’s back, filling the broad space of it, while Mike’s hands fisted first on the front of Tom’s red t-shirt and then slid around to curve around his neck and hide in his hair as their lips met again and again in their quiet desperation to prove that this _was_ really happening.

 

Jensen felt almost as if he was invading their privacy, unable to tear his eyes away from the quiet passion being released. 

 

It was almost as if some kind of electricity was surrounding the two as they tried to get as close as possible to one another without actually merging, becoming one being.

 

“You know,” Mike panted, his breath harsh and desperate as they finally broke for a breath. “You don’t have to hide on the stairs, Jenny, you’re more than welcome to join in.” He smiled, his first non-drug induced smile in what Jensen could clearly assume was the first time since Tom had held up that single index finger all those months ago. 

 

Tom pulled Mike even closer for a moment, “Not a chance, I’m not sharing.”

 

Jensen smiled, and came down the rest of the stairs. He flopped onto the couch, smiling wider as Mike and Tom nestled together on other.

 

“So, I take it y’all are good now?” he asked, slightly rhetorically.

 

“Mmm,” Mike purred, closing his eyes. Tom sighed, just feeling Mike in his arms again, before pulling out of his love induced mind-fart.

 

“So,” he asked, forcing his eyes open, “What’s the deal with Chad, did Jared tell you anything?”

 

Jensen shook his head, “No, he really passed out- Mike you were there, do you know anything?”

 

Mike shook his head, “All I heard was Jared saying ‘You said what? No you didn’t. No, you didn’t. No, you _didn’t_!’ and the insult that I’m pretty sure you heard.” 

 

Jensen nodded, “You don’t know anything else though?” Mike shook his head again, and Jensen sighed. 

 

“Well, at least y’all are all fruity happy now.”

 

“Fruity? Was the really necessary?” Tom asked, but Mikey was smirking.

 

He looked at them, Mike leaning against Tom, half on his lap. “Yes… Yes it was.”

 

Tom frowned playfully, but Mike just laughed and contorted his body in some strange way as he leaned up and kissed Tom lightly.


	14. Chapter 14

A *way* quick update that -hopefully- doesn’t suck too bad because I felt mean for making Magos wait, because it must be said once again just how amazing she is. She gets props for quite a few lines in this chapter, as well as the fic overall, because when IM-ing her? BRILLIANT WOMAN! Just had to say, cause you know, it’s true.

 

\----

 

Jared sighed, waking up and rolling over to see a clearly irritated Jensen sitting up beside him in bed. “Jen? Did you stay up all-”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But you have to work in-”

 

“Yes; yes, I do.”

 

“So why did you-”

 

“Because I need to know what’s going on with Chad,” Jensen spat the last word out as if it left a bad taste in his mouth. 

 

“I’m going to call him and verbally punch him in the face,” Jared responded matter-of-factly, his face splitting in a huge yawn as soon as he finished speaking.

 

“I'll actually punch him in the face,” Jensen said, studying his nails, his tone completely emotionless; clearly, this was just a fact, no embellishment was needed. “He deserves it, and I don't even know what he did.”

 

Jared smiled, but it quickly turned to a frown as he opened his mouth to tell Jensen what had happened…

 

_“Hello?” Jared said, laughter from something ridiculous about corndog death that Mikey had uttered coloring his voice._

_“Hey, Jared.”_

_“Oh, hey Chris! I didn’t recognize the number,” he muttered, a little embarrassed at having actually admitted that._

_But Christian just laughed too, “Yeah, I know; I normally just call Jen’s phone.”_

_“Yeah, he’s still at work. Want me to give him a message for you or something?”_

_“Yeah,” he said, and suddenly he was completely serious. “I want to know what the fuck is going on with y’all.”_

_“Excuse me?” Jared said, all laughter gone. Clearly, there was some kind of insult here._

_“Apparently you had some kind of mental break, and you’re taking Jen down with you?”_

_“Who the fuck did you hear that from?” Jared hissed, his voice low and menacing._

_“Chad told me-” Jared hung up, and then quickly dialed Chad’s number._

_“Hey, did Christian talk to you?” Chad answered._

_“So, you did talk to him?” Jared said, surprised that Chad was actually owning up._

_“Well, yeah. I’m worried about you. I mean you_ actually _think that you’re pregnant. And somehow you’ve got Jensen believing it, too. So, I called him and told him I thought you were losing it, that you were just fucking with Jensen’s head-”_

_“You said what?!” Jared cried, anger flushing up his neck and burning in his cheeks._

_“I said I thought you were just fucking with Jensen’s head-”_

_“No you didn’t,” Jared uttered, the words coming out in a rush._

_“Yeah, I did-”_

_“No, you didn’t,” Jared repeated, disbelieving still._

_“Yeah, I-”_

_“No, you_ didn’t _!” Jared exclaimed. Chad was supposed to be his friend._ What _the **fuck**!_

_“You’re a guy, Jared! You can’t get pregnant!” Chad screamed. “How you got Jensen to believe it, I’ll never know, but you have to be stopped!”_

_“I- I- I-” Jared searched for words, any word at this point was good enough, he was sure. “I have no words! That’s how_ angry _I am right now!”_

_“Why?” Chad scoffed, clearly about to say something else._

_“Because you’re a fucking asshole that deserves to have his spleen ripped out and his head on a pike!” He heard himself scream, grateful in some part of him that he managed to click the phone off before the tears came…_

 

Jensen blinked.

 

That’s all, just blinked.

 

Clearly, he had no words. Then, snapping out of it, he stood, taking off his pajama pants.

 

“What’re you doing?” Jared asked as Jensen pulled on a pair of jeans.

 

“Looking for my shoes,” he responded, voice flat.

 

“Why?” Jared asked, confused.

 

“Because I have to learn how to conduct a train.”

 

Jared blinked, “Any particular reason you have a sudden yen to blow a really big whistle all over the country?” He shook his head, choosing to ignore _that_ phallic symbolism.

 

“Well, it would take too long to tar-n-feather Chad and then quarter him just to go get Christian. I have to be at work.”

 

“What we’re you going to do to Chris?”

 

“Iron maiden,” he said, the duh clearly implied.

 

“Right,” Jared said, “But you’re going to learn to conduct a train instead?”

 

“Yeah, I figure it’d be quicker and just as painful to tie them up and run over them with a train.”

 

“You know you can’t actually do that, right?”

 

Jensen stopped moving, “You don’t love me enough to be my alibi?”

 

“Jen!” Jared said, laughter cracking through. He reached out, tugging Jensen back onto the bed.

 

Jensen pretended to fight Jared’s arms around him for about half a second before sighing, “Can I run them over if I ever learn how to conduct a train for a role?”

 

“Sure, Jen,” Jared murmured, holding him close. “If you ever play a great train conductor, I will _help_ you tie them up.”

 

Jensen pushed himself that much more into Jared’s embrace, “Well… Okay then.”


	15. Chapter 15

For **Magos186** as per usual, because she remains to be a very shiny light in my life, very very shiny in fact. With just a few sentences, or a well placed emoticon, she brightens my day; the more days it happens, the more positive I tend to be. … Which is scary for me, but kinda great, too. And hey, if you’ve made it through this author’s note you deserve props, too, so yay for you. 

 

\-----

 

Jared swallowed a hiss against the burn. It was tradition. Get home, down whiskey, feel burn, get beer, go numb.

 

He was on step three, too lazy to move onto step four. Ah, well. Tradition was worth more than he was lazy.

 

He shoved himself up off the couch and ambled to the kitchen, pulling open the fridge and twisting the bottle cap off, letting the cool carbonation wash over his tongue. Delicious.

 

He sighed and set the bottle on the counter he’d been leaning on as he heard a knock on the door.

 

Well, not so much a knock as a pound.

 

He opened the door, and practically gasped. 

 

Jensen was there, pacing back and forth, jacket shoved back by the hands on his hips.

 

“Jensen?” Jared asked, pushing the screen door open, “What’re you doing here?”

 

“What am I doing here?!” Jensen cried, the question clearly rhetorical. “What do you think I’m doing here!”

 

“I don’t know, if I knew I wouldn’t have asked,” Jared sighed, his tone clear and calm.

 

“Fine. Why don’t you explain why our daughter is crying her damn eyes out?!”

 

“What!? Is Ange okay?”

 

“Why don’t you tell me?” Jensen said, uttering a swear under his breath. “Christ, Jay, when we got divorced, I knew things would get worse between us, but I never thought you’d take it out on our _daughter_!”

 

Jared shot up with a gasp, pain radiating across his abdomen.

 

He moaned as the pain just seemed to go on for hours.

 

He felt the tears burning streaks down his cheeks, but he didn’t care, it just had to stop hurting. 

 

He groaned and gritted his teeth. 

 

He’d fallen asleep with Jensen in his arms, and woken up to a stomach with C4 in it. Not to mention the worst dream he’d ever had, possibly ever.

 

His mind just went completely blank, thoughts erased by the pain. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. He gritted his teeth, breathing through them. Oh, let him go numb; _please_ let him go numb.

 

His vision -already blurry- was soon decorated by static, and slowly faded out as his body shut down slightly to escape the pain. 

 

He uttered a word of thanks as he passed out…

 

“Jen?” Jared breathed, his eyes still closed; he was pleasantly numb around his stomach.

 

“Yeah, sweetie?” Jensen murmured, obviously half-asleep.

 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Jared said, snapping on his bedside table.

 

“I tried,” Jensen uttered, pulling the pillow over his head. “But you bit me.”

 

“I did not,” Jared said, then he looked at Jensen’s hand when it was shoved just in front of his face. A clear crescent of red, imprinted teeth marks marred the flesh. “Oh, my god; I did.” He grabbed Jensen’s wrist and pressed a gentle kiss to the bite. “I’m sorry, Jen.”

 

“I’ll live,” Jensen murmured, arm curling over the pillow on his head. 

 

Jared kissed his vicious bite mark again. 

 

“Want to make it up to me?” Jensen asked, voice still muffled by the pillow.

 

“Mmhmm,” Jared purred, his tongue darting out; the hard tip lightly caressing Jensen’s tan flesh.

 

There was a pause, Jensen obviously debating something in his mind; finally, he spoke, “Then turn out the light.”

 

Jared froze, and then cracked up, shaking his head. He turned out the light and carefully lay down on the bed, pulling up the blanket that Jensen had, at some point, lay across him. He flushed, hands caressing the blanket for a moment before Jensen pulled the pillow off his head and then pulled Jared against him lightly. 

 

Jared felt his breath hitch as Jensen rested his chin against the top of his shaggy haired head. It was something so intimate, and he could almost swear Jensen’s breath and heart stopped, like he wasn’t sure this was okay…

 

Jared reached across Jensen’s frozen frame and linked their hands, carefully moving them both back towards him, resting Jensen’s hand palm flat against his abdomen.

 

Jensen said nothing just about as loud as a person could, and Jared released his hand, cringing mentally as he waited.

 

Waited for what, he didn’t know… The other shoe to drop maybe. 

 

Jensen moved his hand, and Jared squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden burn of tears. But they soon flashed open. 

 

Jensen’s hand slid slowly, carefully, under Jared’s t-shirt.

 

Jared’s breath was ragged, Jensen’s echoing it in its harshness. 

 

“I can feel…” Jensen breathed in his ear, “I can feel _it_.”

 

Jared laid his hand on Jensen’s forearm, loving the feel of Jensen’s huge hand burning its memory into his flesh, the only chill on his flesh coming from the ring on his hand. 

 

“I can feel it, too,” Jared breathed. And he could. 

 

There was a hardness in his abdomen, unlike any other he’d ever felt and it seemed to grow with every passing day.

 

“No, but I…” Jensen breathed, “ _I_ can feel it…” He pulled in a watery breath. 

 

Jared closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotion, he could feel Jensen do the same. 

 

It really was incredible. “I dreamed we were having a girl,” Jared whispered. 

 

“Yeah?” Jensen whispered back. “Was she pretty?”

 

“I’m sure she was gorgeous,” Jared sighed, relaxing even further into Jensen’s arms.

 

“I’d like a girl,” Jensen mused. There was a pause, “Then, I know nothing about little girls, so I’d like a boy a lot, too.”

 

Jared smiled and lay there for a long time listening to Jensen’s slow and steady breaths. Man was beautiful, even when he was asleep, even when you couldn’t see him.


	16. Chapter 16

  
Author's notes: To **Magos186** because she's a freakin' goddess. I love her, and send her loads of Fun!Uddles because she deserves them and I am a dork. Magos, as you know, this entire fic is a triubte to you and the amazing impact that you've had on me and my life, it is for that that I write this for you. I only hope that you like it, for it was the only thing I could think of to do for you as a thank you because I am broke. ... Can't remember what else I wanted to say, so here is yet another chapter. :) Enjoy!

\-----

* * *

The rest of Jared’s bed rest week went of with out a hitch. Mikey had stayed with him, and Tom came over every night, or day depending, after wrap.

 

And things seemed to be going pretty well, in Jared opinion. 

 

Tom had actually served Jamie with divorce papers about a week after Mike talked his way out of his contract; he’d just kept it really quiet. Mike had been jubilant when he heard, but he did hide it remarkably well.

 

And Jared was doing better, too; he’d talked to Christian and explained the whole thing. Christian had said he’d come by as soon as possible and then he and Jensen had talked things out with only a few cloaked threats on Chris’s life. 

 

And he’d talked to Chad… And had the doctor talk to Chad.

 

And, finally, Chad accepted that Jared really was pregnant.

 

And that had been fun, Jared mused, smiling sweetly at his stomach. But what had been more fun was what had happened at the doctor’s office after…

 

_“Okay,” Dr. Cox said with a smile, hanging up the phone. “Now that I’ve gotten that call out of the way, I would like to do another ultra sound._

_“The way that the male body creates the safe haven for the baby doesn’t allow us to see the fetus until after the birth chamber is fully formed.”_

_“So, what were you looking at last week, doctor?” Jensen asked._

_“_ Jen _!” Jared hissed, blushing brightly._

_“What? I just want to know what’s going on.”_

_“No, no; it’s fine. Good, actually. The more questions you asked the more you know, and information is always good.”_

_“See,” Jensen whispered playfully, “She agrees with me.”_

_Jared laughed, more than a little embarrassed, “Hey, you’re the one that sounded like you were attacking her.”_

_“I was not attacking, I was asking…” he sighed, “I’m sorry, please continue.”_

_She shook her head, “It’s fine._

_“Basically, last week I was just checking the location of the birth chamber._

_“If it isn’t in a good location, it must be moved for the health and safety of the birth father, as well as the baby. Because of how quickly it needs to grow, there’s so much activity that there’s really no way to see the fetus._

_“But, now that the birth chamber has been created, we will have a nice clear look at the fetus.” She glanced at his chart and then back at Jared._

_“Now, because of you creating the birth chamber, I know that you’re about twenty weeks along,” Jared’s jaw dropped when he realized he was five months pregnant. Dr. Cox smiled, “That means that all the activity that was being created around the baby will be finished._

_“From this point on, the pregnancy will be like any other pregnancy…” She smiled, “If you like, we should have a clear enough view to tell you the baby’s gender?”_

_Jared looked at Jensen, and Jensen looked back. Almost in unison they shook their heads._

_“Just tell us if it’s healthy, doc; we’ll be more than happy with either.” Jensen murmured. Jared grinned agreeing. It was more fun this way, they could pick a boys name and a girls name._

_“If it’s a boy, I like Christopher,” Jared murmured, and Jensen flushed. “What, Jen? What’s wrong with Christopher?”_

_“Nothing… It’s stupid,” Jensen flushed a little darker._

_“What?” Jared asked quietly, still smiling slightly._

_“Christopher for a boy and Kathleen if it was a girl,” Jensen murmured, “I’ve always like those… Chris and Katie…” His cheeks burned bright red. “I’ve had them picked out since I got roped into playing house with one of Kenzie’s friends back in, like, middle school.”_

_Jared grinned, “Awesome. Christopher it is then.” Jensen kissed him lightly, and Jared practically melted into it._

_“I was wondering, Doctor,” Jared said as she readied the ultra sound machine, “I mean, if I’m five months pregnant, shouldn’t I be showing?”_

_“Well, you’re a very muscular man, Jared,” she blushed, “It hides the baby until about now, but you have noticed some growth haven’t you? It’s almost like you’ve gained weight, but it’s hard not flabby?” Jared nodded. “_ That’s _the baby.” Jared’s hand flew to it, shocked even though he shouldn’t have been._

_“It’s not surprising that you missed it, with Male Pregnancies as rare as they are, you wouldn’t really be able to find the information._

_“Essentially what happened last week was the finishing of the growth of the birth chamber as well as an accelerated fetal growth. The fetus stays about a month old in it’s growth until the birth chamber is completed and then grows to the correct age development. That’s why it’s as painful as it is. And,” she said, “This will be cold.”_

_Jared smiled, and lifted his shirt as well as pushing his boxers and jeans down below his baby bump._ Baby bump! _Oh, how he loved that thought._

_“Ready?” she asked, and Jared nodded, holding tightly onto Jensen’s hand._

_“Okay, here we go…” she squeezed the cold blue goop onto his stomach and rubbed until-_

_Jared gasped, looking at Jensen with shiny eyes. Jensen’s eyes went watery as well, the quiet sound of a racing heart filling their ears._

_“Is everything okay, Doctor?” Jensen asked, the sound not exactly like what they’d heard before. The doctor’s eyes were enormous as she stared at the screen they couldn’t see._

_“Yes, everything is…” She breathed again, “I know you didn’t want to know about the gender, but how about the_ amount _?” She paused, looking at them, and then turned the screen towards them, “Congratulations, you’re having twins!”_

 

“Still thinking about what happened at the doctor’s office?” Jensen asked, coming up behind Jared and wrapping his arms around him, taking care to splay his finger across the baby bump.

 

“Of course,” Jared murmured, closing his eyes and leaning into the embrace. “We’re having two babies, Jen, _two_ … How could I not be thinking about that?”

 

“And you’re still happy? Don’t wish it wasn’t happening?”

 

Jared turned to face the older man, smoothing the worry lines he saw there, “I’ll always be happy that this happened,” he murmured, and then kissed him deeply.


	17. Chapter 17

  
Author's notes: Dedications: To the Amazing **Magos186** for being the amazingly talented, strong and loving woman that she is. Fun!Uddles, sweets.

Author’s side note: This chapter in no way reflects my current mood as I am the happiest I’ve been in my life- Ever. The reason that I haven’t updated lately is because I’ve been so happy and I am now settling into the “angst” genre warning of this fic. Where ever you think this fic is going: You are wrong. Trust me. As I haven’t actually written it yet, I don’t know if this’ll be a set up chapter, or if I’m actually going to dip a toe in the angst ocean that will be this story arc.

\-----

* * *

They were supposed to be happy; they weren’t supposed to be half way done with the stupid wishing episode and have everything fall apart.

 

Jensen was supposed to understand that Chad was an idiot, but he was still Jared’s best friend. He was supposed to know that when Chad called him in the middle of the shoot to let his mouth flap around while he looked at a copy of the ultrasound meant that everything was back going back to normal; that Chad could finally understand.

 

Jensen wasn’t supposed to get angry about it, wasn’t supposed to be furious that Jared was talking to Chad again.

 

He wasn’t supposed to let Jared cry himself to sleep on the plane and then act like every thing was okay, just talk to all the fans and not tell them that he was pregnant. So he told them half truths, told them that Jensen lived downstairs and that he lived upstairs. 

 

But he couldn’t tell them that he was six and a half months pregnant with twins. Couldn’t tell them that Jensen was amazing when it came to helping out with cravings but off set the man spoke as few words to him as was possible. Even Mike and Tom spilt up when they came to visit. Tom would hang out with Jared and Mikey would hang with Jensen, or vice versa. Jared always felt guilty when he split up the two love birds.

 

Finally, he curled against Mikey’s shoulder and told him what he was feeling, told him how much he hated that with every word that Jensen spoke, he could feel the babies dance with joy. He told him how much he hated that Jensen had never felt them kick. He told him how much he wanted to tell the world, how much he wanted to tell Kripke, but Jensen hadn’t said a word about it so neither had he. Told Mike how happy his mother had been, and how sad she was with every day that passed that Jared didn’t give the phone to Jensen, how sad his mother was that she couldn’t yet call Donna and start planning a baby shower.

 

Finally, he told Mikey how much different he wanted everything to be, how much he was hurting, how he wished that he’d never gotten pregnant. And how every time that horrid, stomach churning thought came into his mind, he swore he could almost feel the babies stop moving.

 

And he slept. 

 

When Mikey wasn’t there, when Tommy wasn’t there to force him to remain vertical, he slept. Unconsciousness was the only answer. 

 

He was glad that they’d filmed the stupid sex scene between he and Ruby when they’d been working on the premier, because he knew that Sam’s shirts were going to keep getting baggier until they broke for an early hiatus so that he could give birth to two -hopefully- happy babies. 

 

And that was the only thing he was living for anymore.

 

He’d lost Jensen. 

 

He knew that. 

 

Somehow, Chad had caused him to lose his boyfriend, his lover, his babies father with just one phone call. And there was nothing Jared could do about it now. He’d tried begging, tried telling him that he could and would cut Chad out if that’s what he wanted, but Jensen just shook his head and walked away.

 

So here Jared was, waiting at the airport waiting for his ride home, listening to Jensen’s phone click over to voice mail for the 76th time that day. He didn’t bother leaving a message, he just wanted to hear the smile in Jen’s voice as he was asked to please leave a message.

 

Because every time he heard that smile, his babies squirmed in joy. And every time that they did, his will to survive was cemented that much more.

 

He looked up and settled into the car as soon as it arrived, pulling out his head phones and subtly pressing them to his baby bump as Jason Mann’s and Jensen started to sing and play.

 

The babies gave an excited quiver, but seemed almost to settle down to listen as Jared pulled his cap down and started to doze.

 

If Jared hadn’t smelled Jensen over the scent of airplane, if he hadn’t felt almost as if Jensen’s arms were still around him… Jared’s pretty sure he would have given up then and there. 

 

But he couldn’t help but want to burst with hope.

 

On top of his bag from EyeCon was his iPod. He carefully pushed himself off the bed and lifted his iPod. He curled back on the bed and separated the headphones once more, laying them on his baby bump once more.

 

He slid the hold off, and his breath hitched as the screen glowed back to life.

 

The song “Lullaby” by Jensen Ackles was the first of three new songs on a new play list on his iPod. He hit menu and couldn’t help but smile a little at the new “Baby” play list that Jensen had added to his iPod.

 

Jared lifted the head phones from his abdomen and pressed the phones into his ears. He listened to the lullaby and his acoustic version of Crazy Love but felt the tears he’d somehow been holding back spill down his cheeks as Jensen’s soft “Jared” was piped through the headphones.

 

“ _If you’re listening to this, it means that you finally woke up. Cliff called and asked me to help him get you inside, so I did. You wouldn’t let me go though, not until I stayed with you a while. … I never knew you talked in your sleep sometimes- Not that it matters now._ “ Jensen cleared his throat. 

 

“ _Anyway, since you and I aren’t really speaking… Well, I don’t want the kids to forget my voice, so I recorded these a bunch of songs for them and this message for you… I only put these two songs on because they were the ones that I figured were closest to Jason and I singing Crazy Love… Mike told me you played it for them so I thought…_

 

“ _I don’t really know what I thought… I just hope you remember what we agreed; that no matter what happened between_ us _I’d still have a relationship with my kids._

 

“ _Our kids. … So, anyway, I put the songs on here from my laptop and burned the mp3s onto a CD for them. The disks in your computer bag in the blue case._

 

“ _I didn’t label it… Didn’t really think I had to, so… Yeah. I guess that’s that. I’ll be downstairs if you need me, I guess, unless you see a note that says otherwise…_ “ he cleared his throat gruffly again and there was a long hesitating pause before he finished, “ _I hope the kids like it… See you whenever._ “

 

Jared swallowed a sob and smoothed a hand over his baby bump. The babies seemed a little too still, as if they knew that their Daddy was hurting and didn’t want to upset him anymore. 

 

“It’s okay, babies,” he murmured, tearfully. “Daddy’s okay…” He swallowed, hoping that they wouldn’t know he was lying somehow.


	18. Chapter 18

  
Author's notes: I considered leaving this AN out, but I love you all too much. All the knives with which you will want to stab me with at the end of this? All the torches and pitchforks? Don't... Don't use them yet. Trust me, you're going to want them later to maim me, not now; later.

Trust me.

And may I just ask, though I know I don't deserve the favor whenever you maim me... Please, don't hurt the head or the hands? I need them both to write. Anything else is fair game.

\-----

* * *

By the time they had finished shooting Wishful Thinking, Jared was about to lose his mind. 

 

Half way through I Know What You Did Last Summer, Jared pretty much gave up. He only had one hope left.

 

Beeson was at the end of his rope, telling them that they would just wrap early. By the time he turned around, Jensen had already disappeared. Jared hurried to his trailer, blinking back tears.

 

He pulled out his phone and dialed the only number he could think of to dial; the one person that would understand. “Look, I know that things have been rocky between us, but… 

 

“Look, I really need a hug right now… I really need to feel like someone cares and if I hug someone else, they’re going to wonder why I suddenly burst into tears and I don’t know what to say to that… So, please…”

 

“No,” Jensen whispered, pain fresh and clear across the line.

 

“Please, come. Just, please- Please come.”

 

Jared held his breath and then closed his eyes against the emotionally void, “I have to go, Jared.”

 

He held the phone against his ear for a long moment and then dropped it in surprise as there was a loud thump on his door.

 

The babies jumped, too, and Jared couldn’t swallow the hope that welled up in him. He hurried to the door and pulled it open…

 

Alas, his green eyed god was not to be had. “Beeson want’s to get a couple retakes of the Samahain fight; you up for it now, or do you want to go tomorrow?”

 

“Jensen still around?”

 

“Yeah, but he’s taking off; turning in wardrobe.”

 

“Okay,” Jared said, pushing past the PA, “I’ll meet Charlie in a sec.” He hurried to the wardrobe trailer, and caught Jensen as he was leaving.

 

“I’m going home, Jared,” Jensen said, his voice still eerily void of emotion.

 

“Jensen… _please_ ,” Jared pleaded in a whisper.

 

Jensen swerved around him, taking care not to touch him with any part of his person or clothing.

 

“Jen?” Jared choked out, looking at Jensen’s back. He waited for Jensen to turn, but he didn’t. “Stay out of my way at home, okay? Just… Stay out of the front hall and out of the upstairs, but stay home, okay? Tom and Mike are coming over later.”

 

Jensen nodded once, and without turning walked away.

 

Jared hurried into the wardrobe trailer and sank onto a chair there, shoulder’s shaking with silent sobs even as he begged the tears not to slide down his face.

 

As soon as he could get himself into a more calm mind frame, he changed into the correct outfit and hurried out to meet Charlie and watch as they called to have lights set up on the set and called Don back out.

 

Jared studied his script, to get back into the moment; they weren’t re-shooting any dialogue. 

 

He held his script way out in front of him as they touched up his make-up and compared spilled blood from the dailies to what, if any, needed to be on his face for the few retakes.

 

It would be simple, in and out hopefully; they needed a better shot of the knife being knocked from Jared’s hand and a different angle on when they were wailing on each other.

 

The knife shot was easy enough, and soon they were waiting for the quick movement of the lights.

 

Jared wanted to jump up and down a few times and hold up his fists, throwing a few punches into the air as if boxing an invisible opponent, but had enough pent up emotion that he really didn’t need to.

 

They ran through the mock fight once and then once more in front of the cameras and then Beeson called for quiet and the lights lit and so it began.

 

They through fake punches, running through the fight a few times until the feeling was right.

 

And Beeson just had to get that extra shot.

 

Not that Jared blamed him; it was generally better to have more to pick from than not enough shots to use.

 

Problem was, when Don threw his arm against Jared’s throat the last time… He accidentally rammed his arm against Jared’s stomach. _Hard._

 

Jared felt the pain spread immediately and did his best to keep going, but Beeson cut as soon as he saw the tear fall from his eye. Don carefully pulled his arm back, and Jared let his body slide to the floor, arms curled protectively across his abdomen. 

 

“You alright, man?” Don asked him, sinking to a crouch before him. Jared pulled in a breath through clenched teeth, but the pain grew anyway. “Haven’t you been hit harder than that before?”

 

Jared’s vision was swimming, white dots threatening to take his sight over.

 

He lifted his shirt and looked at his baby bump. There was a deep red splotch of blood spreading under his skin. “Fuck,” he cried, dropping his shirt again. “Dial the first number in my speed dial, tell Dr. Cox it’s an emergency; and get me an ambulance,” Jared commanded, trying not to pass out.

 

“For a stomach jam? We can take care of-”

 

“I’m pregnant!” Jared screamed, “Get me an ambulance!” The rage used to force those words out, nearly took it all out of him. He turned his head to the side quickly and threw up on a PA. He’d have to remember to apologize later.

 

A different PA pushed to the front and grabbed Jared’s cell phone, doing as he asked. 

 

“Hold on, babies,” Jared begged, choking on his breath, hands splayed over the bump.

 

“Any thing else we can do?”

 

Jared clenched his jaw and then met Beeson’s eyes. “Jensen… Get me Jensen…”

 

His world started to go dark just as the siren’s shut off next to set…


	19. Chapter 19

  
Author's notes: And now, I welcome you to beat the living hell out of me.

Seriously.

Feel free. I deserve it for this ::points down:: Read and you'll agree.

\-----

* * *

Jared couldn’t remember the ride to the hospital, his consciousness was hardly existent, and when it was there… It was clouded with pain. Pain to the point that he wanted to cry, vomit; hell, curl up and die. He signed the papers the nurse presented him with and he was hurried to an operating room.

 

He vaguely remembered thinking about wanting to tell them not to cut Sam’s shirt; he liked it and there weren’t many of them left, but the drugs had kicked in then and he just closed his eyes with a lingering thoughts that were simply: Pain. Babies? Jensen? 

 

And what had he signed?

 

He stared at the ceiling as he fought off what ever they’d put him under.

 

Something felt wrong- Very, very wrong. 

 

There was no pain, there was no Jensen either… But there was something else. Something more important.

 

He looked down at his stomach, he was dressed in a hospital gown and covered in a blanket…

 

Surgery. 

 

They’d needed him to sign for surgery, that’s what he’d signed… 

 

His eyes fluttered shut and he heard his breathing quicken, just before the heart monitor beeped loudly alerting the doctor that he was awake and freaking the hell out.

 

“Mr. Padalecki? Jared?” Doctor Cox rushed in, “I need you to calm down, please.”

 

Jared’s hands were laying on his stomach… His deflated stomach. He wept.

 

Dr. Cox bowed her head, a tear running down her cheek as she sank onto the chair next to the bed. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Jared… But you need to be strong for your baby, you can’t give up…”

 

The words barely made it through to him, but when they did, he gasped, “Baby?”

 

She nodded slowly, “I know that this is hard… You just lost a baby… But we were able to save one of the twins. It’s going to be a very risky pregnancy, and there is a very high chance that your baby will have to be born premature… But you’ve still got one, Jared… And you need to live for it, you need to be strong for it now more than ever.”

 

Jared nodded, and let the words wash over him. “I think I can do that,” he whispered. He knew he could, just so long as… “Jensen… Is Jensen here?”

 

Dr. Cox looked down, “No, Jared… I’m sorry, he hasn’t been reached yet.” Jared tried to keep the pain off his face, but couldn’t really. “There is someone else to see you- If you feel up for it?”

 

“Not really,” Jared said, with a forced smile that didn’t reach his eyes. He looked at the doorway, and felt his brow furrow.

 

“Um, you know what? Changed my mind, send him in.”

 

“Five minutes, tops,” she warned. “You need to rest.”

 

Jared nodded and a moment later, a very twitchy Christian Kane walked in.

 

“Hey, Chris. Long time, no see,” Jared murmured, as it was true. Chris hadn’t come by the house in… Wow, he couldn’t even remember now.

 

“Hey, Jared,” Chris cleared his throat, and his eyes looked every where but Jared.

 

“What’s up?” Jared asked, feeling something akin to panic building in his throat. When a man like Christian Kane couldn’t meet your eyes… Something _bad_ was comin’ ‘round the mountain. He looked at the object being twisted in Chris’s hands. “Chris…? Why do you have Jen’s cell? Is- Is he okay?”

 

“He’s fine,” Chris answered quickly. “I- He- I came on set earlier and he drove- And I- He forgot his phone- So I thought-”

 

“Chris?”

 

“Jen and I…” Chris set Jensen’s phone on the end of the bed near Jared’s feet, and then he just stared at it.

 

“Chris. You need to talk to me.” Jared could feel the fear welling up in him. This couldn’t be happening. 

 

He’d lost a baby today, something that he couldn‘t even fucking process yet, and still… He didn’t think he could deal with anything more right now.

 

Chris finally met his gaze, and then he opened his mouth to shatter whatever was left of Jared’s heart after the weeks without his Jensen and now _this_ loss…

 

Until the words hit him, Jared didn’t think that he could possibly hurt any more. He was wrong.

 

“Jen and I… I mean, Jensen and I… A while ago…” It sounded like Chris was in physical fucking pain, but he didn’t look away from Jared’s eyes, almost as if he couldn’t. “Chad was… And he was… Mad. So, I… I still thought you were just fucking with his head… And even if the pregnancy… Even if it were real… I thought…” He took a deep breath, and tore his gaze away, unable to look up from his shoes.

 

“I thought you couldn’t love him. Not the way he needed you to…” Chris paused, and Jared closed his eyes. No. He couldn’t hear this, this hadn’t happened. Jensen wouldn’t have… No.

 

“And I got him drunk, and… One thing led to another… We slept together. God, Jay, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Don’t call me Jay,” Jared murmured. 

 

“It wasn’t… He didn’t… I just… It was _never_ -”

 

“Christian? You slept with the only person I ever truly loved, while I was pregnant with his children… And you tell me this after I lose one of my babies?” Jared opened his eyes, letting loose a single tear. “I don’t know what I did to make you hate me that much, but whatever it was… 

 

“Clearly, I’m paying for it now.”

 

“Jared-”

 

“You need to leave. Now.” Jared could hear himself saying. Could feel his mouth moving… But other than that… He felt nothing.

 

He rolled onto his side, barely noticing the tremendous pain that ricocheted across his abdomen as he did so.

 

He closed his eyes, and slept. 

 

Like one of the babies he would never have.


	20. Chapter 20

  
Author's notes: Wow, with just one more review, this will be the most reviewed story on the site, ladies and gentlemen. That, in my opinion, is insane. I never thought this story would get so huge. For that I thank you. All of you have made that happen. I love you all so much.

Specially you, May. You are the reason that this fic was ever created. So all of the fans, me included, thank you for the epic awesomeness that is you and your constant excistance. Love you, sweets!

\-----

* * *

Jensen was in a panic, this couldn’t be happening. He could feel his hands shaking on the wheel of the tundra. 

 

Chris had shown up on set- Why the hell had he done that? And Jensen had booked. There was no way he was going to risk Chris and Jared talking. No way, no how. He’d walked down to Chris’s car and settled in the passenger’s seat, not letting him say a damn word until the doors were closed and locked. Even then, Chris seemed like he couldn’t speak. 

 

“I want to tell Jay what-”

 

“No.” Jensen interrupted. “No, Chris.”

 

“Jen, it was all my fault, but he should know-”

 

“Chris, I said no.” 

 

_Jensen couldn’t keep the smile off is face. Sure, he and Jared had been arguing for a few weeks about Chad, but that was mostly because he was a dick. He as in he himself. He just couldn’t get over the fact that Chad was such a douche bag and Jared was fine with it._

_“Well, Chad’s an idiot,” Jared sighed, “But that doesn’t mean that once he understood what was going on that he didn’t feel bad for it.”_

_“Not the point, Jared,” Jensen had shook his head. And it wasn’t. Chad had tried to make it seem like Jared and/or Jensen’s relationship was a big fucking joke or something. Hell, he’d even gotten Chris to believe that it was a joke. And that was what pissed him off more- his best fucking friend thinking that this was just a fucking joke._

_He shook his head. Today, it didn’t matter. Jared had said that he would cut Chad out of his life if that’s what was needed to make this work. And he shouldn’t have to do that, shouldn’t have had to offer to do that. Jensen knew that now. And by damn, he was going to make this better. He was going to go home and make this better, he would find a way._

_He pulled out his keys, climbing out of the truck. He opened the door and couldn’t help but smile as he heard Jared’s laughter echoing through the house._

_“Hey girl,” Jensen murmured as he knelt to scratch behind her ears. Jay’s dogs had taken an immediate liking to him that increased ten-fold when he moved in, but normally Harley was the one that he had to worry about when he got home, big damn dog jumping all the hell over him. “Where’s Harley?” he asked, and she looked at him with giant eyes. Almost as if apologizing…_

_He felt his brow furrow and he stood, taking a step towards the living room. Sadie gave a soft bark and then tugged on the back of his coat. “Sadie,” he was shocked, “Knock it off, girl.”_

_She gave a sad little growl, but released him. He took another step foreword, and saw why. Damn dog loved him more than he knew._

_Chad was on his damn couch. Laughing. With Jared._

_No. Nonononono. This was not how tonight was supposed to go._

_“Jen!” Jared cried in surprise, shoving off the couch._

_Jensen shook his head and backed away._

_“It’s not what it looks like!” Jared said, trying again to get off his couch._

_Jensen spun on his heal, and hurried to his Toyota. “Jensen, wait!” Chad called, grabbing Jensen’s shoulder as he pulled the door open._

_Jensen spun, and using the momentum of his turn, slammed his fist into Chad’s face. “Don’t touch what isn’t yours.”_

_He drove, no destination in mind, but the next thing he knew, he was at a bar. Just so happened to be the bar where Chris was doing a show._

_“I’ll be back after the break,” Chris said as soon as he saw him in the doorway._

_“I… Need you, man,” Jensen said, trying to erase the image of Chad’s hand on Jared’s knee. “I know things have been fucked up between us-”_

_“You let them get fucked up,” Chris said, but he said it with a smile so Jensen knew that he was just kidding, and he knew things were okay again…_

_Chris left then, didn’t tell anyone where he was going, or that he was even, and Jensen didn’t even notice until he was so pissed that he couldn’t stand straight._ How many damn beers _had_ he had exactly? __

_He was laughing hysterically at… Something, and then all of a sudden realized that he was crying._

_Fucking crying. Like a damn girl._

_“Make it stop hurting,” he begged. And Chris’s lips descended on his. He shoved him away, “What’re you doing?”_

_“Making the hurt stop.” Chris murmured, and kissed him again…_

_The next morning all he could remember was a haze… But it all came back in a snap as he realized the sheet that was tangled around his bare body was in Chris’s hotel room._

_Chris was passed out next to him with a blissed out smile on his face. He roughly shoved his supposed best friend’s shoulder, and Chris tumbled to the floor._

_“Jen? Wh-?”_

_“This never happened,” Jensen growled, voice low and dangerous. “And no one else is ever going to hear about it ever a-fucking-gain. Are we clear?” Chris nodded. “Good. Because a friend? Wouldn’t have done this, Christian. I don’t want to see you again. And_ if _I change my mind? I’ll call you.” Jensen stood on shaky hang-over legs. “Don’t expect that call, Kane.”_

 

And Jensen had remained true to his word. Never had he called him, never had he dialed the number and disconnected the call before it even started…

 

But the thing was, that night… The wedge that Chad had pushed between him and Jared… There was just no way that Jensen could talk to Jared now, there was no way that he could try and make things right now. Jensen hadn’t meant to let the break-up that Chad had implicated take hold. But there was no way that Jensen could just waltz into Jared’s arms again and not think about how he didn’t deserve the man…

 

He laid his head against the wheel as he stopped at a red light. Why had Chris shown up on set? Why had he shattered what was already broken? Would anything ever be whole again?


	21. Chapter 21

  
Author's notes: Is anyone shocked that May put this on the top of the review list with her post for last chapter? I'm not! lol. For you, chicadee.

\-----

* * *

Only when the honking broke through his thoughts did Jensen finally put his foot back on the gas.

 

Jared had fucking needed him today, and he’d been to distracted by Chris fucking blind-siding him to put all that shit aside and let Jared know that he meant something to him… To everyone…

 

_“That’s a wrap, guys,” Beeson said. And before the words were even fully formed, Jensen was gone. He hurried to his trailer and had just pulled on his own jeans when the door slammed open._

_“We have to talk.”_

_“No, Chris, we really fucking don’t,” Jensen said, hurrying into a shirt. There was absolutely nothing that Kane could say, that he could say that hadn’t been said that still needed to be said. Nothing._

_“I-”_

_Jensen shut Chris up with a wave of his hand and answered his cell. He shut his eyes against the crashing waves of pain that threatened to kill him as he heard Jared’s voice, “Look, I know that things have been rocky between us, but…” Jared cleared his throat, and Jensen felt his knuckles whiten on his phone. “Look, I really need a hug right now… I really need to feel like someone cares and if I hug someone else, they’re going to wonder why I suddenly burst into tears and I don’t know what to say to that… So, please…”_

_“No,” Jensen whispered, ignoring the bile that rose in his throat. ‘Jared?’ Chris mouthed, and Jensen nodded._

_Once, sharply._

_“Please, come. Just, please- Please come,” Jared pleaded._

_Chris opened his mouth, so Jensen uttered, “I have to go, Jared,” and hung up. “I’ll be right back, Kane. You be here and you don’t say a damn word to anyone, do you understand me?”_

_Chris nodded, so Jensen scooped up his costume and hurried it to the costume trailer. As he was leaving, he tried to act like Jared reaching out to him wasn’t like a punch to the gut. “I’m going home, Jared.”_

_“Jensen…_ please _,” Jared pleaded, tears threatening to tip down his cheeks._

_Jensen walked past him, giving Jared a wide berth. He couldn’t bear the thought of tainting the man he loved with any part of his person._

_“Jen?” Jensen froze._ Had Chris-? _“Stay out of my way at home, okay? Just… Stay out of the front hall and out of the upstairs, but stay home, okay? Tom and Mike are coming over later.”_

_Jensen nodded once, ignoring the tears caught in his throat. Jared deserved so much better than a man like him. He deserved someone who wouldn’t turn tail and run, who wouldn’t let Chad break them up, and then go make the biggest ****_fucking _mistake of his life-_

_Even his mind was mocking him, pun fucking intended._

_He groaned inwardly, because it was damn near impossible to act like nothing was wrong when Chris was in his fucking trailer._

_“Let’s go. Now,” Jensen said, pushing his trailer door open. “Your car, you drive.” He turned and heard the door close fully before Chris ripped it open again and hurried along behind him. They slipped into their seats respectively and Chris started driving._

_It almost seemed as if Chris wasn’t sure if he was allowed to talk yet, but when Jensen cast a look in his ex-best friend’s direction, he realized that whatever he wanted to say was clearly lodged in his throat._

_Finally, Chris opened his mouth, “I want to tell Jay what-”_

_“_ No _.” Jensen interrupted. “No, Chris.”_

_“Jen, it was all my fault, but he should know-” Chris tried again, after a moment._

_“Chris, I said no.” Jensen felt his hands curling into fists. There was no way that this was happening._

 

But it had happened. He’d had Chris drop him off at home, and hurried out, tossing another _Don’t you fucking even think about it_ over his shoulder and into the house.

 

The phone was ringing, but at this point especially, Jensen didn’t feel right answering the phone. 

 

He settled onto his bed and buried headphones in his ears, pillow over his head; he needed to escape…

 

When he awoke, it was to the sound of Sadie and Harley barking like crazy at the door. More specifically, the someone pounding on the door.

 

He rubbed bleary eyes and shuffled to the door.

 

“Mike, what the fuck-?”

 

“Dude! Why the fuck aren’t you answering your phone!?!” Mike rushed, not stepping in.

 

“I must have dropped it,” Jensen shrugged, meant fucking Chris had it. Fuckitall. 

 

“Why haven’t you answered the fucking house phone then, you dumb ass piece of shit!” Mike swore angrily.

 

“What the fuck, Mike!”

 

“Jared’s in the fucking hospital! Get your ass in gear!”

 

Jensen pushed passed Mike and dropped his keys three times before he managed to get into the car. Mike shouted an offer to drive him, but Jensen couldn’t bear to have someone else in control right now. 

 

Which is why he was here now.

 

Fina-fucking-ly at the hospital. His truck was at a forty-five degree angle and still running as he rushed into the hospital. Someone from set threw Jared’s room information at him and he slammed his thumb into the elevator call button. If the snap was anything to go by, he’d just broken it. But the elevator didn’t still didn’t seem like it was in any hurry so he turned and ran up the stairs instead.

 

“Dr. Cox!” he called, running towards her and she pointed at Jared’s room, knowing that he needed to see that Jared was alive, was okay.

 

But instead, he stopped dead. Christian was walking towards him from the room as Jared lay on his side.

 

“You told him,” Jensen uttered as he saw Chris’s face. “You fucking told him…”

 

“I’m sorry.” Chris said, but Jensen just shook his head. “You need to leave. _Now_.”

 

“I’m sorry, Jen… I’m so sorry.”

 

But Jensen couldn’t hear his feeble apology. He turned towards Dr. Cox. “What happened? Is he okay? Are the babies…?”

 

She shook her head a little, “I’m so sorry…”

 

His world exploded in pain as she explained that one of the twins had been lost… Oh, God, No… _Jared…_


	22. Chapter 22

  
Author's notes: I am officially a vile human person.

\-----

* * *

Jensen didn’t know how much longer he could take this… This.. Shell. This thing that used to be Jared.

 

It had started they day they’d lost “Baby Boy Padalecki-Ackles”. That’s right, it had been a boy. And Jared couldn’t even muster up enough within him to look at Jensen. To look at Dr. Cox. To name their lost child. 

 

It hurt so bad to see Jared there, staring at the small empty ground as their child that never was was laid to rest before he’d ever opened his eyes to the world. The entirety of Vancouver seemed to mourn with them, rain breaking as the casket, smaller than should be allowed, was lowered into the ground.

 

Around him, Jensen could feel the grief, sadness, and love reaching out to support him. Steve, Jason, Tom, Mike, his parents, Jared’s parents, their siblings, Eric; hell, almost all of the crew was there. But when it came to Jared…

 

Jared was impervious to it all. He couldn’t seem to feel anything around him, but he didn’t display any emotions either. 

 

When the moment of silence was called, Jensen looked at Jared, hoping to see a glimmer of something, but there was nothing. Jared didn’t meet his eyes, gaze trapped somewhere in the distance before he wandered away and climbed into the car, driving to god only knew where. 

 

Jensen found out as soon as he got home.

 

Nesting, it was a normal thing. That’s what people did when they were pregnant. 

 

But this was not nesting. Jared had pulled down the wall paper in the nursery. Angry stripes of glue stuck to the wall where he hadn’t scrubbed it off yet. The cute little bunnies and bears on the light green stripped paper that they’d chosen over many hours of debate torn and crumpled meaninglessly into trash bags in the corner of the room. The stickers that he and Jared had playfully stuck on the white shelves were scrapped off and hidden away.

 

But what hurt the most was seeing the cribs. There had been two, one picked by Jensen and one by Jared- They couldn’t agree on one design… The crib Jensen had picked had been carefully disassembled and put back into its box, as if it had never stood in the room. 

 

He remembered walking down the hall, his black shoes squeaking with rain with every step. Jared was curled on the bed, awake and staring at nothing.

 

Jensen gasped, Jared’s room was… Not his room anymore. 

 

The pictures that Jensen had taken of Vancouver and Jared had loved so much he’d had them blown up to frame and hang around his room were laying one atop the next in the corner. The adorable mess that simply was Jared, was completely gone, even his shoes lined up against the wall. The doors that had never once been closed over his television were firmly shut. The pictures of his family tucked away somewhere instead of across his dresser like they normally were. 

 

Jensen’s eyes watered with unshed tears as his eyes landed once again on Jared. Jared had taken off his black shirt and pants opting instead for a pair of worn sleeper pants, once black, now a faded charcoal; this stitches on his protrusive belly looked red and angry, but the skin appeared to be knitting itself together again. 

 

“Jared,” Jensen murmured, so much pain in that one broken word.

 

Jared looked at him, but didn’t really seem to see him.

 

Jensen hurried to the bed, kneeling beside it, “God, Jay…”

 

Jared looked at him for just a moment, his eyes still blank and unseeing. Jared had always had a light within him, something so bright that Jensen had thought that nothing could put it out.

 

But he was wrong. There was something that could put that light out, because Jensen had.

 

“God, Jay… I am so sorry,” Jensen whispered, tears burning track down his cheeks. “You didn’t deserve this, you shouldn’t have to deal with this. And you don’t have to deal with it alone.

 

“I know you don’t trust me, and I wanted to tell you… But I couldn’t.” Jared blinked. “It was after we broke up, after Chad broke us up… And I came home, I was gonna make things better… And he was there, and I snapped. 

 

“I got drunk and I don’t even know what happened-”

 

“You slept with Christian,” Jared supplied, his voice hollow, his face blank.

 

“But I didn’t mean to, and I didn’t mean for you to find out like this. I wanted to tell you but the longer I waited the more I knew I couldn’t tell you, couldn’t hurt you like that… And it just kept building… And I know I don’t have any excuse-”

 

“You said yourself we were broken up,” Jared said, his voice still empty. “You didn’t owe me anything, you still don’t.”

 

“Jar-”

 

“I promised that your relationship to your child wasn’t in danger, Jensen. I will stand by that, don’t worry. You can go now.”

 

Jensen felt the words like a punch, “You think that’s the only reason I’m here?”

 

“You think it’s not?” Jared asked blankly.

 

Jensen shook his head, slowly standing. Jared’s eyes never left the random spot on the wall across from him. Jensen slowly backed out of the room.

 

That had been weeks ago and nothing had changed. Even on set Jared was just the picture of who he used to be, no longer the animated man he’d once been. But Sam was still played to a perfect T.

 

“It wasn’t four months, you know,” Jensen heard himself say. He could hear himself running dialogue as he leaned against the Impala, but he was to far into his own head, he could feel his mouth moving, but the words he spoke… 

 

They weren’t related to the feelings he was expressing.

 

He could feel Sam behind, him not Jared. Not the man that he loved, but Sam. He felt the first tear spill over, the words ringing in his ears _rippin’ him apart_ so much truer than he dared to feel. He couldn’t bear to feel the pain that he’d caused Jared… Couldn’t… 

 

Jensen grit back the desperate sob crawling up his throat, and wiped his tears away. “How I feel… This _inside_ me… I wish I couldn’t feel anything, Sammy,” Jensen shook his head, “I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing…” He pulled in a shaky breath and bit his lip against another sob.

 

The script called for Sam to hug Dean then, and Jensen longed to have Jared’s arms around him…

 

But the touch never came. Jensen wished he was surprised by that… But he just screwed his eyes shut against another onslaught of tears as Jared walked away after cut was called.


	23. Chapter 23

Sam walked off set, not becoming Jared again until he curled onto the couch. He lay on his side, one hand under his head, the other arm curled around his belly. And he stared at his knees, waiting until he felt like he could stand again…

 

He jolted a little when there was a dull thudding on the door. Genevieve bounded over to him, “Jared, geeze what’re you doing, we need you in make-up… Are you still…?” Her voice dropped to a whisper, “Did you stay here all night?” She sank onto the couch between Jared’s curled legs, the small of her back against his shoes. He turned to look at her, and she gasped a little, “Oh, sweetie…”

 

He felt the question form in his mind, but before he could remember how to make himself ask a question, she reached down with a gentle hand and wiped a thumb over his cheek.

 

It was then that he felt the burn of tears on his flesh. He looked at her blankly, and rolled onto his back. She held out her arms and he settled into them, curling onto himself, arms across his stomach as his head laid on her chest. She murmured soothing sounds, and rubbed gentle circles on his spine as she hugged him close. 

 

He finally let himself cy. 

 

Well, actually he _didn’t_. 

 

He hadn’t even known he’d spent the night in his trailer, hadn’t known he’d been crying… But he probably had been the whole night… But now that he was, he couldn’t seem to stop- It just felt too good.

 

“God, Eve…” He gasped her name out, reaching out to clutch her thin waist like a drowning man would a life preserver. She only let him call her Eve, something he’d started doing when calling her Gen and Genny hurt to much, felt to much like the name he’d uttered to his best friend…

 

“It hurts… It hurts so much,” he whimpered, and her arms wrapped around his head, hands carding through his hair as she murmured, “I know, sweetie… It’s okay… You’re allowed to hurt right now… It’s okay…”

 

There was a loud thunk as his trailer door opened and slammed against the wall, “Jared? Are you okay?” He heard the thumping of heavy footfalls. “What the _fuck_ is going on here?”

 

Jared turned to see Jensen looming over them. 

 

“Jay?” Jensen froze at the site of Jared’s tears, but Jared was already turning away, already pulling away from Genevieve, already rolling back onto his side, already pushing the tears down and away.

 

“Jared, sweetie, I’ll be _right_ back,” Eve patted his arm sweetly, and then stood. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

 

“I was worried about J-” Jensen said, and Genevieve stepped between him and the couch. “You don’t get to worry about him, Jensen.”

 

“The fuck I don’t!”

 

“You’re the one that broke him! You don’t get to worry about him anymore!”

 

“I didn’t mean to break-”

 

“You slept with Chris,” Genevieve hissed, tossing a look over her shoulder at Jared, but Jared wasn’t there anymore. He was just… _there_ , existing once more. 

 

Jensen fell a step back, “How did…”

 

“Kane wasn’t too quiet when he made his little confession. Eric and I were in the hall along with Kim and Charlie… How the hell could you do that?”

 

Jensen flinched, “You don’t know the whole story-” Genevieve shook her head, but Jensen continued anyway, “We were broken up, Gen. I swear, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”

 

“No shit, Sherlock,” she hissed angrily, pushing his away when he moved to step closer to Jared again. “And you don’t get to use my nick name- Fuck, you can call me Ms. Cortese for how much I like you right now.”

 

“Genevieve-” Jensen tried again, “Please… Let me talk to him-”

 

“No.” She said sharply, not letting the fact that he nearly a foot taller than her stop her from blocking his way. “And if you don’t get the _fuck_ out of here? I’m going to find one of those knives you throw in your trailer and make you a lot less pretty, do you understand me?”

 

Jensen didn’t move, and Jared could feel the burn of Jensen’s gaze on his back. 

 

“Jensen, I don’t need to find a knife to kick you in the balls,” she hissed, leaning up and taking his attention back, “Stop tempting me.”

 

“Get out,” Jared croaked, not turning. 

 

“See? Jared wants-”

 

“ _Both_ of you,” he finished weakly. “Just… Go.”

 

Genevieve flinched, and let Jensen walk out first. Jensen slammed the door so hard that it bounced back open, and when she reached it, Jared lifted a hand. “Stay?” He looked at her, eyes empty.

 

She looked at him, and nodded, locking the door behind Jensen as Jared rolled over on the couch, his back pressed into the back of the couch. “Even… Even if I don’t say anything… Will you stay?” Genevieve’s face softened, “As long as you need me to.”

 

“Thank you,” he murmured, meaning it. “I just… I need a few minutes to… Get up, get ready…”

 

“What do you mean?” She shifted on the couch next to him as he sat up, “Um, Eve? Work?” he gestured to the trailer, “We’re kinda on set, not like I can say I’m home sick.”

 

“Jared, you can stay here as long as you want, I’m sure of it. Eric’s just as worried as the rest of us about you.” Jared nodded, not hearing or believing the words. He stood, and Genevieve stepped in front of him, “Jared, I swear to God if you don’t sit your ass down-”

 

“You’ll what?” Jared loomed over her, a full foot taller, “I will pick you up and forcefully move you out of my way if I have to.” She opened her mouth to speak, and Jared shook his head, “Eve, please… I have to-”

 

“Jared-” Jared wrapped his arms around Genevieve’s elbows and pressed them into her waist as he lifted her into the air, turning his upper body and setting her back down. He ignored her squeak of indignation and walked to the door. “I have to distract myself, Eve,” he muttered, pulling the door open. 

 

Her face softened again, and she tugged his arm. He looked down, and she pulled him down, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Okay… We can talk later if you want to.”

 

Jared nodded, his cheeks burning. He lifted a hand to the skin she’d touched her lips to. It was the closest anyone had dared touch him in a long time. He looked up to see Jensen gaping at him, the coffee by his feet clearly having just been dropped there.

 

Genevieve kicked Jensen’s shin hard as she walked past, flipping her hair over her shoulder. 

 

It took Jared a long moment to realize while he watched Jensen limp away that the strange feeling on his face was a smile.


	24. Chapter 24

  
Author's notes: 100 reviews?! Are you kidding me?!! Y'all are awesome! I love you all! Magos, you especially, know how much ya mean to me.

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Jensen was shaking as he hit the call button three times on his cell phone.

 

“Jensen, you have to stop calling me, man-”

 

“You owe me, you fucking owe me,” Jensen growled, bending like a jack-knife to rub his now throbbing shin.

 

There was a long pause and then a sigh, “What happened?”

 

“I want to hate her, that little bitch, fucking kicked me, but I can’t.”

 

“I’m sorry who? And why can’t you hate her even though you want to?”

 

Jensen half sank, half fell into his seat, hot anguished tears pricking at his eye lids, “Because she fucking made Jared smile.” There was an epicly long pause, “Yeah, _that’s_ why I can’t hate her.”

 

Later that night, Jared called Mike and Tom, so they came over, and since Jared had stayed to talk to _Genevieve_ Jensen had to let them in. Which would have been fine, he wouldn’t have minded-

 

But then Tom gave him that look, you know the one, the one that makes you want to lash out and punch something?

 

Jensen picked up the bottle of Jack he’d set on the table and light a cigarette. “Fuck you,” he said quietly when Mikey threw him a disgusted look, “I’m dealing with some shit and you have no room to talk.”

 

Mikey sighed, but Jen counted it as a win when he didn’t say anything. 

 

Of course, that didn’t stop Tom. 

 

And while he might not have said anything about Jensen smoking again for the first time in years, or drinking in the house where he hadn’t allowed alcohol into for months… Just because he didn’t mention those, didn’t mean that he didn’t lay into him.

 

“I hear you freaked the shit out of Jared today,” Tom growled, “What the fuck was that?”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jensen took a long drag, squinting as the smoke curled into his eyes. “I went to see if he was okay, and got kicked in the shin for my efforts.”

 

Tom continued to rail at him, and Jensen sat there, just drinking and chain smoking like a fiend.

 

Until Tom said, “And you know what? You should probably move the fuck out- I’m sure _Chris_ would take you in.”

 

“Fuck you!” Jensen shouted, “You know nothing about that- NOTHING! Chad had broken us up, he knew that, I knew that, I thought Jared knew that! I came home to make things better with Jared and fucking Chad was here. Had his stupid fucking hand on Jared’s knee and I fucking snapped, I had to get out of here- 

 

“Jared knew that I couldn’t talk to Chad, couldn’t see him, not then- And certainly not like that!” Jensen was shouting now, not caring who heard, even if it was some crazed stalker- Hell, if a nut job heard him, might make him think, ‘ _Hey, not such a good idea to knab that Ackles guy- Clearly, he’s insane!_ ’

 

“So I went to Chris, okay? Because you and Mikey had just gotten back together and I didn’t want you two in the middle of it because you’re both of our friends, and fucking hell, because he’s supposed to be my BEST FUCKING FRIEND!” Jensen’s breathing was low and ragged as he stood, smoldering cigarette in a half empty beer can ashtray, “And he got me trashed, like anyone fucking would have…

 

“I don’t even rememeber sleeping with him, all I can remember is coming home, and fucking Jared’s on the couch passed out cold holding his cell and the house phone because he was worried out of his damn mind!

 

“I remember standing there and realizing that I’d just fucked up the best thing in my life and that there was no way to make it better, and there was no fucking way to tell him with out breaking his fucking heart, too.

 

“So I didn’t fucking tell him, I kept fucking waiting for there to be a time when it seemed okay to tell him… 

 

“But there never fucking was! 

 

“So I didn’t fucking say anything! I just pulled away, I didn’t deserve him, not after that…” Jensen pulled in a sharp breath.

 

“And now this? All this bull shit?” Jensen’s hand tightened on the bottle neck. “Doesn’t anyone understand that I’m hurting to? That I can’t grieve for my son because I’m too fucking worried about Jared?

 

“Don’t you understand that I’m scared shitless that I’m going to lose him forever? I can stand him not talking to me, but he can’t leave, not now, not like this,” Jensen shook his head. “Doesn’t anyone see that I’m just as afraid of losing him as you are? Of losing my other child?

 

“I know I’m a bastard for hurting Jared, I know that; I know I don’t deserve any sympathy for that, but it was my son too… It was my son, too,” Jensen heard his voice crack, and for the first time, he realized that he really hadn’t cried, not yet. 

 

He couldn’t, actually physically could not cry yet; not until he knew Jared would be okay.

 

He felt his shoulders practically vibrating with tension; anger, sadness, disgust, fucking fury, and loneliness. He’d never felt this alone before in his life.

 

He felt his muscles bunch and the glass shatter before he’d even realized that he’d thrown the half empty bottle of Jack and thrown it at the mirror.

 

The bottle was broken, spilling its contents and seeping into the carpet; the mirror was now jagged and a lost cause, the sound sending the dogs flying to the safety of the basement.

 

Jensen pulled in a shaky breath, looking around the room; Mike’s eyes wide, tearful and guilty, Tommy’s filled with guilt and the deepest sadness he’d seen away from Jared and his own…

 

He stopped dead. His heart gave a weak flutter, and sputtered to a halt, his lungs simply refusing to fill with air.

 

And then Jared nodded once, a tear slipping down his cheek as he held out his arms to Jensen.

 

And Jensen shook his head, he couldn’t taint him with his touch, no, he couldn’t. Nope, nopers, no.

 

Jared nodded and stepped foreword, “Jen, please? For me?”

 

Jensen shattered at Jared’s touch.

 

As their arms came around each other for the first time in months, they both did.

 

Huge frame wracking sobs shook them to their core as they tried, in vain, to hold one another together. But it was okay, Jensen realized, because it meant that there was still a chance… Still a Jared there to love…


	25. Chapter 25

Jensen’s not quite sure how the four of them ended up in bed together, but they did. 

 

Another, possibly disturbing question, was how the _fuck_ did all four of them fit on Jensen’s bed?

 

Mikey, Tommy, and Jensen? None of them were small. But add a pregnant Jared to that? Seriously, they might be defying the laws of physics with that. Honest to god…

 

And even more rare, was the fact that Jensen slept. 

 

Actually slept. 

 

And when he woke up? He laughed.

 

Mikey… Well, there are just no words to describe how, shall we say, _interesting_ Michael Owen Rosenbaum really is.

 

The first time he woke up, he was on his back, Jared half on top of him sleeping away, and Mikey was telling Tom about, “This one time? I gave a woman $580.00 to stop talking to me.” Mike saw that Jensen was awake when Jensen gaped at him, “And I’m not even kidding.” Jensen cracked up, not caring if he woke Jared up, because seriously- What the fuck? “In my defense,” Mike continued, as if trying to argue his point, “I _was_ high.” He flushed a deep red, and finished the story in a quiet voice, “When I agreed to it, not when I wrote the check…”

 

Jensen’s pretty sure he laughed himself to sleep.

 

Jensen was only half awake when he heard Jared’s little interlude, “Sometimes when I used to read all that Latin to exorcize a demon… I used to just want to go, ‘Latin, Latin, Latin, Latin, Fucker! Latin.’ and see if any one noticed…

 

“I think Jensen said something about a donkey once when he couldn’t remember all the words…”

 

“It was donkey kicker,” Jensen heard him self murmur, “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus   
omnis satanica potestas, omnis donkey kicker… Shit bags, what’s the line?” Jensen yawned, feeling himself falling deeper into sleep, “That’s what… I …sai…” 

 

Jensen later wondered how he could remember that after all these months and not have been able to remember the actual lines.

 

He had a dream that night, though, in one of the moments that wasn’t interrupted by being awake.

 

He and Jared were at a park…

 

_“Jen, babe,” Jared called, “Can you bring me a juice box? I think Chris wants some juice, don’tcha bud?”_

_“Yeah!”_

_Jensen turned in time to see his son jump off the swing and sprint towards him._

_“Hey, you be careful!” Jared called, hurrying over._

_Chris slid to a stop, “I know, daddy!” he said, an eye-roll evident in his voice, “I don’t want to hurt Phil.” He reached over and laid a careful hand on Jensen’s stomach. “I have to look out for him.”_

_Jensen could feel the baby kick under his son’s hand._

_He could also feel the grin on his face as it did, “Katie; come here, sweetie, Phil’s kicking.”_

_Katie scuttled over from her coloring book; somehow, that little girl was more artistic than him and Jared put together. Jensen guided her hand to the movement, and her face…_

_She looked at him in such wonderment, it brought tears to his eyes. Tears, that even in his dream, he was going to blame on something in his eye, but Jared didn’t call him on it._

_Just laid a loving, yet chaste -for them anyway- kiss on his lips._

_Jensen’s spine may have melted. At least a little._

_Jared had this way of putting one hand on his neck, the palm hot and dry as it curved under his ear, his thumb caressing his cheek, the other hand gripping his hip just this side of painful…_

_It made him feel loved and desired and so many other emotions…_

_He nipped Jared’s lower lip when he pulled back, “Love you, so much… There are no words to express the amount of how much I love you…”_

_“Right back atcha, babe,” Jared murmured back, dropping a kiss on Jensen’s nose. “Now who wants juice?”_

 

Jensen woke with a start, realizing that he had a smile on his face.

 

“He’s smiling,” Mike stage-whispered to Tom.

 

“Yes,” Tom pretended to whisper back, “Yes, he is.”

 

“Is that allowed?” Mike whispered back, eyes comically wide.

 

“I think it’s more than allowed, it may even be encouraged,” Jared said, turning his head to look at Jensen. “Good morning.”

 

“Morning,” Jensen felt his cheeks burn as he realized he all but purred out his greeting. 

 

Mike started laughing, and Jensen hid his burning cheeks in Jared’s neck. “Dude, the suns going to go down soon; it’s far from morning!”

 

Jensen sat bolt upright, “Fuck! Why didn’t you wake us?! We had work!”

 

“Shaadup,” Mike said, rolling his eyes. 

 

Tom elbowed him sharply, “Don’t be a jerk, Michael. 

 

“Eric called and asked where you were, I told him that you and Jared finally started to talk to each other again and he said, and I quote, ‘Back together? Fuck the shooting schedule! We can break for hiatus if they need it! Tell them not to bother coming in tomorrow either, the network can deal with it!’ and then hung up.” Tom glanced from Jensen to Jared, “He might be a little happy that you two are working it out.”

 

“The crew, too,” Mike reminded him, Jensen quirked a brow, “When Kripke said ‘back together’ the crew may have cheered.”

 

“Oh, no they didn’t,” Jensen’s cheeks burned. 

 

“I can neither confirm nor deny the allegations,” Tom said, when Jensen’s eyes met his.

 

The air was literally lighter as the four-some goofed around with each other as they slowly woke up.

 

And then Jensen’s phone rang.


	26. Chapter 26

  
Author's notes: Ask and ye shall recieve...

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* * *

Jared’s not quite sure how the four of them ended up in bed together, but they did. 

 

Another, possibly disturbing question, was how the fuck did all four of them fit on the guest bed?

 

Seriously, they might be defying the laws of physics; honest to god…

 

And even more rare, was the fact that Jared slept. 

 

And when he woke up? He laughed. _Actually_ laughed. 

 

Mikey… Well, there are just no words to describe how, shall we say, interesting Michael Owen Rosenbaum really is.

 

The first time he woke up, he was on his side, curled around Jensen- More like half on top of him really, and he didn’t mind; but well, Jensen might be having trouble breathing.

 

He rolled onto his back slowly so that he wouldn’t jostle Jen any more and glanced at Mike. 

 

Tom was asleep his body curled around the back of Mike, and Mike was running a hand absently over Tom’s forearm.

 

Mike smiled at him and Jared smirked, gesturing at Mike’s absent minded caress. 

 

Mike rolled his eyes, and Jared chuckled. “What?” Mike hissed quietly. 

 

“Eye roll? Really? Are you a teenaged girl or something?”

 

“I think I was born with that knowledge. I came out of the womb with it. It was like smack the baby-” Mike rolled his eyes hugely, “ _Oh come on._ ”

 

Jared’s chuckling seemed to awaken Tom, and he looked all sleepy and Jared felt like he’d jus kicked one of his puppies. “Aw, go back to sleep, Tommy,” he whispered, “Mikey’ll watch over you.”

 

“Aren’t you the one that needs watching?”

 

“Please,” Jared scoffed as Tom smirked, “You’re ratings have plummeted since the sexy one left the show.”

 

“Oh, SNAP!” Mike half crowed, a hand covering his “O” mouth.

 

Tom kissed the top of Mike’s head and Jared smirk softened to a smile.

 

“I think the reason we’re losing viewers is because of the fact that we’re so close to the comics now… No one’s really interested in that… Plus, the freakin’ lines… They get so old and redundant.”

 

Jared giggled, “At least you don‘t have to read latin all the time… Although, I don‘t really have to anymore, so I win… Sometimes when I used to read all that Latin to exorcize a demon… I used to just want to go, ‘Latin, Latin, Latin, Latin, Fucker! Latin.’ and see if any one noticed…

 

“I think Jensen said something about a donkey once when he couldn’t remember all the words…”

 

“It was donkey kicker,” Jared heard him murmur, clearly half-asleep, “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis donkey kicker… Shit bags, what’s the line? That’s what… I …sai…” Jared giggled as Jensen fell back asleep before he could even finish his story.

 

Jared knew that later he would have to remind himself to as Jensen how he could remember that after all these months and not have been able to remember the actual lines.

 

He dozed off again, pulling Jensen’s arm around him, waking a few hours later to Mike’s, “Alas, uber giant pancakes were not to be had.”

 

Jared shook his head and laughed, glancing at the clock, and staring at him. Clearly it was… “Fuck, we had work?!”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Mike said with a smile, and Tom nodded, “It’s cool, man; I let Kripke know what was up and he gave you a day.”

 

“So what’ll you guys be working on when you get back?”

 

Jared told them about it -Mike and Tom were total spoiler whores, and then Mike blinked. “So, it’s a twist, but not? It’s like… Twang. It’s got twang.”

 

“It’s got itself a little twang,” Jared agreed. And then stilled as Mike shook his head and then stared at Jensen.

 

“He’s smiling,” Mike stage-whispered to Tom.

 

“Yes,” Tom pretended to whisper back, “Yes, he is.”

 

“Is that allowed?” Mike whispered back, eyes comically wide.

 

“I think it’s more than allowed, it may even be encouraged,” Jared said, turning his head to look at Jensen. “Good morning.”

 

“Morning,” Jared's breath hitched at Jensen's purr, and had to fight back the urge to giggle when he saw him blush. 

 

Mike started laughing, and Jensen hid his burning cheeks in Jared’s neck; Jared, of course, supported that action whole-heartedly and wrapped a loose hand around Jensen's hot neck. “Dude, the suns going to go down soon; it’s far from morning!”

 

Jensen sat bolt upright,launching Jared's hand bac to the bed, “Fuck! Why didn’t you wake us?! We had work!”

 

“Shaadup,” Mike said, rolling his eyes. 

 

Tom elbowed him sharply, “Don’t be a jerk, Michael. 

 

“Eric called and asked where you were, I told him that you and Jared finally started to talk to each other again and he said, and I quote, ‘Back together? Fuck the shooting schedule! We can break for hiatus if they need it! Tell them not to bother coming in tomorrow either, the network can deal with it!’ and then hung up.” Tom glanced from Jensen to Jared, “He might be a little happy that you two are working it out.”

 

“The crew, too,” Mike reminded Tom, Jensen quirked a brow, “When Kripke said ‘back together’ the crew may have cheered.”

 

“Oh, no they didn’t,” Jared had to once again bite his lip in effort not to tease Jensen about his blush.

 

“I can neither confirm nor deny the allegations,” Tom said, when Jensen’s eyes met his.

 

The air was literally lighter as the four-some goofed around with each other as they slowly woke up.

 

And then Jensen’s phone rang.


	27. Chapter 27

  
Author's notes: Enter the ominousness...

\-----

* * *

Jared was practically vibrating with whatever emotion he was currently experiencing.

 

_“Chad? Fucking CHAD, Jensen?” Jared screamed, blood rushing to his face. “After all this? After all he’s done? What the hell is he doing calling you?”_

_Jensen practically squirmed off the bed. “He… Might be helping me out?” he bowed his head._

_“WHAT?!” Jared screeched…_

 

Jensen was just waiting for the migraine to come on. He’d given up on calling Jared out of the bathroom at least fifteen minutes ago, and was no sitting across from the door on the off chance that he’d actually come out.

 

_“What the hell do you mean, ‘helping you out’?” Jared hollered. “What the hell does that even mean?”_

_“It means I had no one else to talk to, Damnit, and I needed someone!” Jensen realized that it probably wasn’t the best idea to yell back at Jared, but fuck he was getting irritated now._

_“What about Josh? Or Jeff? Or Eric?” Jared growled, “What about anyone but him?”_

 

Jared groaned, letting his head fall back against the cupboard under the sink. He also realized, now, that it was going to take him about twelve years to stand back up again. 

 

He also realized that he may have been a little teensy bit harsh… 

 

_“I didn’t think, Jay! I just called him, okay?” Jensen asked, rolling off the bed and standing up._

_“No! It’s not okay! After what he did? After what he said? How the hell could you let him back in to your life? Our lives?”_

_“Well, until yesterday, it wasn’t_ our _life, Jared!” Jensen snapped, “It was my life and your existence!”_ “

 

Jensen grimaced as he remembered Jared’s flinch at those words… 

 

Maybe he’d been a little harsh?

 

_“That’s not fair,” Jared shook his head. “That’s not fair,” he muttered again as he attempted to get off the bed. “And more over, I can’t believe you answered it.”_

_“Well, what was I supposed to do? Ignore it?”_

 

Jared gritted his teeth. 

 

No.

 

No, he wasn’t being unnecessarily harsh. He was just the right amount of harsh.

 

Perhaps not harsh enough…

 

_“Yes! You’re supposed to ignore him!” Jared agreed, even though Jensen had spoken the possibility as if it were completely insane._

_Jensen scoffed, “I can’t do that.”_

_“Why the hell not?”_

_“Because he was the only one that was there for me when we lost our son, the only fucking one, Jared.”_

 

Jensen groaned and slammed his head back onto the wall against the tears. 

 

Maybe he could have picked better words? Aw, fuck it, he was sure that he could have, but Jared could have, too…

 

_“Why the fuck did you turn to him, though?” Jared asked, blowing right past the fact that Jensen acknowledged their son. “Of every-fucking-one that you know, why him?”_

_“Because- Damnit, Jay! Because he was the only one that treated me like I was half way human when the Chris story started making the rounds.” Jared looked at him. “I guess he understood,” Jensen murmured, “Not that the situations were the same, but he understood.”_

 

Jared rammed his palms into his eyes, slamming the tears back into his skull.

 

_“No,” Jared shook his head, “No, no, no, no,_ NO _! It’s not the same thing at all, Jensen, is that how you really see it?”_

_“How I see what? I fucked up, Jared, I know that.” Jensen shoved his hand through his hair, “When I fucked Chris, I fucked up; I fucked everything else. Chad knows what that feels like.”_

_“You and Chad aren’t the same person, Jensen, what you and he did aren’t the same.” Jared turned away, an effort to mask the hurt in his eyes, “You and I were broken up, Jen; Chad and Sophia weren’t.”_

_“You didn’t believe that we were broken up, Jay; I didn’t know that, but you didn’t, that makes it exactly the same.”_

_“No, it doesn’t!” Jared shouted, turning back to Jensen his eyes blazing._

 

Jensen shifted, sliding down the wall until his side was against the floor. He curled an arm under his head to pillow it, and squeezed his eyes shut.

 

_How do you figure? How is it not the same?” Jensen bowed his head, ignoring the hot flood of tears that raced to his eyes. “It’s exactly the same.”_

_“Do you love me? Did you then?” Jared asked._

_“What? Yes!”_

_“Then it’s not the same.”_

_“Yes, it-”_

_“Jensen, please, just let me hold on to the fact that you love me and you know you fucked up. Please, just please let me have that,” Jared begged, and swore hurrying towards the bathroom. He ignored Mike’s loose hand on his arm offering comfort with a shake of his head and a murmur._

 

Jared’s breath hitched and he kept his eyes screwed shut against the tears but they still managed to pour down his cheeks. He ignored the time it took to stand back up and unlocked the door. 

 

He sucked in a shuddering breath and held it and the fresh onslaught of tears that were brought on by the sight of Jensen asleep on the floor across from the bathroom. He slowly lowered himself down and curled his arm, mimicking the pillow that Jensen had made, and pulled Jensen’s other arm across his abdomen, laying their palms flat against the baby bump.

 

Jensen snuffled sleepily in his ear as Jared cried himself slowly to sleep.


	28. Chapter 28

  
Author's notes: I may deserve to be poked in the eye fo the Harry Potter refrence, but I couldn't leave it out. Whenever I thought of this scene, my head screamed it. Please forgive me for it.

\------

* * *

Jared woke up feeling stared at. And that was because he, well, _was_. “Morning,” he said gruffly, lifting a hand to rub at scratchy eyes.

 

“Morning,” Jensen murmured back, seeming almost afraid to raise his voice any higher.

 

Jared looked at him. For the first time in months, Jared finally looked at Jensen; really looked at him.

 

And he was stilled by what he saw.

 

The heart break in the green gold eyes, the soft glow of hope buried deep within them. 

 

The worry lines that hadn’t been on his forehead before.

 

The creases deeper around the eyes that could show you every feeling in the world if they wanted to.

 

His lips pressed together, a thin chapped crack running on the left side. 

 

Jared felt his cheeks lift as his lips curved into a slight smile. He lifted a giant paw to curve around Jensen’s jaw.

 

Jensen released a breath that Jared hadn’t noticed him holding. Jen’s eyes fluttered shut as his face leaned into the touch and he pulled in a shaky breath.

 

Jared shoved back tears before Jensen’s eyes shuttered open once more. Jared ran his thumb over the thin cut. Jensen’s lips parting to expel a questioning breath, his eye brows bunching in confusion.

 

“You love me, don’t you?” Jared whispered. 

 

“Always,” Jensen whispered back. “I’m sorry you ever questioned.”

 

Jared nodded, “Then forgive me.”

 

“Forgive you?” Jensen’s head cocked to the side. “What-”

 

Jared’s thumb landed over his lips. “Forgive me for not thinking, for not bother to just ask you… Talk to you… 

 

“I should have talked to you, Jen.”

 

“Jay-”

 

“I’m sorry, okay?” Jared whispered, once again silencing the older man with his thumb.

 

“No, Jay, I’m the one whose sorry-”

 

“I forgive you,” Jared said, “I did a while ago, Jen. I just didn’t know how to tell you… How to tell…”

 

“That you forgave me?” Jensen smirked a little, “You never had to say a word, Jay, you just had to look at me… I’d have known.”

 

Jared pulled Jensen down against him, “I know,” he murmured, trying to hide the tears he felt plucking once again at his eyes. “You can read me like an open book if you know what to look for…”

 

A while later, Jared slipped out of the living room and waddled to the master bathroom to make a call.

 

“And you’re sure you can fit me in?” he asked quietly, after pausing to make sure that those hadn’t been footsteps he’d heard.

 

“It’s not a problem, Jared. Everything should be done by then.” 

 

Jared nodded to himself and hastily ended the call, slipping the phone back into his pocket.

 

He flushed the empty toilet and rand the water as cold as possible, holding a wash cloth under the flow and then pressing it against his watery eyes.

 

When he looked at his eyes after a few moment, his tears were once again locked away. He hung up the rag with a sigh and then opened the door.

 

“You should tell him, Jared… He deserves to know.”

 

Jared couldn’t meet Mike’s eyes, “I know I should… But I don’t know how. I mean, he thinks I’m all pissed at him because of Chad, and I couldn’t really give two shits… 

 

“I just don’t know how to deal with all this.”

 

Mike nodded, and pulled the rotund Padalecki into his arms.

 

“Come with me later?” Jared murmured, “They redid everything…”

 

“Like you had to ask,” Mike uttered back, and Jared clung to them like salvation.

 

Mike drove.

 

Jared couldn’t remember anything about the trip there or the wait- if there was one.

 

He sighed as he looked down; fighting the tears in his eyes. Mike curled an arm around Jared’s back, pressing the two together.

 

“Okay, and what does that mean?” Jared choked out quietly, leaning back into Mike for strength.

 

“It means… It means,” she started again, but couldn’t meet his eyes. 

 

Jared looked up, one tear slipping down his cheek, “Cause it doesn’t sound like the good news you were hoping for…”

 

“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “The tests again showed that your baby will likely pull through this… However the tests showed that you… Likely won’t; and if you do…” Her voice shook, even after she cleared it. “Your baby likely won’t.”

 

Jared swallowed, and forced a smile even as he felt his throat closing, “I feel like Harry Potter; neither can live while the other survives…”

 

Mike held him as he cried for a long time…


	29. Chapter 29

  
Author's notes: For the most beautiful girl on the planet and all of those who waited, patiently or impatiently for another update. All I can say is that RL is a bitch- Except for my girl who is fantastical as always.

\-----

* * *

Jared released a shuddering breath, and nodded as he finally pulled back. Dr. Cox had stepped out a few minutes ago to give him a moment. Mikey didn’t loosen his grip. 

 

“You sure you’re okay?” he whispered.

 

Jared nodded, not really meaning it, “Yeah… I mean, no; but what am I going to do? I have to be.” He shrugged.

 

Mikey nodded, his grip finally loosening to the point, not of release, but of comfortable distance. “Are you going to tell him?”

 

“I-”

 

“Sorry,” Mikey interrupted, “I meant, _when_ are you going to tell him?”

 

“Mike… Come on, man; you know that I can’t do that…” Jared shook his head, “Jen… He already has so much to worry about… I can’t add to that. I mean, at the very least, I have to not do that to me. Me and baby. 

 

“If I tell Jensen what’s going on, then I’m going to be worrying about him because I know that he’ll be worrying about me way more than he should…

 

“Not that I don’t want him to care, but he goes way over-board with it-”

 

“He does not, he just loves you-”

 

“Yeah,. Mike,” Jared said saying his friends name as if it were a swear word. “And he loves his unborn child, too.”

 

Jared could feel the tears wanting to start up again, but he just clenched his jaw and forced them back. Mike hugged him close for a quick moment. “God, Mike… What the hell am I supposed to do?”

 

“Oh, Jay…” Mike murmured, the words hidden under the giant Padalecki frame that he was trying desperately to hold together. 

 

Jared clung to Mike for a long time, Mike’s hand’s gently rubbing his back as his own fingers tried to force themselves into Mike’s shoulders. 

 

“What am I supposed to do?” Jared asked, finally puling back and away. Taking a deep breath before hesitantly walking to the sink and using some of the rough paper towels to wipe his face. 

 

“I guess you have two options, Jared,” Mike said. “And obviously you know which one I think is the right choice, but I guess you have two options here… One, you can tell Jensen the truth, and let him be there for you as opposed to you just pretending like you can deal like this on your own, which is, of course, you know, the _right_ thing to do. 

 

“And door number two?” Jared asked, rolling his eyes. 

 

“You go out of your way to make this the best god damned time that the two of you have spent together. You find a way to make this work between the two of you… I mean, you guys never really dated; you had a one night stand that, yeah, granted, links you for life, but that doesn’t mean that the two of you are anything more than two friends that fucked and ended up with a kid… If you want to make it something more, then take the time to make it something more.”

 

Jared sighed, nodding slowly. “You’ve got a point.”

 

“Thanks,” Mike said, “I started talking and just ended up actually making a valid point.” He wiped a dramatic finger under dry eyes, pretending to wipe away a tear, “I’m so proud.”

 

Jared smiled; it was the most he could do…

 

Jared was asleep on the couch when Jensen got back from taking Tom back to his apartment so that he could start cleaning his shit up so he and Mikey could fin-a- _fucking_ -ly move in together. 

 

Jensen could feel his lips smoothing into a smile as he looked at Jared’s enormous form curled into itself on the couch. 

 

He stirred slightly as the light from the hall flicked on, and smiled back at Jensen as he knelt down to wake him so that they could go to bed.

 

“Jen, wait. Wait, Jen, wait a sec,” Jared murmured, batting Jen’s hand away when he tried to help him up.

 

“What? What is it? Are you okay? Is it the baby?”

 

“No, no, God no; Jen, _no_. I just… Do you mind if we talk for a bit?”

 

“Sure we can,” Jensen smiled, lifting Jared’s legs and settling himself under Jared’s long legs, and massaging Jared’s swollen ankles. 

 

Jared bit back a moan, letting his eyes flutter shut momentarily as he gave into the sensations. “Mmm, no Jen, talk, let’s talk.”

 

“What do you want to talk about?” Jensen said, not really bothering to hide the smirk tugging at his cheeks; it was nice to know that he could still get a rise out of Jared.

 

“I think we should date,” Jared said, finally, after a long moment. 

 

“You think we should… _date_?”

 

“Exactly,” Jared nodded. “We, kinda, skipped that part… Before… I’m thinking that maybe we shouldn’t have.

 

“And that we shouldn’t… This time…”

 

“You’re giving me a second chance?”

 

“No,” Jared shook his head seriously. “I’m giving us a second chance… I need one, too…”

 

“Jay, you didn’t do anything wrong-”

 

“Yes, I did,” Jared said shaking his head again. “I need one, too, Jen.”

 

“What did you do wrong?”

 

Jared shook his head, “Doesn’t matter, Jen… It’ll be better this time around…”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded, “I’ll make it better this time…”


	30. Chapter 30

  
Author's notes: She's still amazing. And surprisingly hot when she goes all drill sergent. I mean, what? :: koff :: Love you, chickie. ; )

\-----

* * *

Jared woke up feeling better than he had in a damn long time. 

 

He’d finally gotten used to the throbbing in his stomach, brushing off the dull ache as if it were a minor pain; which at this point it just kind of was. The stitches were coming out soon, hopefully, and the rest of it… well, it had just been around long enough that Jared was tired of hurting.

 

He sighed contentedly and rolled from his side to his back, groaning slightly as Baby pressed against his bladder. He groaned, or started to, until it was cut off with a smile. There was a tiny note on the empty pillow next to him.

 

Jensen must have left it there yesterday after helping Jared up to bed. 

 

He reached over and picked it up, beaming as he read Jensen’s masculine capitals _Good morning, Sunshine_. He shook his head a little and hid the note in his nightstand, before beginning the struggle to sit, and then stand, up.

 

He relaxed in the shower for a long moment, just letting the stream caress his permanently tensed back, and over his shoulders to his barely protrusive belly.

 

Dr. Cox had said that he would have popped in a few weeks, not give birth popped, but all of a sudden it would be totally obvious that he was about to have a baby. The twins would have made it really clear, but now Baby had more room to grow so he’d still pop pretty good.

 

He toweled off and dressed, making yet another mental note to buy bigger pants… Again. 

 

But at least word was out on set, so they bought bigger pants there. He hated screwing over the costume budget, but it’s not like he really could do anything about that now.

 

Though, he’s pretty sure that the only thing he would have changed back then, back when he would have had the chance to… _change_ anything… The only thing that he would have changed is how he handled the situation. 

 

In retrospect, Chad… Chad could have been handled differently. Chris… That wasn’t something he really wanted to think about. 

 

He and Jensen had jumped into whatever this was, whatever it had been… And then they’d let Chad fuck it up, and Jen had run to the one person that he knew he could count on in that situation… Well, the one person that he _thought_ he could count on in that situation…

 

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t either of their faults; it was as if some strange kismet of events had aligned to screw them both over.

 

And Jared didn’t like that, but hell, that was fine. If it was always him and Jen against the world… He was okay with that. Because they were going to raise a child… 

 

And maybe with that one child they could change something. Maybe with just one more person out there, loving someone for who they were, what they stood for, not their gender, age, race, status… Even one more person out there loving… 

 

Maybe that one person could change the world.

 

And he’s pretty sure that anyone learning to love from Jen? Would learn how to love without worrying about any of the other bullshit that superficial pricks looked for…

 

Because most people that ended up daiting their co-star? They’d be worried that it was just a show biz relationship, worried that as soon as the show was over, so was the relationship.

 

But Jared wasn’t.

 

And it wasn’t because of Baby that Jared wasn’t worried about this whole thing falling when the show ended. Sure, Baby was part of that, he supposed. Neither he nor Jen were the type of person to tear a kid apart like that, tear apart the family that they were sure to become before the network of Kripke pulled the plug. But there was more than that. He was sure of it.

 

Would it be easy? Hell no, it wouldn’t be easy. No relationship was always sunshine and rainbows, and theirs was more difficult because they were both Texan men and both actors. Any one of those three things made having a relationship difficult, that much was true… But put them all together, including the fact that Jared was Jared and Jensen was Jensen? Life was sure to be interesting.

 

Jared sighed, pulling himself out of his head as he finally finished getting ready for work, and actually had to think about what he was doing again.

 

He hated the way he waddled though, he realized yet again, as he shuffled down the stairs to the kitchen. 

 

He stopped, face breaking into a smile as he stood just outside the living room. Jensen had slept on the couch, that much was clear. 

 

It was as if Jensen was trying to send the message of _Hey, I realize that you said we should take it slowly and all… But, we’re in a relationship, so I’m not staying in the god damned basement another night. I’m not hiding, I’m not staying locked away anymore. We’re in a relationship and you claimed the bedroom, so that means that I get the sofa by default._ Jared shook his head a little, smiling hugely. Jensen was such a dork… And he wouldn’t change that for any amount of anything in the world. Ever.

 

He shook his head again, trying to shake the feeling of “Jen is so awdorkable” and finish getting ready for work.

 

But, Jensen was Jensen after all, and apparently? 

 

Just didn’t want Jared to make it to work on time, or without a smile on his face.

 

“Jay,

 

“Went in early to redo some shots, so I’ll see you on set.

 

“Hope you slept well, and I’ll see you and Baby soon.

 

“Love you,

 

“Jensen”

 

Jensen staunchly refused to sign any letter, no matter who to or how long it was, as _Jen_. For some reason, Jared found that unbelievably cute. 

 

God, they really found each other. Two dorks this big though? Damn… Their kid was screwed.

 

“PS: After work? You’d better look pretty.

 

“We’ve got a date to go on.”

 

Jared beamed as he read the last line of the post-script, “(If you want, I mean. … Yeah.)”

 

Such a dork, Jared shook his head, but he loved every second of it.


	31. Chapter 31

  
Author's notes: For the most awesomest chickadee ever. 'nuff said XD

\-----

* * *

“Argh,” Jared groaned, sitting down on the bed, “I give up.”

 

“Why? Why’re you giving up?” Mikey said, stepping into the doorway, “And what exactly are you giving up on?”

 

“I have nothing to wear,” Jared grumbled, not caring that he sounded like a damn girl. “And I look gross. Fat and gross.”

 

“You’re going on a date with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend Jensen that is so over the moon about the two of you going out, that I’m pretty sure you could wear sweat pants and he wouldn’t give a shit.”

 

Jared felt his cheeks burning, “Shut up.”

 

“Oh, it’s cute,” Mike said, using his ‘gay’ voice just to goad him more.

 

“Shut up and help me, or get out,” Jared said, shoving back off the bed and grumbling at his closet.

 

“If it helps?” Mike said, back to his normal tone of voice, “I’m pretty sure Tommy’s downstairs helping him pick out clothes.”

 

“When the hell did Jen and I become girls?” Jared asked, tossing a black sweater on the ever growing pile of clothes that he wasn’t going to wear.

 

“Well, Jensen’s nick name is Jen and you _are_ having a baby, Jay… If that doesn’t make you a girl? I don’t know what else would.

 

“I mean, I know there are surgeries and everything, but even with out one? Man, you take the take the cake, Jay.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“You love me.”

 

“Not right at this moment, I don’t.” Jared grumbled.

 

“Fine,” Mike said, “When you sweet talk me like that, how can I not help you?” He shoved himself up from his sprawl across Jared’s California king and strutted to the closet. 

 

“Do you know where you’re going?”

 

“Um, out?” Jared said, “I’m pretty sure Jen wants to surprise me…”

 

“So you have to look casual, but dressed up at the same time?” Mike asked.

 

“Uh, yeah, I guess…?”

 

“Dude,” Mike said, and Jared looked at him, eye brows raised, “Your boyfriend? Is a dick. I mean, we may not be women, but we are gay men… And that? Not telling you where you’re going? That’s just plain mean.”

 

“I’m not gay,” Jared said, “And neither are you.”

 

“Yeah,” Mikey said, rolling his eyes, “We’re two straight men that just happen to have fallen in love with other men. Brandy-what if? Cause that makes tons of sense.”

 

Jared shook his head, “When you say it like that-”

 

“Well, how else should I say it?”

 

“I don’t know, man; I just hate labels… I’m not gay, I’m not straight… I’m just… Looking for my soul mate.”

 

Mike rested a hand on Jared’s stomach, smiling when Baby nudged his hand with a kick. “Looks like you found him… Baby’s proof of that, yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said, laying his own hand on his stomach. It’s kinda hard to ignore something like a baby growing in your belly, especially when you knew that the only way you could have that baby growing in your belly is because you found your soul mate.

 

“Okay, so moving on? What the hell am I going to wear tonight?”

 

Mike looked through his closet, flipping through them rapidly. “God, what is with the pink? Are you really a woman? Geeze.”

 

“Shut up.” Jared’s cheeks burned.

 

Mikey sighed, and stepped back for a moment, looking at the shirts that he saw there. He tsked and shook his head. Then reached down and rifled through Jared’s rejected pile. 

 

“Why did you toss this one?” Mike asked, pulling out a black button down shirt. 

 

“Uh…” Jared trailed off.

 

“Come on, try it on,” Mike goaded, holding out the black matte shirt with vertical stripes of satiny sheened black stripes. “You can wear it with some dark wash jeans. Good for casual, and if you go some place fancy, it’ll be dim and they’ll look black anyways.

 

“Plus? You know that you’ll be more comfortable in jeans, anyways, right?” Jared nodded. “Then try it on.”

 

Jared nodded, and shuffled off to the bathroom. 

 

“So?” Jared asked after a few long moments. He smoothed the shirt over his rounded belly. Eight months of growth. The shirt was loose, but fitted around his arms. His jeans were annoyingly loose, but men’s maternity clothes, not all that common. 

 

“Wow,” Mike said. “I’m good. I mean, I’m _really_ good.

 

“Sure, it helps that I have a giant, beautiful canvas, but still,” Mike shook his head with a huge smile. “I’m good.”

 

“Yeah?” Jared asked, cheeks burning once again. 

 

“Oh, yeah,” Mike said, nodding enthusiastically. 

 

Jared smiled shyly, tipping his head down, and letting his hair curtain his face as he bit his lower lip in effort to stop from saying something really dumb.


	32. Chapter 32

  
Author's notes: For the sick, though hopefully recovering, Chaizu. the most amazing woman you could ever hope to meet: Magos186. And my partner, beautiful as she is, and talented as she is, who certainly deserves to have her name emblazoned with a billion lights- Alas, all I can do is this: I love you.

\-----

* * *

Jared glared at the bed for a long moment, and then pressed off the bedroom door with a soft grunt of effort. He settled on the edge of the bed, and then just lay back, feet still on the floor. He pressed a hand to his head.

 

So, that? Had been the **Worst. Date. EVER.**

 

God, just thinking about it…

 

Jared figures, in retrospect, that he should have known right from the opening fall that this night was just… Yeah…

 

It started off, as you’ve surely gathered, his mind narrated, with a trip and a fall…

 

_Jared shoved Mikey out of the room, ignoring his protests, just to have a few moments to himself to reassure himself that this was, in fact, really happening._

_A few deep breaths later, and Jared was on his way down stairs, trouble was, he took a few more than he planned and took them a lot faster than he planned. Luckily, he was Sam Winchester and he somehow managed to catch himself before he slammed on the ground._

_Jensen rushed over, and -(_ At this point? Jared would just like to remind himself that he didn’t fall because seeing Jen in those black pants with the olive green tight button down was ridiculously hot or anything like that- He just happened to choose that moment to fight gravity. Gravity won. _)- wrapped Jared in deliciously sculpted arms._

_“Are you okay?” Jensen asked, hugging him closely once more before resting a hand lightly on Jared’s stomach. “Is Baby?”_

_“Jen? Sweetie?” Jared asked, using a pet name to get his attention. “We’re fine. Thank you for worrying, but we’re_ fine _.”_

_Jensen nodded, once, shakily, and Jared couldn’t help but smile. Jensen was so freakin’ adorable. “So…” Jensen said, helping Jared (_ unnecessarily _) down the last three steps. “You look… Yeah.” Jensen flushed, running a hand through his hair._

_“You look pretty darn yeah yourself,” Jared teased, loving that Jensen blushed prettily under the verbal petting._

_“Thanks,” Jensen murmured, cheeks flaming. “Uh, so, I made reservations at Chez Paolo? So, I guess we should take off?”_

_“Okay,” Jared nodded, slipping into the jacket that he had clutched loosely in his hand. “Let’s go then.”_

_Jensen nodded, and turned to the closet and pulled on a charcoal fleece sweater. “Is it warm out?” Jared asked, suddenly rethinking his choice of coat._

_“Not too too warm,” Jensen shook his head, grabbing the keys to his Tundra, “but I figure you’ll crank the heat anyway,” he teased._

_Jared flushed, not even able to argue._

_They ambled to the truck, hands brushing, but not linking, as Jensen (_ Jared even blushed at the memory _) opened his door for him._

_“I’m not a girl, you know,” Jared murmured, face on fire._

_“Trust me,” Jensen said quietly in a gravely voice, “I am well aware.”_

_Jared couldn’t say anything to that. Not that he would have tried to, in any event._

_Jensen shook his head as he closed the door, and when he rounded the front and climbed into driver’s seat, he was wearing a huge smile._

_Jared bit his lip, but smiled too as Jensen linked their hands together after he pulled onto the road._

_They sat in comfortable silence for a long while, just… Reveling in the feeling of just being with each other. Really being with each other for the first time in a long time._

_And with nothing to screw it up for once._

__Jared groaned, shaking his head and sitting up. He awkwardly removed his shoes, and then shuffled back on the bed, huddling under the covers. __

_And with nothing to screw it up. (_ Even as he thought it, he regretted it. Because nothing good can come from thinking that nothing can go wrong. _)_

_Nothing, except of course, what ever the_ hell _that was!_

_Jared jumped, and Jensen cursed, flipping on the hazard lights as the truck clunked loudly again and then just slowed down of it’s own accord._

_Jensen threw glances in the mirrors and guided the slowing truck to the side of the road, and Jared was grateful that they hadn’t made it to the city yet. Grateful that they were still on the out skirts, in the suburbs where the roads were traveled, yes, but not scarily crowded to the point that Jared would be terrified that they would be slammed by a speeding ass wipe._

_Jensen rested his head on the steering wheel for a long moment before turning to look at Jared. “I’m sorry.”_

_“What for?” Jared asked, scooting over in his seat, and laying a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Did you break something in the truck on purpose?” Jensen looked at him like he was crazy. “Didn’t think so, therefore, not your fault.”_

_Jensen looked at him for a long moment, head still on the wheel, “You’re insane.”_

_“And you’re the father of my child, so that makes you, possibly, even more insane.”_

_Jensen lifted his head, smile tugging at his cheeks, “Possibly- But I wouldn’t want it any other way.”_

_“Me either,” Jared echoed._

_They each looked down, blushing like the teenaged girls that they apparently had turned into at some point, and then Jensen pulled out his phone to call a tow truck and a taxi._

_The tow truck, of course, showed up immediately, something that Jensen and Jared shared a look about- Each had expected to wait a while before it showed._

_But the taxi…_

_The taxi that was supposed to be there in five minuets?_

_It wasn’t._


	33. Chapter 33

  
Author's notes: I've had these chapters written for I think two days now, but couldn't post because my laptop (Smeckles) was concussed. It was sad, and made me want to cry, but my friend (that works with computers) thinks that he's all better now, so we shall cross our fingers. So thank you all for being very patient through out *my* hectic RL. Thank you.

\-----

* * *

Jared groaned again, pulling the blankets up to his chin…

 

_The taxi took at least forty minuets to arrive, and of course by the time that they got to Chez Paolo? The restaurant had given their table away._

_They offered Jensen a seat at the bar, but he quickly declined- No need to sit in front of a bunch of alcohol that neither one of them could drink._

_“Neither of us?” Jared asked, raising a brow._

_“Well, it’s not like I’m going to just throw back a few when we’re on a date and you can’t drink.”_

_Jared’s head snapped around, looking to see if anyone had heard “date”. Jensen bit his lower lip, releasing it slowly, “Sorry, it just…_

_“Slipped out,” they over lapped._

_“I know,” Jared said, nudging Jensen’s shoulder gently with a loose fist. “It’s fine, Jen.”_

_Jensen rubbed his forehead, “Still…” He sighed, “You want to go somewhere else? I’m sure we can find a place…”_

_Jared nodded, “Yeah, I don’t really want to give up on this… Or even put it on hold.”_

_Jensen flushed a little, “Well, okay then. Good to know that we’re on the same page.”_

_Jared nodded, “Same page is good.”_

_“Agreed,” Jensen murmured, brushing a hand down Jared’s back, letting it rest there gently as he guided Jared out the doors._

_Shockingly enough, they got a cab pretty damn quick this time; only twenty minuets this time._

_Jensen, apparently, didn’t really have a back up plan, deciding instead to just ask the cab driver to take them to a semi-formal restaurant._

_And damn the luck of it all. The driver just had to pick that restaurant that apparently had a whole shit ton of fan girls, because Jensen stepped out, and there was one short squeal- Followed by a series of loud screeches._

_Screeches that increased ten-fold as Jared stepped out of the other side._

 

Jared pulled the blankets over his head, wishing he couldn’t remember the fan girl attack.

 

_By the time they escaped the rabid fan girls, Jared was about ready to gnaw his arm off he was so hungry._

_They, luckily, were seated quickly._

_Of course, it was a table in the back corner, right next to the kitchen._

_The smell of something… God, Jared didn’t even know what…_

_But it smelled_ foul _._

_Jared tried to swallow the gag that rose in his throat, but failed miserably._

_He retched, coughing._

_“You okay?” Jensen asked, butt lifting from the seat that it just barely touched. “What is it?”_

_“Oh, god,” Jared uttered, “Yeah, I’m fine it’s just-” He cut off with another gag. “That smell._

_“God, that’s_ terrible _.” Jared shook his head, trying to force down some water._

_“I’m sorry, baby,” Jensen murmured, caressing Jared’s hand. “ Do you want to go?”_

_“No, no it’s okay.” Jared forced a smile. “I’ll be fine.”_

_“Are you sure?” Jensen asked._

_“What? Yeah, I’ll-” he retched again. “Seriously, what is that?”_

_“I don’t know,” Jensen said. “Are you even hungry now?”_

_“Not really,” Jared flushed, “I’m sorry…”_

_“It’s not your fault, babe,” Jensen murmured. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”_

_“Oh… Okay…” Jared said sadly. He didn’t want this to end. Not like this, not now._

_“You want to go see a movie instead?” Jensen asked as they walked to the entrance._

_“What?” Jared stopped, turning to look at Jen._

_“Well, I’m hoping you don’t just want to call it quits, yeah?”_

_Jared couldn’t help his smile, “Yeah._

_“Yeah, let’s go see a movie.”_

_They walked to the movie theater. It wasn’t too far down the block, and Jared was willing to ignore the slight throbbing in his swollen ankles if it meant that he was going to sit with Jen in the dark for an hour and a half._

_Cause that?_

_Just sounded like fun._

_Jensen bought the tickets, and Jared tried to pretend that he didn’t think it was somehow completely adorable that Jensen was being all chivalrous._

_They stopped at the concession and bought a giant popcorn bucket and a huge Dr. Pepper to share._

_Again, if that wasn’t adorable, Jared didn’t know what was._

_They settled into their seats just as the lights dimmed._


	34. Chapter 34

  
Author's notes: Again, this is the part where I like to try and be all cool, and smart and stuff, but right now? I got nothing. My computer is fixed, I got a woman that loves me, Jared and Jensen are behaving and happy -In this fic... What more could I ask for. Thank all of you that read and review... It means more to me than you'll ever know.

\-----

* * *

_By the time the opening credits were done rolling, Jared had to pee._

_And if that wasn’t bitch enough, it felt like every five freakin’ minuets he had to get up and pee again._

_Finally, Jensen followed him out, “Maybe a movie wasn’t the best idea?”_

_“Maybe not,” Jared murmured sadly. “I’m sorry.”_

_“No, I’m sorry,” Jensen shook his head, “I didn’t think-”_

_“No, I didn’t think. I mean, with the…” He looked down, deciding not to let the world know; just in case the world was some how listening, “Yeah,_ it _and the Dr. Pepper in a vat?_

_“Not the best combination…”_

_“Yeah,” Jensen murmured, looking down. A moment later, he chucked the huge drink into the trash._

_“So…” Jared said, “I guess this means-”_

_“A walk?” Jensen interrupted, “In the park, maybe?”_

_Jared beamed; Jensen really wasn’t going to give up. Not on this, on them. “Yeah, that sounds awesome.”_

_On the way, Jared cast a surreptitious glance at Jen and then pulled a sandwich bag of sour belts from his inside jacket pocket._

_“What is that?” Jensen asked, shocked smirk on his face._

_“Provisions?” Jared answered sheepishly._

_Jensen laughed, “Mind if I have one?”_

_Jared looked down at his sour belts. He really didn’t want to share, things were like crack._

_“Um, wouldn’t you rather some M &Ms or Twizzlers or Sour Patch Kids?”_

_Jensen laughed, “Are you serious?”_

_Jared flushed and reached back into his pocket, pulling out a handful of bags, each with a different selection of colorful candy._

_Jensen laughed again, and snagged the bag of pro-offered skittles, popping one in his mouth as Jared once again hid the candy from sight in his jacket pockets._

_They ambled along in comfortable silence, munching happily on sugar, but they didn’t even make it to the park before the heavy clouds were split with a flash of lightning and rain poured down._

_The freezing cold ice sheets of rain._

_Fan-friggin-tastic._

_Jared couldn’t stop the shivers. He was so cold, his ribs hurt, and his teeth hurt from all the chattering._

_Jensen looked just as cold, his teeth chattering just as loudly._

_“Here,” he half shouted to be heard over a roll of thunder, and grabbed Jared’s arm tugging him under an awning. “I’ll call us a ride home…_

_“We’ll… Try again tomorrow night?” Jensen asked, nervously flipping his cell over and over in his hand. “If you want?”_

_Jared nodded, teeth chattering so loudly he didn’t even bother to attempt speaking._

_“Okay,” Jensen nodded, bowing his head to hide his huge grin. “Okay, good.”_

_Thankfully, this cab came pretty quick after Jensen called._

_And then Jared settled in to the back seat, Jensen running around the back of the cab to get in the other said, once again doing the chivalrous thing and opening the door for him, and letting him have the side closest to the sidewalk._

_“So,” Jensen muttered, running a hand through his hair, and shivering at the rivulets of water that he caused to drip down his spine. “This went well.”_

_“Oh, yeah,” Jared said, shaking his shaggy head, sending water flying in every direction. “It was a blastie.”_

_Jensen laughed, and laid his hand down on the middle seat, next to Jared’s hand, their pinkies not even touching, but so close that Jared could feel the heat from Jensen’s hand. It was electric._

_His breath hitched and he couldn’t help but turn to look at Jensen._

_Jensen looked back, a deep hunger in his eyes._

_Jared swallowed thickly, begging Jen with out words to close the distance between them, to kiss him,_ Dear, god, please just kiss him already _! But at the same time, hoping that he wouldn’t._

_Because if Jensen kissed him? That would lead to more kissing. Which would lead to biting, nipping and straying hands. And that?_

_Was the opposite of taking things slow._

_Although, at this point, Jared had to wonder if he’d lost his mind with the taking things slow idea- Because if he’d thought that that green shirt was hot before? Soaking wet and clinging to Jensen’s sun kissed skin was so much sexier._

_Jared shifted his hand, crossing their pinky fingers. It was the least he could do, the slightest bit he could offer. Jensen shifted his hand, too, so that Jared’s hand was half on top of his._

_As close as they could get to holding hands without actually holding hands._

_Jared tipped his head down, cheeks flaming._

_And then the unmistakable smell of burnt rubber filled the cab._

 

Jared felt his stomach roll at the memory. But a queasy feeling was ten billion times worse than puking all over the inside of some random taxi. 

 

God, how embarrassing. Jensen had given the cabbie more than enough to clean the back seat out, and helped Jared into the house, despite weak protests. 

 

He’d even given Jared a soft kiss on the cheek before padding down stairs to take a nice warm shower.

 

Jared pulled the pillow and blanket off his head, pulling in a deep lungful of air. 

 

Yeah, from the outside? That was definitely the worst date ever in the history of the universe. 

 

_But it was him and Jensen…_ Jared beamed, pulling the covers once more over his head. _It was perfect._


	35. Chapter 35

  
Author's notes: For you, beautiful. With your newspaper of epic awesome and win. Love you.

\-----

* * *

They didn’t make a solid plan for a “do-over” first date for the next couple days because they had to work crazy hours. 

 

Jared got home an hour or so before Jensen was told he’d be released. He yawned and tore off his jeans and polo, slipping into loose sweat pants and a hoodie before he flopped down on his bed.

 

He was hungry, but he was tired, too; question was, which would win out in the short run?

 

When Jared opened his eyes again, it was pitch black. He groaned slightly at the weight against his bladder and heaved himself off the bed, taking a detour to the bathroom before padding downstairs to the kitchen to see if there was anything that looked even half way edible.

 

Jared stopped short on the stairs, unable to stop the smile from crossing his face as he looked over to see Jensen on the couch.

 

Jensen was… 

 

Adorable. 

 

He was rubbing one eye tiredly while yawning; his hair was messy and sticking up every which way. His arms were bare, his chest covered only by an olive green wife beater style tank top. He wore dark gray pajama pants; once, they were black, Jared was certain, but Jensen had washed them so many times that they weren’t anymore. The afghan was shoved next to the folded pillow with the boring pillow case on it. 

 

Jensen’s hand dropped, and his face split into a yawn again. And then a smile. 

 

“Hey,” he murmured, grinning at Jared. “How’re you doing?”

 

“Good,” Jared murmured back, smiling back and finishing his walk down the stairs before crossing the living room and sitting down on the couch next to him. 

 

“Oh, yeah?” Jensen cocked a brow, and smirked. “And how are you really?”

 

Jared blinked, drowning for just a moment or twelve in Jensen’s eyes, and then Jensen grinned wider, and Jared snapped out of it. “I’m _starving_.” Jensen laughed, nodding a little. “No, seriously, Jen! I think my stomach started eating it self!”

 

“You want to go out and grab a bite?” Jensen asked. 

 

“Jen, it’s-” Jared glanced at the VCR, “-Two in the morning. Where do you suggest we go? 

 

“The convenience store down the street?”

 

“Or,” Jensen half laughed, “We could go to Denny’s.”

 

“Oh,” Jared sat back on the couch. “Yeah, we could do that.”

 

Jensen laughed, grabbing his balled up socks from the floor and slipping them on. “Yeah. We could do that.”

 

Jared shook his head, hair falling back off his face, “Are you asking me out?”

 

Jensen pulled on his second sock, hiding his burning face for as long as he could. “I might be… Would that be bad?”

 

Jared flushed, point to Jensen. “No… No, that would not be bad. Just… Give me a sec to get ready?”

 

Jensen turned, shoe in hand, “What? Why?”

 

“Um,” Jared looked down, and lifted his hand from his stomach before gesturing to himself, his sweats.

 

“A good point,” Jensen bit back a smile. “Counter point?” Jensen let go of his shoe and gestured to his pajama pants and tank top.

 

“Touché,” Jared smiled; he looked down at himself. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah,” Jensen laughed, and shrugged, “I’m lazy.”

 

Jared laughed.

 

“Oh, thanks,” Jen scoffed, “Thanks for agreeing.”

 

“Hey, when you’re right, you’re right,” Jared teased, nudging Jensen lightly with his elbow. Jensen shook his head with a smile. 

 

“Shut up and come on,” Jensen shook his head, chuckling a little under his breath.

 

Jared shook his head, laughing a little himself, and waited until Jensen stood and then held out his hands, trying to ignore the sparks that danced up his arms as Jensen gripped them lightly, and helped him to his feet.

 

They ambled out to the Tundra- Newly fixed of course, what was wrong with it Jared didn’t know, he thinks it had something to do with the flux capacitor , but it was fixed and washed and waxed and… God, Jensen looked so pretty in that tank top…

 

Jared wiped his chin, almost surprised when he didn’t find drool there. He grabbed the handle, their hands brushing against each other again as they each tried to open the Toyota’s door first.

 

“I can open the door for myself, Jen,” Jared murmured teasingly.

 

“I know, Jay,” Jensen teased back, “But I like making you blush.”

 

“I- Ff- Mmph- Heh,” Jared fumbled, cheeks blazing. “What ever.”

 

Jensen started laughing, using the Tundra’s door to hold himself up for a second before laughing his way around to the driver’s side.

 

He then proceeded to throw his head back and continued laughing for a good long while- Until Jared used a well placed, giant palmed smack to the side of his ribs.


	36. Chapter 36

  
Author's notes: For " **Jensen** ", the girl that linked me to the song that inspired the ring tone. Jensen + Beatles music = a fic mention at the very least!

And: Swear!

\-----

* * *

Once they were at Denny’s, Jared, for the life of him, could not decide what to get. 

 

Jensen didn’t even opened the menu, not caring at all that he was a grown man- He was getting his chicken fingers, and he was going to enjoy them.

 

Jared wasn’t really in the mood for dinner style foods, even though Jensen clearly was… But at the same time… 

 

Jared scanned the menu, oh, score!

 

He grinned and closed it. 

 

Jensen quirked a brow, “I take it something caught your eye?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said lowly, “And I even found something that looks good to eat.”

 

Jensen’s brow stayed in its quirked position, face blank for a moment, and then he flushed; understanding Jared’s stupid attempt at flirting. Jensen didn’t say anything, just licked his lips and bit down on his lower lip, trying to hide his growing smile.

 

“So, you two ready to order?” The tired waitress asked.

 

“Yes, I think so,” Jensen said, looking up at her. “G’head, Jay.”

 

Jared blushed, but looked up at her through his shaggy bangs, “Yes, I’ll have the French toast slam? And can I get a short stack with that, too?”

 

“Sure, hun,” She pushed her bi-focals up her nose, “How do you want your eggs?”

 

“Can you take the two eggs and the bacon and the sausage and make an omelet?” 

 

She blinked, “It’ll cost a bit extra, but if that’s okay?”

 

“Oh, no, you know what? Can I have French toast, and a short stack, and an two egg omelet with salsa and diced potatoes? And, and a bagel?” Jared blushed. “Sorry, that just sounds really good.”

 

“It’s not a problem, hun,” She tore off the page she’d started writing on and scribbled his order on a new page. “Is this together or separate?”

 

“Together,” Jensen said quickly, “And I’ll have chicken fingers- And that comes with fries?”

 

“Sure does,” she glanced up at him. 

 

“Okay, make it a double order of fries?” Jensen glanced at Jared, who blushed, fully aware that Jen doubled the fries so that he could have some. 

 

She nodded, “And what can I get you to drink, refills?”

 

Jared nodded, “Yes, please.”

 

“I’ll have some water, instead, actually,” Jensen smiled, and she nodded walking away, and polished off his mug of coffee.

 

As they waited for their food, a soft comfortable silence fell over them. 

 

Just as Jensen opened his mouth to speak, Jared’s phone went off.

 

_Oh. Oh **no**._

 

Jared fumbled around in his hoodie, hands scrabbling to find his cell, blushing furiously as the ring tone Mikey had jokingly made and sent to him rang out loudly.

 

Jensen's voice was young, a forced husky edge to it that was very hot for some reason: “ _Ooo, we danced- Through the ni-ight. And we held each other ti-ight. And before too long I fell in love with he-er._ "

 

Jared finally found his phone and shut the ringer off.

 

He stared at it, and then slowly raised his gaze to Jensen.

 

Jensen’s jaw was dropped, “Where the _hell_ did you get that?” Jared mumbled. “I’m sorry; where did you get that?”

 

Jared cleared his throat, and looked at the table top. “Mikey gave it to me?”

 

Jensen scoffed out a laugh, and then another, until he was just laughing. “That jerk.”

 

Jared flushed, thankful that Jensen wasn’t pissed. Not that Jared had _really_ thought that he would have been.

 

Jared frowned down at his phone as it beeped, alerting him to a voicemail. He glanced at the screen, and realized that Megan had been the one to leave the message. 

 

“Megan? What?” he muttered, “Hey, Jen, you mind if I-”

 

“No, g’head. Let me know what’s up?” 

 

Jared nodded and dialed his voice mail code, and as he listened his eyes slowly filled with tears. 

 

“Jay, what is it?” Jen asked, not caring who say as he curled his hand around Jared’s.

 

“Megan. She says that she’s been staying with my mom ever since… Ever since the funeral. Says she keeps hearing Mom cry herself to sleep. Says she misses me, that she hasn’t heard from me or seen me in ages, says she blames herself somehow. Wants to throw us a baby shower but we won’t let her…”

 

“Jay, sweetie, there’s an easy way to fix this.” Jen smiled soothingly. Jared looked up, huge puppy eyes glistening.

 

“How do you figure?”

 

“Simple,” Jensen said, “We go down to Texas and let your mom throw us a baby shower. I’m sure my mom’ll come up and help.”

 

“And we’re just supposed to call off work and - _poof_ \- vanish?” Jared cocked a brow, finally understanding why Dean was the one that always cocked a brow. (Though, that might have been Jensen more than the writers.)

 

“I’ll call Kripke, you call Megan. And yeah, that’s pretty much my plan.”

 

Jared chuckled, and hit the call button. Hopefully, this would fix things with his mom and sister.


	37. Chapter 37

  
Author's notes: Okay, warning? Long author's note. And I'm not even sorry about it.

First and foremost: Ange. Sweets, you are the light in all the darkness, the one that got me to push myself, to branch out, and thus this fic was born. And more over, because of you I keep on writing, and bettering myself as a writer, and as a human person. I love you, and you, my darlin', are my soul mate.

Secondly, to Rachael, aka " **Jensen** ", for letting me bounce stupid ideas off her until I get through the crud and reach the ideas that make it into this fic. Thank you.

And last, but totally not least, all of my fans.

Thank you. So so much. I never would have thought I would receive so many reviews, and I sure as shit never thought I would make it onto a favorite list, let alone not the last one on said list. I'm in shock, and thank you al so so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate each and every reader. You all rock my socks.

You have no idea! Thank you all so so much!!!

\-----

I would also just like to say how annoying this chapter was, and, because I don't want to spoil anything, will probably rant more next chapter... Because there was a certain something that will probably be overlooked but gave me absolute hell... But I love you all so much, so I muddled through. Yay!

\-----

* * *

Tommy couldn’t get away for a week, and Jensen wasn’t going to let Jared drive. 

 

So, Jensen booked a rental car for the drive, not wanting to add all those miles to his Tundra, and called Mikey to be a back-up driver so that they could switch off every six hours, and nap in between. 

 

Theoretically, the drive would be about a day and a half, but including the numerous bathroom breaks they were bound to take and the food stops, Jensen was thinking that they’d get to Jared’s parent’s house around noon instead of eight in the morning. But, as Jared kept trying to remind him, it _was_ Mikey. Which meant they could get there at three am or nine pm… Either one, or anything in between, was definitely fair game.

 

And, really, Jared had thought it was a good idea. Kripke somehow managed to talk the network into giving them a week hiatus so that they could head down and have a little (little his foot, Jared thought) family baby shower. The network, still very on board with keeping the, as they called it “Padalecki-Ackles _situation_ ” as he called it “relationship”, very hush-hush gave all the shows a week long hiatus. 

 

It was both creepy, and very cool. And probably because Supernatural had just gone nuts with the number of viewers each week. This season was by far the most popular according to the ratings, and DVD sales had been high, too… Jared’s guess was that while they weren’t willing to bend-over backwards to keep Kripke and Supernatural around longer than their original five year plan, they were pretty flexible- Especially when it meant that they would get something out of it… Like Jen and Jay staying firmly in the closet.

 

They were worried about the incest factor. 

 

Jared, honestly, wasn’t thinking about the network when it came to the decision of coming -or not- coming out. 

 

Jared was more worried about the reaction of his family- Though his immediate family was taking it fantastically, and Jensen’s family. 

 

He had no idea how Jensen’s family was taking it, or if they even knew. Since Alan, Donna, Mac, and Josh had been at the funeral, he assumed that they knew… But still, just because they came to lay their son to rest, didn’t necessarily mean that they accepted it…

 

Of course, the fact that Donna and Mac had squealed in Jensen’s ear so loudly Jared could hear it across the room, and then hung up after swearing to meet him at Sherri’s house so that they could help plan the baby shower was definitely a good sign.

 

Jared stretched, nudging the base of Jen’s seat as Mikey turned left onto St. Mary’s street. Jared’s mom had gone all out for some reason; Donna, Mac, and Megan were surely partially to blame for the insanity.

 

Because they had booked the Hotel Contessa for the baby shower. 

 

A beautiful resort right on the river. A very expensive resort right on the San Antonio river.

 

As a bonus though, it did give Jared and Jensen an excuse to book a room at a hotel as opposed to splitting up and staying with their parents.

 

“Hmm, what?” Jensen murmured, tiredly sitting up.

 

“There’s sleeping beauty,” Mike teased from behind his giant sunglasses. (Jensen had Jared laughing for about the first hour Mike had worn them, accidentally stumbling onto the fact that they were women’s sunglasses.)

 

“Sha’dup,” Jensen murmured, linking his fingers and stretching his back as best he could. He yawned and looked around. “Where are we?”

 

“San Antonio,” Jared said, not bothering, not even a little, to mask his southern accent.

 

Jensen turned is his seat, grinning, “Well all righ’ then,” he said, sliding into the same accent.

 

The SUV bunny-hopped. Their head’s whipped around to face Mikey.

 

“The hell?!” They exclaimed in unison.

 

Mike said nothing, but he blushed for what was possibly the first time Jared had ever seen. “Mike, you’ve heard us talk like this before, I don’t know how many times.”

 

“Yeah,” he muttered, embarrassed, “But you guys were drunk.” He glanced at them both. “And if you guys are drunk, then what the hell do you think that made me?”

 

“Well, all righ’ then,” Jensen said, eyes smirking at Jared in his visor mirror.

 

Jared grinned and sat back in his seat.

 

“So, how much longer?”

 

Jared glanced out the window, “Not long. We’re on Navarro now.”

 

Jensen nodded, half realizing what that meant, but not really. “Megan’s meeting us there, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared nodded, “I called her a bit ago.”

 

“Awesome,” Jensen nodded, settling back into his seat for the last bit of the drive.

 

Jensen popped out of the SUV before Mikey had even stopped completely. He arched his back like a cat, and Jared would almost swear he could hear the pops from the back seat. He reached over and pushed open his door. It took a few tries, but he slid out of the car, resting his arm gingerly on his baby bump. 

 

Jensen stepped behind him and massaged his shoulders and back or a few short moments, and then stopped his delicious hand movements and stepped away to grab their bags when Mikey popped the trunk. 

 

Jared turned and opened his mouth to offer to grab his own bag, but Jensen spoke first, “Don’t even bother, you aren’t helping.” He stood up, pulling his laptop bag over his head. “Why don’t you go check us in?”

 

Jared smiled softly at him, and then turned, shaking his head a little as he walked inside. 

 

And then he gasped. 

 

Not at the beautiful two story lobby, not at the fact that you could see the river through the back doors, the lights wrapped around the gorgeous palm trees. 

 

“Mama?”

 

“JT!” Sherry exclaimed, hurrying over. “How’s my baby boy?” She laid her hands on his round stomach. “And his baby?”

 

“I’m fine, we’re fine,” Jared smiled hugely at his grinning sister Megan as he carefully pulled his mother into a hug.

 

Behind him, he heard Jen and Mikey laughing followed by a thump.

 

“Mama?” Jensen gasped, dropping the bag he was carrying.

 

“I guess I’ll just check us all in then,” Mikey said, as he watched Jared and Jensen hug their mother’s respectively.


	38. Chapter 38

  
Author's notes: Because it took me twelve hours, practically, to find the location that matched everything I wanted it to, I plan to explore it as much as possible. Yay!

\-----

* * *

Jared was pleased when Donna, Mac, Meg, and Sherry joined him, Jensen, and Mikey for lunch at Las Ramblas. 

 

Jared ordered a salad, correctly assuming hat he would eat only about two bites due to the amount of talking that the group would partake in. It was only after he and Jensen tucked their left-over’s in the mini-fridge, that Jared realized that neither he nor Jen had paid.

 

“Shit,” he growled, picked up his cell phone and dialing Megan.

 

“Hey, what’s up, JT?”

 

“Hey, I just wanted to apologize.”

 

“What?” She laughed a little, “What for?”

 

“For handing the check off to you and Mama,” he said embarrassedly.

 

“Oh, we didn’t pay, sweetie; but thanks for worrying. We’ll see you tonight for dinner?”

 

“Uh, yeah.” Jared hung up, “Jen, sweetie, you might want to call your mom. My mama and Megan didn’t pay.”

 

“Shit,” Jensen murmured, pulling out his cell. A few moments later, Jensen shook his head. “My mama didn’t pay, but said that she’s excited about the shower tomorrow…

 

“I think we might have dined and ditched, man.”

 

“Maybe they just charged it to the room?” Jared asked, staring guiltily as his feet.

 

“I hope so,” Jensen said. And then paused, “Want me to call the front desk?”

 

“Would you mind? Or I could, if you like?” Jared said, half reaching for the phone but settling on the bed instead.

 

“Nah, I’ll take care of it, don’t worry, Jay.” He glanced at Jared, “And you? Can take a nap.”

 

“Ah, a bed. Thanks.” Jared laid down, sighing in pleasure as his eyes fluttered shut.

 

“Here,” Jensen murmured, settling at the base of his bed and slowly un-tied and loosened the laces on Jared’s shoes before slipping them off slowly and tossing them to the floor and massaging Jared’s swollen ankles lightly.

 

Jared whimpered out a moan, and didn’t even feel embarrassed about it; it felt far too delicious…

 

When Jared woke later, it was the middle of the night. He sat up quietly, doing his best not to jostle Jensen as he slept in the bed beside him. He switched off the lamp beside his side of the bed, and the room was cloaked in darkness.

 

He slid his bare feet to the ground and stood, smiling a little as Jensen murmured quietly in his sleep and rolled over. He shook his head and slipped under the heavy curtains, leaving the sliding glass door open as he stepped out onto the patio.

 

In the distance he could hear the traffic, and the noises that was San Antonio, but here, with him on this dark patio, were the sounds of the night; crickets and the river flowing. 

 

He sighed and lowered himself to the ground.

 

He never realized how much he missed San Antonio until he was home again. Maybe that was why he only came back home ever so often.

 

He looked at the water, and crab crawled awkwardly under the weight of the stomach until his feet dipped into the water.

 

The cold river flowed around his legs, his jeans pulling water up from the river’s surface around his calves and dampening the denim up and around his knees.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, but Jensen joined him what felt like not too long later. 

 

“Hey,” Jensen murmured, joining him on the ground, but opting to sit cross-legged, tucking his bare feet under the forest green plaid pajama pants that he was wearing. Jim-jam pants that Jared was 79.8% certain that Jensen had jacked from him.

 

He smiled, “Hey. Did you sleep well?”

 

“Mmhmm,” Jensen purred, closing his eyes and listening to the quiet around them. “Little homesick?”

 

“A little bit,” Jared admitted, not the slightest bit ashamed. His quiet sigh was cut off as Jensen’s hand curled around his own, their fingers entwining. Jared looked down at their linked hands, loving the feel of it, but also loving the way that they looked, in the soft light of the night, but also the way that Jensen knew, with out words really, that Jared needed that sign of support.

 

He closed his eyes, and awkwardly laid his head on Jensen’s shoulder. Jen hummed a little and rested his head on top of Jared’s.

 

Jared stared down at their entwined hands and couldn’t help but smile.

 

Jensen would make one hell of a dad- He wasn’t too sure about how good a father that he himself would be, but he was certain that Jensen would be an amazing father. He knew when things were wrong without even needing to speak to him, and he knew when to try and fix them and when to just sit back and listen, knew when to run and when to dive in and not worry about getting dirty.

 

“Jen?” Jared said quietly, speaking just above a whisper.

 

“Mmm?” Jensen hummed. 

 

“I love you.” 

 

Crickets filled the air after Jared’s admission, Jensen sitting stock still, even his hand limp around Jared’s.

 

“Sorry, I just… Thought that you should know. I mean- I know you already know,” Jared lifted his head, looking at the river flowing around his jeans. “But I thought I should… I don’t know, remind you, or something. It’s nice to hear, and nice to say, and I haven’t said it in a while, and I just wanted to say it, and I thought that you might want to hear-”

 

“Jay?”

 

Jared turned his head, lower lip caught in his teeth, “Mmm?”

 

“I love you, too.” And then Jensen kissed him.


	39. Chapter 39

  
Author's notes: This doesn't count as Angst... Soooo doesn't... Nope nope no.

\-----

* * *

In all honesty? Jared couldn’t tell you if his baby shower was awesome, or if it sucked.

 

He was still floating…

 

_Jensen had helped him up, and they had exchanged kisses at every step. And then Jensen had eased him gently onto the bed, carefully sliding Jared’s jeans down his legs and tossing them carelessly across the room. Jared peeled his t-shirt off, white wife-beater pulled taught over his expansive baby bump._

_Jensen eased grey cut-off sweat pants up Jared’s legs, smoothing them over his hipbones._

_Jared held out his hand, and Jensen took it, carefully climbing into the bed next to Jared and curling his lithe body around Jared’s supine form._

_Jensen linked their hands, and Jared laid them softly on his stomach, fingers linked as their palms laid flat against Baby._

_Baby, who apparently loved the attention and began to kick up a storm._

_Jensen’s face split into a grin, “Oh, my- Is that?”_

_“Yeah,” Jared smiled back, “Isn’t it nuts?”_

_Jensen nodded, carefully leaning up to press a sweet kiss to his lips before gazing back at their hands as Baby gave another sharp kick._

_Jared wasn’t sure when he fell asleep, but he was pretty sure that it was when Jensen was still singing softly to their baby…_

__He grinned and accepted the bottle of water that Megan handed to him, “Thanks.”

 

“No problem,” she sat down next to him. “So, where’s Jen at? Mama and I wanted to thank him.”

 

“Thank him?” Jared asked after he swallowed, “Thank him for what?”

 

“Helping out.”

 

Jared blinked, “Helping out with _what_? You wouldn’t let us help set up-”

 

“No,” Megan shook her head. “With paying for it. JT, there’s no way we could afford all this, not even with Donna and Mackenzie’s help.”

 

“Jen… Helped out?” Jared looked across the room, eyes landing immediately on Jensen as he laughed with Mikey near the obscenely large gift pile. 

 

“Well, yeah- He… He didn’t tell you?” Megan asked. 

 

“No,“ he said softly, “He didn’t tell me.” 

 

Jared pushed himself awkwardly out of his seat, giving Megan a half nod when she helped him up.

 

“Hey,” Jared said, pasting a smile on his face when he reached the other side of the room.

 

“Hey, babe; how’re you doing?” Jensen asked, still half laughing from what ever inane thing Mikey had just uttered. 

 

“I’m fine.” He smiled, “So, you’re helping pay for all of this?”

 

Jensen’s face froze. “I’m what now?”

 

“Look, it’s no big deal. Meg just told me.” 

 

“Told you _what_ exactly, because I have no idea what you’re-”

 

“Megan? She just told me that you’re helping pay for the shower?”

 

“No, I’m-”

 

“I am,” Mike interrupted, holding up a hand. “Tommy and I are helping out.”

 

“What?” they asked in unison.

 

Mike shrugged, “It’s only fair. I mean, we can afford it, and god knows you helped us out a lot…” He looked at them each, a little flushed, “It’s only fair.”

 

Jensen clapped a hand on Mike’s shoulder and gave him a quick hug, “Thanks, man, but you didn’t need to do that.”

 

“I know,” Mike said, “I wanted to. We both did.”

 

Jared felt his eyes welling up with tears and clapped a hand on Mikey’s back before heading quickly to the bathroom to wipe away his over-whelming emotions.

 

“Jay!” Jensen called, but Jared didn’t stop, too embarrassed by the tears in his eyes to do more than throw up a hand and keep moving.

 

He hurried to the handicapped stall, and locked the door behind him, leaning against the door.

 

“Jared? You okay?” Mikey asked a moment later, the heavy bathroom door closing behind him.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Stupid hormones,” Jared leaned his head back, keeping the tears from streaming down his face. There was a long pause. “What?” Jared asked.

 

“Nothing,” Mikey lied, and then, apparently, decided not to, “It’s just… Are you sure that it’s just hormones?”

 

“What do you mean?” Jared slid the lock back, and swung the door open.

 

“I mean… Did you decide to tell Jen… Something?” He had a look on his face, like he was talking about something important.

 

“Like what? That I don’t like his shirt?” It was a stupid shirt, it was all… Floppy, it wasn’t tight enough, looked like it was two sizes too big.

 

“Uh, no,” Mike shook his head, and then talked really slowly, as if Jared himself were slow. “Something about you? And the baby?”

 

“Oh,” Jared said, shaking his head. “No, nope.”

 

“Jay, you have to tell him.”

 

“No, no I don’t,” Jared shook his head, “Because if I tell him… Then I have to admit to myself that it’s going to happen, and I can’t do that, so no… I don’t have to tell him anything.” Mikey studied him for a moment, and then held out his arms. Jared shook his head, “I don’t need a hug, Mike; nothing’s wrong.”

 

Jared brushed past him and pushed out of the bathroom. “Oh, yeah,” Mikey said behind him, “That’s healthy.”


	40. Chapter 40

They had finished cleaning by the time Jared got out of the bathroom, and a group of hotel workers were taking their new baby gifts to their hotel room.

 

“Hey,” Jensen said, loosely grabbing both of Jared’s forearms. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said with a smile, “I’m fine.”

 

“Okay,” Jensen said, a deep undercurrent of disbelief in his voice. “Are… Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah, I just…” Jared looked around and then leaned close, whispering, “I really, _really_ hate your shirt.”

 

“Oh, really?” Jensen laughed, and then blinked, pulling back, “Wait, seriously?”

 

Jared nodded, “I really do.”

 

Jensen pulled out of Jared’s arms and looked around, no one was watching them, and then untucked his shirt and peeled it off.

 

Jared swore it happened in slow motion; Jensen’s arms crossed as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, mussing his hair just slightly.

 

Jared was drooling and his mouth went dry all at the same time. 

 

The t-shirt that Jensen had on under the loose button down shirt was tight, the complete opposite of the grey shirt he’d been wearing over it. The navy blue rings were tight above his biceps, the faded heather blue was taught over his torso… Jared shuddered out a breath, watching as the hem of the t-shirt was pulled up slightly, revealing Jensen’s smooth abs. 

 

“What?” Jensen asked, tugging the hem back down.

 

“I… What? Nothing,” Jared said, trying to work some saliva up in his mouth to moisten his carpet-y feeling tongue.

 

Jensen looked down, shoving Jared’s vision back to slow-mo, as he looked down and shoved a hand though his hair, mussing it even more. Jen looked up, cheeks burning but he was grinning all the same.

 

“Ackles,” Jared murmured.

 

“What’s now?” Jensen looked up, brow furrowed.

 

“Nothing, it’s just… _Ackles_.” Jared put emphasis on Jen’s last name.

 

“…yeah?”

 

Jared shook his head and gripped Jensen’s face lightly, kissing him gently.

 

“What was that for?” Jensen asked, just this side of breathless.

 

Jared released him and whispered in his ear, “For teasing me with that whole shirt thing.”

 

“I’ll have to do that again sometime,” Jensen murmured, grinning up at him, “And this time I’ll be ready to deal with the… _consequences_.”

 

Jared couldn’t help the purr that escaped him as Jensen slid his hands onto Jared’s waist and then down against his butt.

 

“I’m thinking of heading back to the room,” Jared said, and then leaned down to whisper once again in Jen’s ear, “I think we should invite Mikey out to dinner. I mean, if he and Tommy are helping out as much as I think they are? We should really do something to thank them.”

 

Jensen nodded, “You want to start packing the stuff tonight?”

 

“Sounds good,” Jared agreed, and Jensen nodded, “We can do that after dinner? So we can ship them up, and so you can take a nap now?”

 

“A nap does sound good,” Jared said agreeably, “Yeah, that’s sounds like a plan.” Jared kissed Jensen lightly. “I’ll see you in a bit?”

 

Jensen nodded, “You bet.”

 

Jared kissed him lightly again, and then headed to their room.

 

He was out like a light before Jensen even came upstairs.

 

He woke up to a heated whispered argument. 

 

“No,” the silhouette of Jensen looked towards Jared. “I don’t think he’d want to see you. And I don’t think he’d want me to wake him up to ask if he did.”

 

“Come on,” the hall whispered back, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

 

“I don’t want to make him angry or stress him out, and I’m pretty sure this would do both. So you just need to go.”

 

“But-”

 

“Seriously! You have to go.” Jensen sighed and glanced back at Jared, “I know that there’s something Jared’s not telling me. 

 

“I don’t know if he’s still pissed about…

 

“Look,” Jensen shook his head, “I don’t know if he’s pissed about you still or not, so you really _really_ have to go.”

 

“Please, Jensen, just let me-”

 

Jared sat up, and slid off the bed, “Jen… It’s fine. Let me see him.”

 

Jensen spun around, shutting the door as much as possible, “Jay, I don’t think that’s the best thing.”

 

“He helped you through a tough time, right?” Jared’s voice was flat. “Why wouldn’t I want to talk to-” Jared cut himself off as the door swung open. He gasped, “Chad?”

 

Chad shoved past Jensen, and then froze, eyes locked on Jared’s stomach, “Holy…”

 

“I know, right?” Jared smirked, “And this is just because you deserve it- No hard feelings, okay?”

 

Chad nodded, a confused look on his face.

 

But it vanished as Jared’s fist slammed into his face.

 

“What the-” Chad held a hand to his face.

 

“You deserved that and you know it,” Jared said, biting back a smirk.

 

“True enough,” Chad said, still grimacing and holding his face.

 

Then they laughed, and Jared pulled him into a loose hug.


	41. Chapter 41

Jared released Chad a few moments later, laughing, “How the hell’ve you been?”

 

“Not bad, not too bad,” Chad answered, hand going back to his face as soon as he released Jared. 

 

“You want some ice?” Jared asked, clapping Chad on his shoulder and leading him towards the mini fridge.

 

“Yeah, it kinda hurts… You know, a little.” Jared looked again at Chad’s face, and the bruise already forming there.

 

“Sorry about that,” Jared laughed, and turned to Jensen who was still standing just inside the doorway. “Do you mind grabbing it, Jen? Squatting isn’t all that easy for me anymore.”

 

“What. The. _Hell_?” Jensen exclaimed, “What happened to hating him?”

 

Jared walked back to Jensen and kissed him lightly, “You happened, Jen. He helped you out when you needed someone and I wasn’t there… How can I hate him for that?”

 

Jensen looked shell-shocked, cocking his head to the side and looking up at Jared through his gorgeous eyelashes. “I… I…”

 

Jared kissed the tip of Jen’s nose, “That’s what I thought. Grab the ice and I’ll call Mikey?”

 

“Wh- What do you need to call Mike for?” Jensen stammered, still just a hairsbreadth away from Jared’s lips.

 

“I thought,” Jared whispered, his lips barely brushing against Jen’s with every syllable, “That we should let him know that Chad’ll be joining us.”

 

“Okay,” Jensen said, watching Jared’s tongue as it darted out to wet his lips. “I’ll just grab some ice for Chad’s face.”

 

Jared nodded, “I’m just gonna use the bathroom first.” He walked into the bathroom and shut the door, leaning against it heavily.

 

He didn’t know what it was, but he was aching to touch Jensen everywhere, to memorize every inch of his flesh by look, touch, and taste.

 

Despite the fact that Chad was here, and that he was about to go to dinner with his friend, and that he had to have breakfast with his and Jen’s family before they left, and that he had so much to do…

 

He sighed and ground his palms into his eyelids. Perhaps most annoyingly was that Jensen seemed to be on the same page of this erotic fantasy- But they both knew that nothing would come of it, not for a while anyhow.

 

Of course, Jared ignored the tears that flooded his eyes, Jensen wasn’t aware that “not for a while” might mean never.

 

He shoved off the door and splashed cold water on his face forcing the tears back and away. 

 

Nope, that wasn’t what was going to happen. He wasn’t going to fall apart, he couldn’t; not now not ever.

 

He screwed himself back together and swallowed the emotion. As soon as his face was blank, he could ignore the emotion, pretend it wasn’t there.

 

Mikey punched Chad in the face, too, and then walked away dialing Tommy on his cell phone as he did.

 

Jared waited until Mike hung up, and lit a cigarette out on the Las Ramblas patio.

 

“Hey,” Jared said quietly, “You want to tell me what’s going on?”

 

“No,” Mike exhaled, smoke curling out of his mouth, “No, I really don’t.”

 

“Are you going to anyway?” Jared sat down in an empty chair.

 

Mike looked at him, “Yeah, I guess.” He tossed his cigarette into a half empty glass on the table next to them.

 

“Chad? Is a douche bag. I don’t get why you’re all okay with him hanging around with Jen…”

 

“Because Mike,” Jared looked back inside at Jen and Chad. “In a few weeks it’s not going to matter if I throw a tantrum of not. Besides, Chad was there when I was pissed at him, and you were pissed at him, and Tom was pissed at him and everyone he counted on abandoned him… He needs more friends like that.”

 

Mike looked abashed, “Fuck you, Jay, you guys put us in the middle- And we took your side because you were the one in the right. Were we there for Jen, too? Hell yes, but you needed us more- Even if you weren’t going to say a word… So don’t act like we did something wrong here.”

 

“I’m not,” Jared shook his head, “I appreciate everything that you did for me, you and Tommy. And I know that you were there for Jen as much as possible, too; but we both know that after… Well, you guys are all going to need each other.

 

“So why bother freaking out?”

 

“That’s a good question,” Mike said, “Can I ask you another?”

 

Jared nodded.

 

“Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?”

 

“What?”

 

“No? How about- Why do we say something is out of whack? What _is_ whack?” Jared shook his head. “Okay, what about this- This is something I’ve always wondered: When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Or do you get change?”

 

Jared stood up, laughing a little as he walked towards the doors. “Come on, Jay; Seriously! What about- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed-up?

 

“If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why is the man that invests all your money called a broker? Or why do croutons come in airtight packages? I mean, it's just stale bread to begin with!

 

“Jay?! Jay! Come on, aren’t you the smart one out of the two of us?” 

 

Jared elbowed him sharply and walked back into the restaurant. 

 

“Maybe you guys know,” Mike said as they sat down at the table again. 

 

“Know what?” Jensen asked, and Jared could tell as soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it. 

 

“I’m glad you asked,” Mike grinned, “Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? And why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? And this?

 

“This is a tough one: Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?”

 

Jensen sighed and hung his head, giving into laughter a few moments after Jared and Chad did.


	42. Chapter 42

  
Author's notes: Alas folks, this is the final chapter. HOWEVER!!! Stay tuned for the epilogue!!!

\-----

* * *

Breakfast went off without a hitch, Chad had booked a penthouse suite and ignored Mackenzie all night, so Jared and Jensen had said their goodbye’s to him after last night’s long drawn out dinner and he hadn’t been there to embarrass them during the meal.

 

Mike, had slept through the breakfast- though it was more of a brunch than breakfast, and had brought the car around at noon, surprising Jensen and Jared by packing all of the baby gifts and calling the post office and asking them to pick everything up after paying extra to have them wrap everything so that it could be shipped to Vancouver.

 

And while the meal had been awesome, and Mikey having everything ready to go, the drive? Was long and unbearable.

 

Jared couldn’t get comfortable, random stomach cramps rippling over his abs from being stuck in the backseat again. He’d laid down as best he could, just like on the way down, but he couldn’t get comfortable this time.

 

Mikey drove the first shift, he and Jen talking quietly so that Jared could doze in the backseat. Problem was, Jared didn’t doze. Not once.

 

37 hours and 46 minutes later, Jared groaned heavily as he stepped out of the SUV. “Home,” he uttered quietly, massaging his stomach gently.

 

“Mmm,” Jensen purred, tiredly stepping out of the driver’s seat. “Home.”

 

Mikey half fell out of the passenger’s seat, eyes not even really open. ‘You guys want to grab a bite?” he asked, stretching.

 

“Sure,” Jared yawned, “Just let me hit the bathroom first?”

 

“Me, too,” Jensen agreed.

 

“Me, three.” Mikey echoed, popping his back. Jared called the downstairs bathroom, and Jensen the upstairs, while Mikey waited on the couch.

 

When Jared got out, Jensen was chuckling in the doorway to the living room. Jared opened his mouth to as, but then he followed Jen’s line of vision and chuckled, too.

 

Mikey was sprawled out on the couch, his butt in the air, and thumb half in his mouth, snoring lightly.

 

“I guess it’s just the two of us,” Jensen said, not sounding even slightly disappointed. 

 

“What a shame,” Jared said, grinning.

 

They used the SUV again, for the drive to Denny’s. They’d just ordered, when Jared was hit with another wave of stomach pain. “Oh, my god,” he murmured quietly.

 

But the bigger hit was when Jared realized what it meant. “Oh! Oh, my god! Jen! Jen, I’m in labor!”

 

“What?” Jensen gasped. 

 

“Call- Call Dr. Cox- Call an ambulance,” Jared cringed, “I’ve been having stomach pains all day- I thought it was from- From the drive- God, I am so stupid!”

 

Jensen pulled out his phone, heart pounding in his ears as he dialed Dr.Cox. “Jared’s in labor,” he spoke rapidly as soon as the call connected, not waiting for her to announce herself. “Call-” she started.

 

“I’m calling an ambulance now,” he interrupted.

 

“Good. I’ll see you soon.”

 

He hung up and dialed 911.

 

-

 

Everything happened so fast, and so slow- all at the same time.

 

“Jen!” Jared cried, a few seconds after he hung up. “Ackles!”

 

“What?”

 

“Ackles,” he gasped, “Baby’s last name- I want it to be Ackles.”

 

“Jay-”

 

“Please, Jen,” Jared gasped, “Ackles, please just let it be Ackles.”

 

“We’ll talk about this after,” Jensen said. Jared cringed. 

 

-

 

When had Jensen gotten to his knees? 

 

He didn’t know, but he was, Jared’s hands in his as he knelt on the floor.

 

“It’ll be okay, they’ll be here soon.”

 

-

 

Jensen kept hearing this wooshing noise, static in his brain to fill the void of him having no freaking clue what he was supposed to say- Or do.

 

He whipped his head around, “They’re here!”

 

Jared nodded, tears slipping down his face.

 

-

 

“No, no,” Jensen shook his head, “He doesn’t have any allergies- Well, cedar, but I don’t think-”

 

“I love you,” Jared gasped, face contorted in pain, hand clutching painfully tight to Jensen’s as they wheeled him out the Denny’s doors to the ambulance.

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Jared shook his head, hands pulled apart as Jared was pushed into the ambulance. “So much,” he gasped, “I need- Need you to remember that.”

 

-

 

They were in the ambulance, Jared’s hand in his clutching tight as the medic checked his IV of whatever the hell.

 

“It’ll be fine, Jay,” Jensen said, praying that he wasn’t lying.

 

“Love- Love you,” Jared gasped, giving a strangled breath. And then his hand went limp.

 

“We’re losing him- And the baby.” Jensen’s hand was torn from Jared’s as both medics started to do what medics do to fix people. 

 

“Is he- Are they-?” Jensen tried to ask- And then Jared flat-lined.


	43. Epilogue

Jensen was exhausted. It hadn’t been long enough, he shouldn’t be here, not this soon after-

 

He groaned, rubbing his eyes in front of the make-up mirror.

 

Someone knocked on the door, “Fifteen minutes.”

 

Jensen was almost half sure that he acknowledged that.

 

Why the hell was he here?

 

Oh, yeah; _Jared_.

 

From the beginning, Jared had been the one that loved doing these things, interviews. Jared was the people person, Jensen was the shy one, Jensen was the one that hated having the world in his business, Jensen had been the one that didn’t want to come out, Jensen had been the one that had made all the mistakes.

 

Jensen rubbed his eyes again, groaning when he realized that he’d wiped the make-up off the scary dark bags under his eyes.

 

He was so tired. All the time…

 

“Mr. Ackles, sir?” the PA knocked again. “It’s time.”

 

How long had be been standing there? Berating himself? It hadn’t felt that long…

 

He took a deep breath and nodded, following her to the wings, waiting for his cue.

 

“And here now, with a clip from his new movie “My Bloody Valentine, 3-D” is Jensen Ackles!”

 

Jensen walked out, playing his role as best he could, grinning and waving at the cheers and cat-calls.

 

They sat there, Conan making a few jokes that weren’t heard by anyone, about the loudness of his fan girls.

 

Finally, the noise faded; well most of the noise. There was a loud crying sound, and at first, Conan played it off as a fan crying… But then he realized.

 

“Is that- Who would bring a baby here? I mean, to _my_ show of all places?” Jensen shrugged, palms sweaty and every part of him frozen. “Why don’t we ask a random audience member, who they think would be crazy enough to bring a baby here.”

 

Jensen’s eyes snapped to Conan, but before he could say anything, Conan was up out of his seat and hurrying up the stairs to, “Oh, look; a random audience member.” He leaned over, and shoved the mic in Mikey’s face. “You know him best for his former role as Lex Luthor on Smallville, Michael Rosenbaum.”

 

The audience cheered again, but Jensen didn’t hear it, he was too busy noticing the blood draining from his face.

 

“So who do you think would bring their baby to my show?” Conan asked.

 

“I don’t know about most people, but I’m comfortable bringing other people’s children here.” Jensen’s eyes snapped to the monitor that was from the steady cam panning to the baby in Mikey’s arms. Swallowing hard around the lump blocking his throat.

 

“Who would trust you with their child?” Conan joked.

 

“Well, this is-”

 

“I would!” The camera locked on his face, and Jensen’s gaze was frozen again on the monitor.

 

Conan stood up, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Jared Padalecki!”

 

The crowd cheered again as Jared walked, slowly, but grinning. Mikey stood and handed him their baby.

 

“This,” he said quietly, looking at the baby in his arms, “Is my daughter. Conan?” He looked up for a moment, and then smiled down at their daughter. “Meet Angela. Angela Ackles.”

 

The room fell silent, and Jared used the break to walk slowly down and sit next to Jensen. And kiss Jensen lightly, sweetly, quickly- Just because he finally could.

 

Again the room erupted, and Ange started crying a little, more noise than she was used to.

 

“Hey,” Jared said quietly, “I need you to do that magic thing you do.”

 

“Here? Now?”

 

Jared flashed his puppy eyes, “Please, Jen? It’s for Ange…”

 

Jensen nodded, cheeks burning in the anticipation of being embarrassed, and carefully took his daughter in his arms, gently laying her against his chest. He looked down at her, smiling and began to sing. Slowly but surely, she began to stop crying and then she slowly slid into sleep.

 

“Your daughter?” Conan asked, “But I thought you said ‘Ackles’?”

 

“I did,” Jared agreed, sliding a little closer to Jensen.

 

“Well, but… Care to explain?” Conan asked, not a single hair out of place, despite how freakin’ random this all was. Jensen felt bad for about half a second for not warning him ahead of time, but then he looked at his daughter, and across to his lover… And he couldn’t care less.

 

‘ _You want me to answer this, or do you want to?_ ’ they asked each other with their eyes.

 

But they were spared.

 

And I used the word spared very loosely. Because that’s when Mikey bounded on stage.

 

“Well, Conan, wha’ ha’ happen’ was…”

[ ](http://s496.photobucket.com/albums/rr326/Blazon_Paradox/?action=view%C2%A4t=UFBBabyAnge.jpg)

Angela Ackles, an angel and a miracle. 


End file.
